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We don't let the facts don't get in the way! A ForbistheMighty.com production



  • George May be Prez' but Steven's the King 11/16/04
    By John Saleeby
    For Christ's sake. The world's falling apart and Saleeby is sitting around reading Christine?


  • A New Lease On Life 11/16/04
    By Tom Waters
    Tom recalls his long history of troublesome automobiles, including the Buick that has been "rear ended more times than Nathan Lane."

  • Things That Annoy Me: The Unreal World 11/16/04
    By Seana Sperling
    Seana connects the dots between attack ads and reality shows.

  • Don't Tell Us, We'll Tell You 11/01/04
    By Wil Forbis
    Get the straight dope as television shows like "Hardballs" and "What's on Your Mind, America?" contemplate the war in Iraq, stem cells and the possibility of a Mary Cheny/Alexandra Kerry civil union.

  • American Politics; The Beautiful Doom 11/01/04
    By Sean C Tarry
    Canadians have given the world so much, including Rush, SCTV and Mike Meyers. Hear what AL's Canadian contributor has to say about Election 2004.


  • The Devil Made Me Rent It 11/16/04
    By John Saleeby
    John takes a look at 70's horror cinema mind-benders "Asylum of Satan" and "Satan's Children" and comes to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world: Satanists and Homos.


  • The Importance Of Being Neurotic 11/01/04
    By Tom Waters
    In what may be the most frightening piece to be featured in this Halloween issue, Tom discusses his history of psychotherapy.


  • Things That Annoy Me: The Ultimate Freak - Me 10/01/04
    By Seana Sperling
    During an audition for a movie trivia game show Seana gets tongue tied faster than President Bush on debate night!


  • Scheduling Conflict 10/01/04
    By Tom Waters
    Tom bemoans the passage of time and the unavoidable decay it creates on the bonds of friendship.


  • Does Raw Fish Make You Schizo? 09/16/04
    By John Saleeby
    While reviewing the recent Japanese horror films "Battle Royale," "Suicide Club," and "Stacy" John falls in love with homicidal, suicidal, cannibalistic Asian schoolgirls.


  • The Docker Bums 09/16/04
    By Tom Waters
    Does pre-cubed cheese signal the end of the human race?


  • Unappreciated Babes 09/01/04
    By John Saleeby and Wil Forbis
    Everyone gives a shout out to Pam Anderson and Uma Thurman. Who's got some love for Holly Hunter and Cheri OTeri? We do! We do!


  • Sportin' a Woody: British Comedy and the films of Allen Konigsberg 08/16/04
    By Wil Forbis
    Were it not for the star power of Peter Sellers and David Niven there might not have been an "Annie Hall."


  • TV vs. LSD 08/01/04
    By Cody Wayne
    Cody contemplates the best recipe with which to fry your brain.

  • Angry Blogger 07/16/04
    By Jack McGeehin
    Who says personality can't find its way off the page?

  • The Fatal Van Halen Joke 07/16/04
    By John Saleeby
    Thrill to the adventures of young John Saleeby as he goes up against punk rock hipsters and folk rock poseurs!


  • One More Today 07/16/04
    By Sean C Tarry
    Sean plays the part of the peanut gallery to George Bush's orations on terrorism.
  • March of The Diapered Soldiers 07/16/04
    By Tom Waters
    Babies. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em. Wait, maybe you can?

  • American Romance 2004 06/16/04
    By John Saleeby
    John takes a look at the Romeo and Juliet of Abu Graib.

  • Pushing 30 (Into Open Traffic) 06/16/04
    By Tom Waters
    Tom may be mourning his lost youth but he's got nothing but kind words for the lost art of napping.

  • Chuck Taylor All-Stars 06/01/04
    By Sean C Tarry
    Sean protests the decline of the shoe that started a cultural revolution.

  • Fat Men and Their Foreign Objects 06/01/04
    By Tom Waters
    Tom looks at the rise of the homoerotic festival that is professional wrestling.

  • All We Are Saying Is Give KISS a Chance! 05/16/04
    By John Saleeby
    John gathers the young 'uns around to revel them with tales of the Viet Nam war, difficult math and the greatest rock band ever.

  • Dave Barry Can Lick My Hairy Bean Bag 05/16/04
    By Tom Waters
    Tom exposes the fool's trade of modern essay writing.

  • Angel of Destruction, Vol. 1 05/01/04
    By John Saleeby
    Saleeby heaps praise onto Uma Thurman, star of the Kill Bill films, while exposing Quentin Tarantino as a deviant foot fetishist.

  • Beating the Shakes 05/01/04
    By Tom Waters
    It started with just a few cups to keep his game up. But now Tom is a full-scale caffeine addict.

  • Pet Peeves 04/16/04
    By Tom Waters
    Tom bitches and moans about the people, places and products that bug the hell out him. Of course, how is that different from his other work?


