Let's Hear it for Thog-Zar!

By Zog Fug
January 16th, 200000456 B.C.
Me am Zog Fug and me know that everybody (and me do mean everybody) knows THog-Zar. He has been a part of our tribe for many moons. But me think that not everybody fully appreciate what THog-Zar has done for our tribe. After all, Thog-Zar not like to draw attention to himself - THog-Zar quiet and reserved. So me write this article so everybody (and me do mean everybody) will appreciate THog-Zar.

What great idea THog-Zar think up next?

Me like THog-Zar because he use head muscle just as much as he use arm muscle. (If Zog Fug use head muscle as much as THog-Zar, he have headache. Ha Ha. At least that what Mrs. Fug say.) For example, what do we do when the moon passes over us three times? We pack up our shit and go south to warm, happy place. But how we know to wait for three moons? It was THog-Zar who many rotations ago counted the moon's passing and discovered that cold times come before the fourth moon. Me remember because me was there. THog-Zar told everyone we should leave, but not everybody listen. Bog-Boggoth and his crew say THog-Zar crazy and they stay behind. (Good riddance!) When we return after 9 passings of the moon we find the bones of Bog-Boggoth being piked clean by giant jungle cat. Ha! Everybody laugh at stupid Bog-Boggoth. Children use his skull for soccer ball.

But that not all THog-Zar do. Everybody say, "Who invent wheel?" I say "THog-Zar invent wheel." I remember when Thog-Zar come to group meeting and say "Square bad, circle good!" Big Grok say, "THog-Zar wrong. Square good. Circle bad." THog-Zar take circle rock and smash open Big Grok's skull. And that is how Thog-Zar invent wheel.

(THog-Zar then say, "The circular shape of this rock could also be used as an impedence free tool to transport objects.")

Mrs. Fug just remind me: THog-Zar also make great stride for the rights of women in our tribe. Remember when man used to mate with women by hitting her over head with big stick and dragging her back to cave by her hair? It was THog-Zar who say this was wrong. He say: Hit woman over head with big stick, then carry her (not drag by hair) back to cave. Many women thank THog-Zar for his idea. One time, Thog-Zar even say to me, "Sometimes, I think women might even be equal to men." Ha! This show THog-Zar not afraid to have sense of humor.

What else great about Thog-Zar? They say that 20 moons ago, Mug-Floggo discovered how to tame fire. But I saw it was Thog-Zar who took this discovery and gave it practical application. Mug-Floggo only use fire to keep warm and cook animal meats. But when our tribe was attacked by enemy Howling Donkey tribe it was THog-Zar who suggest setting spears on fire and throwing at Howling Donkey women and children. How will Howling Dockeys have babies when women all burned up? Ha! We give them something howl about that day. Good job, THog-Zar!

Thog-Zar count moons, invent wheel, give women rights, use fire and do much more for our tribe. Me say Thog-Zar have a pretty good record. So let's hear it for Thog-Zar!

Yaaaay Thog-Zar!

Yipppieee Thog-Zar.

Zog Fug has been leader of the Fierce Owl tribe for many rotations. His accomplishments include banishing Big-Tooth, mating with six females in one day, and designing a prototype space station made out of dust and hair. He has been known to make words in Scrabble that are up to 4 characters long.