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My Attorney General Worships Satan

By Cody Wayne
December 16th, 2001

For the most damning proof of John Ashcroft's Satan-worship, one need look no further than this unaltered photograph.

The worst thing that can happen to a person or group of people is for them to become Satanic and not realize it. Just look at the Taliban, Al Queda, or any fanatical network. Most of them have turned to the powers of Satan and simply haven't realized it yet. And they probably never will. They actually think they're messengers of GOD… some strange new God that the rest of the world is unaware of. They're under a spell of righteousness spurred on by the life-long conditioning of their immediate peer group. When they sit around jerkin' each other off with their All-Holy Regurgitation Lube, they form a support group for the Satan they've all found within themselves… and, again, they don't even realize it. They don't realize that by jackin' each other off with religious conservational rhetoric, what they're actually doing is sending us all into the bowels of Hell and Damnation, slowly.

But this sort of Satanism doesn't stop with those who, we've been told, are our "evil" enemies overseas. This is the 21st century, people. Even Satan's had an emotional overhaul, mending his ways from the wholly evil to the partly evil. Same goes for God. No longer does God consider Itself to be THAT great or THAT good (i.e. It ain't ALL THAT), It's feeling OK, a little unsure of Its pure goodness since the ol' Sept. 11th debacle, but It's hangin' tough.

In other words, the lines of good and evil are getting fuzzy. Let us not forget the evil forces slithering through OUR Pure Great and Good nation UNDER GOD (or so they think). There's a certain sect of Satanism bubbling up right under our self-proclaimed American asses. No, no, no, I'm not talking about evil cults or the Subgenius ( or crack-dealers. I'm talking about none other than our Great leader and his Great sidekick, George W. Bush and John Ashcroft as they continue the Satanic tradition we started more than 200 years ago in spreading Americanism and capitalism around the globe under the guise of being the Greatest, the Best, the All-Knowing, BIG BROTHER.

John Ashcroft is a Satan worshiper, and George Dubya has unknowingly been possessed by Satan. There is no doubt about this. I have several indiscloseable sources to back me up.

Now, normally this wouldn't be a problem. To each their own, I say. If you want to worship the Dark Lord, that's fine, just keep me out of it. Yes, NORMALLY this would be a secret underground ceremony held in some far-removed barn in Utah by Mormons gone naughty. But the problem is that we have to watch and put up with the rites of these fuckin' guys every fucking day. The REAL problem is that this man, George Dubya (Satan), has had an AUDIENCE for the last year, one that's had to listen and get lumped in with all his simpleton sensibilities, Good vs. Evil, Right vs. Wrong, Life vs. Death, under the guise of being "American". These men go by the concept of "You suck my cock, I'll suck yours," and it's spreading throughout the government proper!… Or maybe it's been there all along????

(Please note: These cyborgs are actually in control, ya'll. They make Decisions. Just so it's perfectly clear to everyone, yes, these "things" are actually in control of the world's fate. They are not people. They may look human, but they are not. Do not be fooled.)

But this piece isn't about Dubya. The poor guy gets enough press and stupid-ops to fill the time slot of "America's Funniest Home Videos" every week. Have you, even once seen a picture or video clip of George Dubya and thought, "Wow, now that's an intelligent and superior man by all respects. Thank God the prestige of the presidency has been upheld." I have yet to see one thing that paints the guy in a good light.

Yeah, so, no. I've decided to base this piece on the exploration of John Ashcroft's Satanic tendencies by examining some quotes and general descriptions that relate to his particular brand of pseudo-American Satanism.

Here's Ashcroft's intro on the Department of Justice web site (

"Calling him 'a man of great integrity, a man of great judgment and a man who knows the law,' President George W. Bush announced his decision to nominate John Ashcroft to serve as Attorney General of the United States on December 22, 2000. Upon confirmation by the Senate, Ashcroft pledged to renew the war on drugs, reduce the incidence of gun violence and combat discrimination so no American feels outside the protection of the law."