  • The Sex Pistols VS The Clash 04/01/04
    By John Saleeby
    They were the definive punk bands from the class of '77. What happens when Saleeby puts them through their paces?


  • Straight Eye For The Impatient Guy 04/01/04
    By Tom Waters
    Yep, Tom's in a relationship and settling down now. Just in time to be driven insane by the experience of shopping with his significant other.


  • Best Movie EVER? Forever And EVER!?! 04/01/04
    By John Saleeby
    Hey, what do Norman Bates, vomiting screenwriters and a giant gorilla have to do with Orson Welle's "Citizen Kane"?

  • Just a Four Letter Word 04/01/04
    By David Chorlton
    Far from being a vulgar curse, David argues that the most prominent four lettered word is a catalyst for catharsis.

  • Change the Channel 04/01/04
    By Inherownwrite
    Inherownwrite wades into the culture war that has pitted the President of the United States against the King of all media.

  • Sad, Strange and Stupid: A Look at Conservative Talk Radio 03/01/04
    By John Saleeby
    What gets Saleeby more fired up than pinko commie rants? Rambling talk radio hosts like G. Gordon Liddy, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity!

  • Odd Man Out 03/01/04
    By Tom Waters
    Just in time for Valentines Day, Tom details the foibles of modern dating. Oh. Valentine's day was last month? No wonder nobody around here is getting any.

  • Table, Booth or next to Newborn? 02/16/04
    By Tom Waters
    With bad service, botulism and pinhead waiters, dining out has become a dicey proposition.

  • Your Turn: Let's Hear it for THog-Zar! 02/16/04
    By Zog Fug
    Introducing Your Turn, the acid logic column where loyal readers share their views on an infinite assortment of topics.

  • The Prolonged Beautification of Joe 02/16/04
    By Tom Waters
    Tom takes a second look at his older brother, a man now cluelessly mired in the morass of married life.

    Space Bugs, Fuzzy Babes and Growing Pains 01/16/04
    By John Saleeby
    Saleeby harks back to the television of yesteryear when space creatures dined upon human arms and furry cat women lolled about, unabashed.

  • On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prozac 01/16/04
    By Tom Waters
    Ahh, the holiday season. It's as much fun as a nuclear apocalypse!

  • Be Kind, Don't Rewind 12/16/03
    By Tom Waters
    Tom narrowly misses his ten year high school reunion, but can't escape the pontifications the event causes to reverberate through his head.

  • Review of "Breakfast with Hunter" 12/01/03
    By Seana Sperling
    Seana spot checks director Wayne Ewing's new documentary about the gonzo reprobate responsible for the classic drug odyssey, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas."


  • What is "Axel F"? 11/16/03
    By Tom Waters
    Tom dissects the decade that gave birth to Madonna, Pac-Man, Mr. Mister and the Iran Contra scandal. Will a retro 80's movement cause the madness to return?

  • Strangeness on a Train 11/16/03
    By John Saleeby
    John's lucky to make it back alive from his recent vacation and spares no expense recounting his near death experience at the hands Dutch drug couriers. Featuring a soundtrack by Aerosmith.


  • How Jack Black Restored My Faith in Rock and Roll 11/01/03
    By Seana Sperling
    Seana gives a thumbs up for the new Richard Linklater film, The School of Rock. But she's still upset enough with the moviegoing experience to update her acclaimed Things That Annoy Me series.

  • Flowers For Puck.......Love, Algernon 11/01/03
    By Tom Waters
    By now we've all recognized that game reality TV shows are the final sign of the coming Apocalypse. Tom pontificates why "networks took a wrecking ball to the famed fourth wall" and offers up a few show ideas of his own.

  • Cabin Fever and the Kentucky Fried Horror 10/31/03
    By Wil Forbis
    With the release of "Cabin Fever," genre films may be returning to the heyday of hillbilly horror as epitomized by such classics as "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Evil Dead."

  • I Want Candy 10/31/03
    By Sandra Kay
    Hey, October 31st isn't just about monsters and goblins. Sandra takes a look at the best part of Halloween.

  • Vampires and the Victims Who Love Them 10/31/03
    By Seana Sperling
    Screw "Blade" and "Underworld." Seana takes a look at "The Hunger," "The Addiction" and offbeat vampire films.

  • John Saleeby Predicts the Future 10/01/03
    By John Saleeby
    In these times of national uncertainty and global turmoil, we need a voice to come forth from the heavens and lay clear the path before us. John Saleeby is this voice.

  • Get Ready for Some Football! Why Don't I Care? 10/01/03
    By Jason Marsh

    Jason tries to get interested in his hometown team, the Giants. But his mind keeps wondering if "Arabian Idol" is on.


  • Imperfect Strangers 09/16/03
    By Tom Waters
    Tom returns to offer his thoughts on the most torrid of all youthful relationships: Roommates.

  • What Does Winnie the Pooh have that I Don't? 09/16/03
    By Adam Lewis

    Hey, how come chicks are all over a short, chubby, hairy bear named Pooh but don't have the time of day for short, chubby, hairy Adam Lewis?


