By John Saleeby and Wil Forbis
Sept 1st, 2004

Wendy Raquel Robinson
Wendy plays the unbearably adorable Principal of the high school Steve Harvey teaches at in "The Steve Harvey Show". If my high school had a fine little black girl like that for a Principal we probably would have had a chubby middle aged white man on our cheerleading squad, which would have made our high school one hell of a lot funnier than the one on "The Steve Harvey Show". Wendy is a black woman but our parents don't read Acid Logic so we can say not only would we have sex with her every little way possible but we'd also marry her and have half breed children and live in a shitty apartment, smoke crack, collect welfare, mug little old ladies, die in a knife fight, and get buried in a track suit for her. Just for clarification, Wendy is the really pretty Principal who has an utterly baffling flirtation with Steve Harvey on the show, NOT the skanky ho who works in the school office and does Cedric "The Entertainer" on the show and probably in the parking lot as well. Her we'd just have sex with. And in fact, actually have. - JS

Amy Pohler
Ahh sweet Amy. She's about the only thing worth watching on Saturday Night Live now that Will Ferrell's gone. Not only is she blessed with surprisingly good looks for a comedy chick, she's also drop-dead funny. And here at acid logic we like girls who are funny for one good reason: they have vaginas! (Plus boobies.) However could we, men of acid logic and self professed "funny guys", be able to handle having a funny girl around? Or would our egos melt as she out zinged and outwitted us. And even though we remain pure by not contaminating acid logic with the sins of commerce (despite numerous offers), would we not start to eye Amy's Hollywood career and television paycheck with envy? Maybe it's best we only love Amy from a distance - no closer than a 100 yards, just like the restraining order said.

Hey, wouldn't Amy be great in a remake of "The Flying Nun"? - WF

Lolita Davidovich
Lolita woulda been the Biggest Female Star Of All Time if she wasn't in so many crappy movies. Like that Brian DePalma thing where John Lithgow has multiple personalities - When you've got a babe like Lolita Davidovich in your movie who needs any guys at all, much less a creep like John Lithgow with multiple personalities? Or that thing where Richard Gere couldn't make up his mind between Lolita Davidovich or Sharon Stone? You'd have half the world making homo jokes about you too if you couldn't automatically pick Lolita Davidovich over Sharon Stone. Sharon Stone! A whole room full of LAPD Homicide detectives and not a single one of em has seen pussy hair before? If that had been Lolita everything would have been cool until all the cops were walking out and the guy who played Newman on "Seinfeld" would have poked Michael Douglas in the ribs and chuckled "Hey, am I crazy, but did that redhead flash us a little pussy hair?" "Yeah!" "She is sooo cute!" "I love her!" "I loved her first!" And John Lithgow would have turned out to be the killer. - JS

Cheri Oteri
Cheri Oteri was the third member of the "Charlie's Angels" of late 90's Saturday Night Live (partnered with Molly Shannon and Ana Gasteyer.) During her run, Cheri emanated that combination of female insecurity and the need for male approval I always find so attractive. With this diminutive comedienne the tragedy simmered just below the comedy in her collection of either clueless or embittered stock characters. You got the impression that she, like a lot of women, never realized how cute she really was, and that can be great for guys who like an easy kill. (I've never been one of these "turned on by the challenge" cats.)

On top of everything else (and I'd definitely let Cheri be on top!) she's a skilled impersonator of a vast range of female celebrities. Imagine going to bed with a different woman every night - first Barbara Walters, then Judge Judy, then Debbie Reynolds.

Eh... maybe not. (Besides, it's not like it's that hard to get the real Debbie Reynolds in bed. Still, Cheri rules!) - WF


Holly Hunter
Everybody loves Holly Hunter but nobody talks about it. It's as if everybody somehow got the idea that she was a guy in drag and if you talk about how much you are attracted to her everybody will know you are a homo. Well, don't worry about it - If you're a homo everybody already knows about it and it was probably caused by repressing the urge to talk about how much you'd like to make it with Holly Hunter. Holly Hunter - So cute that if she turned out to be a guy in drag we wouldn't beat him to death. Now, that is cute. - JS

This Girl We Saw On The Maury Povitch Show Who Thought Some Black Guy Was Her Kid's Dad But He Wasn't So They Brought In Two Other Black Guys Who Might Have Been The Dad But Neither One Of Em Was And They Brought In Another Black Guy Who Wasn't The Dad And Then Not Even Maury Could Keep A Straight Face And They Let Her Off With A New DVD Player And her Mom was hot, too!

The New Jersey Gay Governor's Wife
Have you seen this chick? Damn! If you only saw her standing there trying to look calm, cool, and collected during that press conference that's still more attention than she ever got out of her "husband". Mmm, it must be jelly cause jam don't stand there trying to look calm, cool, and collected like that! This is a woman who will let you get away with anything! Kinda like Hillary Clinton only attractive and less ambitious. But imagine the anguish of wasting the best years of your life helping some closet case create the illusion of a normal life (Just a little hint to you young gals with Usher posters on the wall). - JS

Tune in in the future for More "Unappreciated Babes." Who knows? You may see your wife! HAW HAW HAW HAW!!!

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