Something happened to me
this past summer. I noticed a degree of apathy in me that far exceeded
my usual levels. It only increased. It was followed by a depression
so embarrassing, I began to understand Goths. In December it hit
me with the force I could only liken to my childhood days of watching
my friend Corina's head being smashed into a porcelain sink by her
alcoholic bastard father. And like Corina's face, my brain remained
bruised for several months after.
I'll spare you
the weepy, pathetic details, but suffice it to say that I had all
the energy and drive of a three toed sloth. I hated myself for what
I was becoming. Eventually, I went to my doctor.
My thyroid was
checked, turned up normal. My epilepsy was still dormant. Everything
seemed okay. The doctor told me that this was going to take
a long time to get over, and that no pill would make it all go away.
A doctor has
never been so wrong.
Now, my usual
solution to this would be about five shots of Old Kentucky Whiskey,
but I decided to enter the world of pharmaceuticals. Something by
the name of Prozac has captured my heart. I'm all about easy answers...
especially regarding my mental health. The last thing I want to
end up as is some walking depressed drone. So, mother fucker, ghetto
blast my ass with that shit. I want to be able to laugh at humanity
again, instead of sobbing in the corner of my room.
Now, don't get
me wrong...Prozac isn't all a cake ride. I had to take the shit
for over a month before it did a damn thing. Oh, except for those
panic attacks. Yeah, that. Well, when your body receives a thorough
serotonin attack, it doesn't always know just how to process it.
So, what you may experience is two weeks of degrading panic attacks
leaving you weeping and hypervenilating into the wee hours of the
night. But, trust me, it's worth it.
I'm gonna go blow
bubbles from my balcony, and try and figure out if there's any way
I can main line this shit. Burn it down, inject it straight. If
you have any suggestions, do share.
Read more Mad
Brunette here: http://www.angelfire.com/va/ginaforall/