  • Ain't No Frenchmen Ever Called Me "Numb-Nuts" 09/01/03
    By John Saleeby
    Two years after Arab Terrorists attacked the World Trade Center Americans are sitting around talking about how much they hate the French? Saleeby defends the cheese eating lowlifes.

  • Freddy, Jason and Me 09/01/03
    By Wil Forbis

    If you grew up in the eighties, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees were like a couple of big brothers, always kidding around and trying to remove your spleen with a machete. Will their new film let you visit your youth?

  • Poor Dead Fucks 08/01/03
    By Cody Wayne
    All Cody wants to do is sit back and have a beer. But he can't help but notice that soldiers dying in Iraq have suddenly become nameless.


  • Not All Lovable Fat Funny Guys Die Young 07/16/03
    By John Saleeby
    Good Lord, is John Saleeby actually becoming sensitive? Check out his tribute to rotund comedy legend Buddy Hackett and find out!

  • Everybody Loves an Abortion 07/16/03
    By Dan Seymour
    Dan makes the case that abortions may not be as fuzzy and cuddly as some people would have you believe.

  • Movies that Made Me Shit My Pants 07/16/03
    By the Acid Logic Mafia
    Our team of crack Acid Logic contributors talk about the movies that changed their lives for the wetter!

  • Dumb and Dahmer (A Look at Serial Killer Cinema) 07/01/03
    By John Saleeby
    John accuses the recently released "Dahmer" of being a politically correct art film, but has kinder words for "Bundy" and the movie biopic about the "Bruce Springsteen of serial killers," John Wayne Gacy.

  • Apocalypse, 80's Style! 07/01/03
    By Wil Forbis
    Back when the Ruskies had a thousand WMDs pointed right at us, Hollywood helped cool the fire by producing some of the greatest nuclear holocaust films of all time.

  • The Denouncer 06/16/03
    By Jade Hays

    After observing the slew of headlines proclaiming "Powell Denounces Iraq" or "Congressman Denounces Potato Chips" Jade realizes that the world needs someone denouncing full time!


  • Hollywood 101 05/16/03
    By Sandra Kay
    Can you tell the difference between a ball buster and a Gary Coleman? Let Hollywood insider Sandra Kay give you the lowdown on the Hollywood set.

  • War Blues 05/01/03
    By Sandra Kay
    Sandra reflects on the inconvenience of war and troubled times ahead.

  • Are You Really an American?04/16/03
    By Alex Kidd
    After ditching New York City for a small town in Canada, Alex realizes he can't escape the spectre of his nationality.

  • Somebody Somewhere Thinks You're a Shit 04/01/03
    By Peter Bennett
    After receiving a goopy piece of hate mail, Peter investigates the excrement of Australia's wildlife. His search leads him right into the paws of The True Blue Roo Poo Company!

  • The Lost Music of Jason and the Scorchers 04/01/03
    By Spoiks
    Spoiks returns to these pages to give a manic shout out to the kings of "Metalabilly."

  • Pootie Troopers Strike Back 03/16/03
    By John Saleeby
    In a last ditch effort before the Oscars, Saleeby tries to shine the limelight on three of his favorite recent comedies: "Super Troopers," "Pootie Tang," and "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back."

  • The Domestication of Joe 03/16/03
    By Tom Waters
    Tom's world goes to pieces when his big brother gets married. Beware the doilies!


  • Sausages, Rubber Plants & the Big Bang 03/16/03
    By Peter Bennett
    After researching the subject on the Internet, Peter discovers that the most commonly accepted explanation for the beginning of the universe is a "load of twaddle."

  • A Case of the Bookworms 03/02/03
    By Tom Waters
    Tom introduces the various breeds of tortured artist that can be found crawling through the literary underground.

  • Let's Get Angry 02/16/03
    By Cody Wayne
    In the third piece of our All-Politics issue, Cody questions why the military didn't stop the the 9/11 attacks, rebukes the US agenda and declares war... against war!

  • Does Bush Need a Penis Enlargement? 02/16/03
    By Sandra Kay
    Sandra challenges our world leaders to lay it all out on the slab. But Mandela's not invited (for obvious reasons.)

  • Why Eucalyptus is to Budgerigars what Vegemite is to Australians 02/01/03
    By Peter Bennett
    In an effort to thwart his children's intellectual superiority, Australian contributor Peter Bennett details the history of the budgie.


  • How to be a Slob 01/16/03
    By Tom Waters
    Are you confused about the slovenly arts? Here's your chance to learn from the best!

  • Public Enemy #2
    By Colin Hoad
    Say, if this war with Iraq doesn't work out, we've got a whole list of other nations that might be worth invading. Who wants a piece of Kazakhstan?


  • Food Stamp Feuds 12/16/02
    By Tom Waters
    Tom settles down in front of the idiot box to classify the recurring segments of the day time talk show.

