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Seattle Hit By Major Quake

By Anthony Passonno
Acid Logic, Seattle Bureau Chief

Seattle Washington
Wednesday, February 28, 2001

Wednesday, or "Hump Day" as they traditionally call it, began like any other in Seattle. The traffic was bad, as usual, and the coffee was warm and frothy, like a warm, frothy Seattle summer. By 10:00 am, the streets were crowded, with Dot Com hotshots, Baristas and Bailiffs, Soccer moms, Soccer kids, and the homeless of Pioneer Square all asleep in their sweet, simple naivete, not yet aware of the danger yet to befall them.

By 10:55 am, their slumber was rudely awakened by the first major earthquake to hit the Puget Sound inroughly 50 some years, and the effect was as could be expected.

The quake, which was clocked at 6.8 on the Richter scale, shook homes and major businesses alike, closing many schools, and even Boeing's local plant due to safety concerns.

Destruction was widespread, though not as bad as it could have been considering the severity of the tremor and the relative unpreparedness of the general population. A few local businesses withstood major damage, with Seattle's Fenix Underground, a nightclub, losing the entirety of it's front section, including the awning and windows.

Local geologist Akira Shugokawa, from the Seattle/Japan Institute for the study of Geological Phenomenon and Giant Monster Research, spoke at length about the recent events, and was quite candid about his beliefs.

"Well, the general concensus here in the Seattle office is that we believe that Godzilla was probably involved, as our Tokyo office has been tracking the giant lizard for two weeks with GPS, and we have him tracked to the Washington State area, at approximately 9:03 A.M., Seattle time."

Washington State Officials, including members of the University of Washington Seismology Lab, dismissed Dr. Shugokawa's report as the ramblings of a drunken lunatic.

Godzilla could not be reached for comment.

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Wil Forbis is a well known international playboy who lives a fast paced life attending chic parties, performing feats of derring-do and making love to the world's most beautiful women. Together with his partner, Scrotum-Boy, he is making the world safe for democracy. Email -

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