  • The Saturday Night Live Democrats 12/01/02
    By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby
    As the Democrats flounder about for new leadership, we suggest they consider the cast members and characters of the show that has championed their cause for over 25 years. Vice President Peepers anyone?

  • A.ctive M.orons 12/01/02
    By Tom Waters
    Tom takes a bite out of the modern atrocity known as "morning people."

  • Impending Doom 12/01/02
    By Cody Wayne
    Don't be frightened! Cody's foreboding title heads what is actually an optimistic call to action.

  • My String of Shitty Jobs 12/01/02
    By Jesss Morel
    Jesss offers her contribution to the AL "Our Shitty Jobs" section with a look at her humble beginnings as a strawberry picker and her final arrival as a dot commie. Is this upward mobility?

  • Our Shitty Jobs: Vegetables at the Funny Farm 11/01/02
    By John Saleeby
    John provides a detailed account of his job wrestling crazed maniacs at the psyche ward. Now you know where you've seen him before.

  • Greeting Card Quarterly 11/01/02
    By Tom Waters
    Tom knows that the modern reader's attention span is getting shorter... but he won't let it happen without a fight!

  • Adventures in Amsterdam 11/01/02
    By Sandra Kay
    Sandra covers the essentials for anyone traveling to Amsterdam: sex museums and hash bars!

  • John Saleeby - Shkitsophreniac!!! 10/01/02
    By John Saleeby
    Okay, this time John's really lost his mind. No, seriously, it's finally happened. He's gone bonkers. I'm not kidding....Hey, are you even paying attention to me?

  • War and Pizza 10/01/02
    By Tom Waters
    When Tom isn't working hard as a highly paid acid logic writer, he stalks the streets, seeking out nubile young women... and giving them pizza!!!

  • Die Laughing 10/01/02
    By Zaak Fresh
    Zaak makes clear that comedy is serious business in his blow by blow account of the historic "Zaak Fresh Comedy Tour."

  • Numb Nuts Nation 10/01/02
    By John Saleeby
    In three comic dialogues, John takes on the NYFD, Bruce Springsteen and bellyaching country music singers.

  • The Thomas Rules of Lounge Order, Part II 09/16/02
    By Tom Waters
    Gentle reader, no longer will you be mocked and shunned by the female gender. Just heed Tom's addendum to his original Rules of Lounge Order and you'll have more birds on you than a case full of sesame seeds.

  • Wake Up Call with a Snooze Alarm on it 09/01/02
    By John Saleeby
    It's been almost a year since the WTC attacks and we still haven't caught Osama Bin Laden, airlports still aren't safe and Ann Coulter still hasn't done a Playboy spread. John lays out his call to action!

  • Where No State Has Gone Before 09/01/02
    By Cody Wayne
    Citizens of the rogue state of Nevada are making a play to legalize the herb. If they can only get rid of that meddling Federal Government.

  • An American Jerk in Belgium 09/01/02
    By Rob Reuter
    Two years ago Rob closed up shop on his comedy web zine, The American Jerk. Finally, he reveals the sordid series of events that lead to this heart wrenching decision.

  • Unkle Sleezy's House of Evil 09/01/02
    Hey kids - Get your serial killer murderabilia right here!

  • Interpreting the Bible Part III 08/16/02
    By Kurt Kitasaki
    Kurt lays out the third piece in his comical attempts to analyze the good book. He starts out with Samson smoking PCP and ends up with Satan playing baseball.

  • STUPIDITY: ITS USES AND ABUSES 08/16/02
    By Robert Levin
    "Stupidity is, after all, the best solution we've come up with to the mother of all problems itself, the problem of being mortal."

  • A Preacher, A Rabbi, and a Minister Go Into a Bank At The Same Time...08/01/02
    By Tom Waters
    Tom makes a point to not discriminate against religions. He hates them all!

  • Graveyard Studios 08/01/02
    By Kevin N. Whiting
    Kevin comes to terms with the living dead who threaten to surround him and, more frustratingly, deny him car insurance.

  • Psaleeby's Psummer Psyche-Out 07/16/02
    By John Saleeby
    The summer heat rolls in, temporarily driving Saleeby insane. Fortunately, that's how he does his best stuff.

  • An American Asshole in Mexico: A Review of "Y Tu Mama Tambien" 07/16/02
    By Cody Wayne
    Cody rates the new Mexican coming-of-age story. Hey, it's got a hot-looking older chick!

  • All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in College 07/01/02
    By Beth Anderson
    Beth argues that there is value in higher education. Anyone for a round of "Quarters?"

  • Review - Star Wars, Episode II 06/01/02
    By Anthony Passonno
    Anthony checks out the latest from LucasFilms and gives the final word on "the single greatest Star Wars moment ever!"

  • Interpreting the Bible Part II 06/16/02
    By Kurt Kitasaki
    Kurt's scholarly scribbles on the sacred scriptures have earned their sarcastic sequel!

  • Icarus On The Mend 06/16/02
    By Tom Waters
    In a tale of books, broads and booze, Tom recounts his first foray into the world of self publishing.

  • Main Freeze: A Look at the World of Female Football 06/01/02
    By Jay Kang
    Jay documents a day in the life of the National Women's Football league.

  • A Quick Tour of the Museum of My Collections 06/01/02
    By Max Burbank
    Mr. Burbank returns from his ye

  • The Steering Wheel of Fortune 06/01/02
    By Tom Waters
    When Tom's automotive luck runs out he faces dissappointed parents, a night in jail and worst of all: traffic school!

  • Spider-Man Review 05/16/02
    By Anthony Passonno
    Been holding off on seeing the new cinema blockbuster 'til you found out what your pals at Acid Logic thought? Your wait is over.

  • A Supposedly Small Luxury That Doesn't Necessarily Make Me Gay 05/16/02
    By Tom Waters
    Tom waxes philosophically on the merits of spritzes, mousses and Italian hairdressers.

  • Profile: Consolidated 05/01/02
    By J. Kim
    Portland music collective, Consolidated, bemoan the death of music for music's sake, and music activists who talk like Chomsky but sound like Hanson.

  • More Forgotten Moments from the 1970's 04/16/02
    By John Saleeby
    John continues his recollections of the decade everyone was too stoned to remember.

  • High Tales 04/16/02
    By Kevin N. Whiting
    English corespondent Whiting reveals the secret to making any vacation enjoyable - alcohol! (And lots of it.)

  • The Less We Know The More We Care About It
    By David Chorlton
    David argues against the media's need to present every last tragedy in all its gory detail.


  • The Thomas Rules of Lounge Order 03/16/02
    By Tom Waters
    Tom lays out the ground rules for attracting the opposite sex, including such mind benders as "#2: Nothing Ever Happens On A Monday," "#5 Travel in Packs" and "#8 If You Don’t Have an Ugly Friend With You, Then You’re The Ugly Friend."

  • Penthouse Letters Rejects 03/16/02
    By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby
    Decent American teenagers learn everything they need to know about sex from Penthouse magazine's Forum - a letters column featuring sexual adventures submitted by the periodical's readership. Take a look at the submissions that don't make the grade.

  • WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU LATELY, ANYWAY? 03/16/02
    By Max Burbank
    Max finally answers the question we've been asking him all along.

  • Senior Cut Day 03/16/02
    By Cody Wayne
    "It dawned on me that I had created a sense of youthful insanity: FUCK IT. Things had gotten so quickly and completely out of hand that I found myself in a prolonged moment of Zen."

  • A Few Good Scenes We'd Like to See 03/01/02
    By John Saleeby
    When John imagines the trial of Aaron Sorkin, dinosaurs eat Johnnie Cochran and Ted Nugent reigns supreme.

  • Aliens in the Holy Land 03/01/02
    By Gary Sloan
    Our resident agent of Satan, Gary Sloan, defends the cause of atheism from the cloud of September 11.

  • A Dying Breed 03/01/02
    By Tom Waters
    It’s bad enough that smokers have to be chastised by holistic crusaders, but why should they have to pay for media campaigns aimed at mocking their folly.


  • The Triple-Axle of Evil 03/01/02
    By Jade Hays
    Jade lays out the surreal sexuality connecting the Winter Olympics, Terrorists and the Mormons.

  • The Dark Side of Dave Thomas 02/16/02
    By Jade Hays
    What? Another Dave Thomas article? Jade takes a humorous at how Dave Thomas' Wendy's commercials brought about the rise of the lowest common denominators.

  • Interpreting the Bible 02/16/02
    By Kurt Kitasaki
    Kurt sharpens his satirical tooth while helping to solve some of the great mysteries of the Bible.

  • The Tube Sock Syndicate 02/16/02
    By Tom Waters
    Here at Acid Logic, we've always been able to depend on the support of our elders. Tom's delightful attack on the aged and defenseless changes all that.

  • A New York State of MInd 02/16/02
    By Michael J Paluka
    For the overworked, paranoid nail-biters of the world, New York offers safe haven.

  • Things That Annoy Me: Right To Work, Yeah, Right 02/01/02
    By Seana Sperling
    Seana adds a new piece to her infamous "Things That Annoy Me" series and discusses the lack of worthwhile employment in Idaho state.

  • Ultimate Spinach, man... yeah, Baby, yeah!!! 01/16/02
    By Wil Forbis
    Was hippy rock group, Ultimate Spinach, the epoch of Psychedelia or the demon spawn of record industry sell outs?


  • My Brush with Death and Cat Urine 01/16/02
    By Seana Sperling
    Planning on moving yourself, all your worldly belongings and your hamster a distance of 800 miles? Seana shows you how NOT to do it.

  • Making Space in Politics for Poetry 01/16/02
    By David Chorlton
    Can George W. Bush and Robert Bly meet each other halfway? David tries to find out.


  • A Viral Migration Of Unhealthy Fascination 01/01/02
    By Max Burbank
    After a stressful year, Max's mind completely snaps causing him to spew forth the ultimate conspiracy theory...

  • The Max Burbank Companion12/15/01
    By Max Burbank
    Have you always enjoyed Max's work but been confounded by the various pop culture icons and Internet web sites he references? This handy guide will eliminate your confusion.

  • My Attorney General Worships Satan 12/01/01
    By Cody Wayne
    Cody Wayne lays out the case against devil worship in the White House, with a side trip though the roots of America's drug war.

  • Meat Stink 12/01/01
    By Aaron Voorhies Jentzen
    In this piece, Aaron discusses the permeating smell of rancid meat as relevant to the age distinction that divide men into classes of... ah, hell, who really knows what this is about. Just read it!

  • My Screening of "Waking Life" 11/16/01
    By Cody Wayne
    Cody reviews the new Richard Linklater film, theater popcorn and the "infinity of now."

  • A Few of Our Favorite Things 11/16/01
    By David Chorlton
    Mr. Chorlton tries to find the perfect song for the war with Afghanistan.

  • Six Visits From Uncle Dave
    By Max Burbank
    Max fondly recalls the eratic, often troublesome behavior of his family's black sheep.

  • Grate Mynds Thinkk Alike! 11/01/01
    By Max Burbank and John Saleeby
    The battle you never thought you'd see. AL contributors Burbank and Saleeby interrogate each other and take cheap pot shots at their hardworking publisher.

  • All God's Chillun Have Guns10/16/01
    By John Saleeby
    You all know you shouldn't make fun of the WTC tragedy, right? Well, somebody tell Saleeby 'cuz his new piece has enough gags to make you wish every day was a terrorist attack!

  • The Death of the American Wise Ass10/01/01
    By John Saleeby
    Saleeby lays forth his argument that the late night talk show circuit needs to acknowledge that the landscape of American comedy has forever been changed by the events of September 11th. Or else they risk becoming... Vaughn Meader?

  • No Working Title 10/01/01
    By Max Burbank
    Max pauses to take take stock in life before preparing to return to the comedy trenches.

  • A Report From Ground Zero 10/01/01
    By Steve Forbis
    Steve Forbis offers a first hand account of his visit to ground zero two days after the World Trade Center towers fell.

  • Book Briefs 9/16/01
    By Max Burbank
    Burbank analyzes a series of puckish, possibly fictional titles, including "My Wife is Not a Yeti" and "Jurassic Park III."

  • Why Kill When You Can Dance! Dance! Dance!?9/16/01
    By John Saleeby
    As mass murderers assail the West Coast and terrorists attack the east, Saleeby struggles to make sense of it all.

  • The Artist Formally Known as Prinze 9/01/01
    By John Saleeby
    Freddie Prinze Senior = groundbreaking comedic genius. Freddie Prinze Junior = talentless imbecile. Got it? Good!

  • The Grass is Always Greener... 9/01/01
    By Pete Moss

    Pete Moss provides an introduction to the world of the transgendered. That's right - Pete Moss! The transgendered! It's just as crazy as it sounds.

  • A Brief History of "Shut Up, Little Man" 8/16/01
    By Wil Forbis
    A history of the infamous audio recording that caused a generation to begin taping their screaming, alcoholic neighbors. Includes bonus interview with Eddie Lee Sausage providing an update on the "Shut Up, Little Man" film project!!!

  • Ten Things You Should Know About Jerry Lewis 8/16/01
    By John Saleeby
    The French may be smelly, rude and obnoxious, but they're right about one thing:Jerry Lewis kicks ass! Saleeby explains why.


  • Wanted Immediately: Revisionist History Shelter 8/01/01
    By Max Burbank
    As Ronald Reagan teeters on his deathbed, the media conspire to rewrite the past. Not if Max Burbank can help it! (Which he probably can't.)


  • Almost Funny 7/16/01
    By John Saleeby
    John recalls his teenage career as a writer for National Lampoon. Hey, how come he never got a break like that Cameron Crowe guy?


  • How To Watch Fireworks 7/16/01
    By Max Burbank

    Max learned a thing or two this past Fourth of July. And he's more than willing to share.

  • The Ice Cube Guide to Network Protocol Engineering 7/16/01
    Special Advertisement: Be the first on your block to read the famed rapper's foray into the world of technology instruction!

  • Goofy at the Gates of Hell 7/01/01
    By John Saleeby
    John's already delusional mind gets a boost from the Southern heat wave and lack of air conditioning.

  • Just Because I'm Paranoid 7/01/01
    By Seana Sperling

    They are out to get you, and Seana's not going to let you forget it.

  • The Hanging-Cross Diet 7/01/01
    By Tarryn Stewart
    As a religious document, the Bible has more than held its own. British correspondent, Tarryn Stewart, analyzes its worth as a diet manual.

  • Laughter or Blood 6/15/01
    By John Saleeby
    John gets his pound of flesh from the creators of the many "fake news" web sites on the web.


  • Hell On 900 MG A Day 6/01/01
    By John Saleeby
    John's really lost it on this one, folks. Pray for him. Pray for his soul.

  • The Unbearable Lightness Of The Executioner 6/01/01
    By David Chorlton
    David looks into his past for answers about the death penalty.

  • Six Dreams of the Antiques Roadshow 5/15/01
    By Max Burbank
    Max recalls his very disturbing (and very Jewish) dreams about bartering and auctioneering.

  • Thirty Seconds over Tupelo 5/15/01
    By John Saleeby

    Saleeby visits the birthplace of the king and finds nary an "Elvis Pizzeria" in sight.

  • Harry Potter and the Magic Welfare Check 5/01/01
    By Pete Moss
    The success of Harry Potter author, JK Rowling , is weighed against the Libertarian philosophy of eliminating government subsidies.

  • What's Up With Bio Tech? 5/01/01
    By Max Burbank

    Max asks a sensible question while pontificating moth poop and mice with human ears.

  • Last New England Yard Ape Dies in Captivity 4/15/01
    By Max Burbank
    Max pontificates on the work of sculptor Claes Oldenburg while dreaming of giant typewriter erasers.

  • Eye of the Tiger 4/01/01
    By Rich Evans
    When confronted with an e-mail requesting opinions on the Survivor television show, Mr. Evans responds with the appropriate rant...

  • Brian Had Fun, Fun, Fun Til The Critics Took His T Bird Away 3/15/01
    By John Saleeby
    Saleeby bemoans the Beach Boys treatment at the hands of rock critics who ignore their greatest work. Pet Sounds? Schmet Sounds!

  • Some Ways We Could Offend The Japanese Even More Than We Already Have 3/1/01
    By Max Burbank
    Max looks for new ways the United States can embarrass itself after sinking the Japanese fishing boat, Ehime Maru.

  • Seattle EarthQuake!!! 3/1/01
    By Anthony Passanno
    Holy Satan! Read this report of the Seattle Earthquake from Acid Logic's Seattle Bureau Chief, Anthony Passonno. He spares no effort describing the violent, gorey carnage!

  • Teller And Me 2/15/01
    By Pete Moss
    Pete reminisces on his former Latin teacher and popular magician Teller in a fascinating biographical essay.

  • End Times Update 2/1/01
    By Max Burbank
    Max ponders the dance moves of President Bush, Ricky Martin's hips, and the eventual results of America's love affair with ever more youthful pop groups: singing fetuses!


  • Someone Made a Movie Just For ME! 1/15/01
    By John Saleeby
    John chimes in on the Charlie's Angels movie and offers readers the Saleeby formula for successful film making: Cute Girls, Funny Guys.

  • Post Election Angst 1/15/001
    By Dan Seymour
    New contributor Dan Seymour applies pressure to the funnybone to uncover the other fraud of the 2000 election: the conspiracy against college voters.


  • Red Nostalgia 12/31/00
    By David Chorlton
    Mr. Chorlton wistfully looks back on the experience of visiting the Russia of yesteryear.

  • Bible Belt Beelzebub 12/16/00
    By Gary Sloan
    One man's war against the Bible Belt, set in the battlefield of the op-ed page, is recalled in this delightful piece by Satan, er, Hitler, er, Gary Sloan.


  • Being, Emptiness and Spandex Tights with the Underwear on the Outside 12/1/00
    By Max Burbank
    The show continues as Burbank wonders why his brain is filled with so much pointless comic book trivia.

  • Too Much Monkey Business 12/1/00
    By John Saleeby
    Saleeby ruminates on his years spent performing as a stand up comic and butting heads with the likes of Colin Quinn.


  • Don't Want Him Around Anyhow 11/15/00
    By John Saleeby
    Saleeby points the finger squarely at alternative music and ruminates on Isaac Haye's role on South Park
    . Not for the faint of heart.

  • Cute Girls Who Died 11/1/00
    By John Saleeby
    Saleeby pops off another one-two punch by rewriting the music of Jim Caroll and offering up an interview with Steve Martin.

  • A Girlfriend's Guide to Online Pornography 11/1/00
    By Robin Devero
    Let Ms. Devero explain the strange nomenclature inherit in your boyfriend's web smut addiction.


  • Our Universal Dreams 10/15/00
    By Max Burbank
    Continuing the dream theme, Burbank explores the meaning of the "I have to take this test naked" dream, and other nightime adventures common to all mankind.


  • Children of Kahoutek 9/30/00
    By Max Burbank
    Few things are more deserving of the term "acid logic" than Max Burbank's fevered analysis of comets and comic books.


  • Gore Daughter - Comic Genius! 9/30/00
    By John Saleeby
    The comic talents of Kristin Gore are disected, as well as Saleeby's headbangin' past.


  • Smell My Finger 9/18/00
    By John Saleeby
    Saleeby reminisces on his coital career involving Aerosmith and Abominabal Snowman.



  • Three Kings 9/1/00
    By Pete Moss
    Hollywood insider, Pete Moss, examines the work of Steven King, Barbara Kingsolver and Kingsley Amis.


  • The Rise and Fall of Jason Becker (and Rise Again) 9/1/00
    By Wil Forbis
    As the guitarist for the David Lee Roth band
    , 20 year old Jason Becker was on top of the world. Then tragedy struck, and his life went in a strange new direction.
  • Cheny of Fools/Blacklisting Richard Lewis 8/17/00
    By John Saleeby
    Get set for a double shot of Saleeby as he points the pen at Mary Cheny and Richard Lewis.


  • Fashion Tips for Mutant Superheros 8/17/00
    By Spar Sperling
    As the siege of X-Men mania descends upon us, peruse this synopsis of superhero style.


  • Art Talk With The Ramones 7/30/00
    By John Saleeby

    Saleeby delivers another comedic double whammy while discussing the art world and post punk careers of the Ramones.


  • Death To All Taggers 7/30/00
    By Anthony Passonno
    "...
    a modern day, hipster Zarathustra, waiting and watching, then crossing the abyss in a frenzied state of berserker rage and Wagnerian bravado, until I see IT!!! SOMEONE TAGGED MY FUCKING BUILDING!!!"


  • Chicken Soup For The Serial Killer's Soul 7/13/00
    By Patrick Raftery

    We could all stand to learn something from the soul enriching experience of a serial killer.


  • Learning From Your Shame 6/28/00
    By Rev John D. Finkletter

    One of the best ways to grow as a person is to learn from the sordid moments in your past. And the Rev's got plenty of them.


  • Great Forgotten Moments of the 1970's 6/15/00
    By John Saleeby

    Hold onto your pants for two articles in one, as Saleeby gives the straight dope on the decade of sin and the disdain of Kathy Lee Gifford.


  • Are You a Scumbag? 5/25/00
    By John Saleeby
    Take the quiz to find out if you're either an average guy, a serial killer, or a bitter stand up comedian. (Which of the three options is not a scumbag is left to the reader's discretion.)

  • My Prison Diaries 5/10/00
    By John Saleeby
    Ex-stand up comedian, Saleeby, summarizes his years in the big house... a place where defending the good name of Charlie Chaplin becomes a point of honor.

  • Things That Annoy Me 4/30/00
    By Seana Sperling
    • #2 The Noise Patrol: Seana continues venting, aiming her rage at car alarms, construction workers and other ill gotten noisemakers.
    • #1 Hair = IQ: Seana Sperling starts off her long awaited "Things That Annoy Me" series by taking a jab at the lowest order of witticism: The Blonde Joke.
  • Kurt Cobain 4/13/00
    By Devora
    Devora lays down the final word on the Gen X icon
    .

  • Let's Hear it For Anti-Depressants! 4/13/00
    By Mad Brunette
    Goddamit, drugs aren't problem... They're the solution!


  • Cubical Spawn 3/30/00
    By Tom Skuja
    The truth is, you can never say enough about how unattractive babies are.
  • The Columbine Massacre For Total Idiots 2/11/00
    By Devora
    Amidst the hype of all these school shootings it may be hard to find the truth. Devora lays it out for the cerebrally impaired.


  • James Brolin Gets A Role 2/11/00
    By Ian Wolfe
    After years of struggle James Brolin has been offered the role of a lifetime... and Ms. Streisand won't take "no" for an answer.


  • Assisting the Disabled 1/20/00
    By Seana Sperling
    In true Acid Logic fashion, Seana Sperling details the many ways we can help the disabled in our society. And how many people already are!

  • BucketHead... Groove On 12/9/99
    By Spoiks
    BucketHead, a masked, chicken lovin' demon has been mixing guitar solos and Giant Lizards for years now. Isn't it time he got his due?

  • Michael Schenker is God 10/11/99
    By Spoiks
    In America, circa 1987, metal ruled the land (to paraphrase Judas Priest.) And perhaps its most fiercesome practitioner was Michael Schenker, a long-maned, rail thin agent of darkness.

  • Billy Preston is the Funkiest, Grooviest, Motherfucker on the Planet 10/2/99
    By Spoiks
    "Outta-space," one of the funkiest songs of all time, has fallen between the cracks of American music. Yet Billy Preston has more groove in his little finger than the Chili Peppers and their concubines combined.

  • Conrad's Night in the Big House
    By Conrad Keely
    Conrad Keely sent me this article about his first night in jail. Is it a desperate cry for help... or something much, much more?

  • A Dignified Analysis of Devo's Freedom of Choice
    By Wil Forbis

    An insightful and intriguing look at this underated band. You will find your life changed or your money back.


 

 

 

 

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