"Renew the war on drugs" - a fine pledge indeed. The People love to hear that, and when I say "People" I'm referring to the general mass populace residing in the Fog, and when I say "Fog" I'm actually referring to the steam rising from the heaping truckloads of heated bullshit we get shoveled onto us by our Big Brother on a consistent basis. After all, what are Big Brothers for? These People I speak of are our fellow brethren, of course, but they're also the Lost Children of Humanity, but because they can't SEE, they don't even realize they're lost. They need a helping hand ya'll! The blind can't lead the blind; or, at least, they shouldn't! Pass these People a doober, quick! And God Bless America. No, seriously. Home of Personal Freedoms all the way!

"Reduce the incidence of gun violence" - …please, is this or is this not fucking America! We relish in our death rate at the hands of gun violence. That's one of the things that makes America America, ya dolt! But it kinda goes along with the war on drugs… it's a no-brainer as an issue for the People to bite into.

"Combat discrimination"- Ohhh, yeah! Totally PC, dude. Good word choice. "Combat" as opposed to "war on". We don't really want a WAR on discrimination because it's really not that big of a deal, right? But wait a minute, the War on Drugs is actually just another name for "War on Minorities" when you take a peak through our historic trail of legislative bullshit. All drug laws were founded as a way to wipe out troublesome minority elements near the turn of the century as they tried to infest our American culture AND our American women. In 1876, opium was made illegal in San Francisco as a result of prevailing fears associated with the introduction of the mysterious Chinamen who'd come to build the railroads. First, ponytails were outlawed, then certain types of Oriental clothing, and then the carrying of water in Oriental fashion. But when American WOMEN became interested in the predominantly male opium dens, American men were stricken with fear that these lonely Chinamen would snatch up their women with the allure of opium. Therefore, opium became illegal and the first U.S. drug law was officially enacted.

And then there was the whole New Orleans debacle in the 20's. All those Blacks, Dominicans, Cubans, Jamaicans, and slews of other migrants descended on the biggest southern port, shakin' things up and creating jazz in the process. And with jazz came pot, especially since alcohol was illegal. And then people got CRAZED with jazz and everyone partied down and crime rates went up and the crime was attributed to the use of the dreaded weed and it all made sense; especially when pure white American WOMEN became entranced by the darkies and all their savage music and marijuana use. I suppose it was easier and more substantiated to make marijuana illegal than to make music illegal, after all, music was a God-given All-American freedom (for whitey, that is). They also must have realized how shrewd yet ultimately unjust it would've been to say that anyone with dark skin had to leave the country at once or be hunted down like dogs and lynched (mob rules'll take care 'a that!).

Don't forget the infamous laws of Texas. Those fuckers went all out with their laws and punishments. Texans didn't need anymore Mexicans plowin' their fields once the Depression hit, so how were they gonna get rid of all those wet-backs who were now stealing jobs away from good American white men? …make the marijuana they smoked illegal. In fact, incorporate CAPITAL PUNISHMENT into the mix just for hyperbole's sake. For the possession of even a single doober, let's just make it DEATH…what the hell. Oh, did those Mexicans ever "run for the border", and it wasn't from hearin' no taco-shillin' from a Chihuahua.

( for recent news on the new drug czar.)

Hmmm, that's right. It's all clear now. Funny how we humans forget and resolve to remain individually unaffected by things that we didn't have to personally live through. I guess that's why history is such a popular subject amongst the populace these days, eh? Oh, so very popular.

So let's see here… we have a war on drugs/minorities while we're combating discrimination. All righty then! I think I get it! See, that's called "logic" and a lot of times when you put things together that don't make sense and take a few seconds to put some "logical" thought into it, you realize the logistical fallacies of almost everything every political pundit ever says or legislates.

And with the racism box open, isn't it funny how the American Government went public in denouncing the general racism and hate crimes that blew up around the country, yet they're enacting bills, amendments, and statutes that are inherently racist? But Ashcroft is a crafty one (Mr. Ash-crafty TO YOU!). Unlike Satan, Ashcroft can talk the human talk. He's devised an ingenious explanation for the particular people he's rounded up. It's not their color or religious background they're pinpointing, it's the country in which their passports were issued! Clever Johnny. Oh clever Johnny. Here's what Satan and his followers actually said publicly to our Fogged-over American wing nuts who, I might add, are consistently allowed to VOTE. This is a translation from their forked-tongue-speak, "Hey hey hey… cool your jets there partner. Can't very well get outrightly crazy about this whole thing, killin' sand-niggers out in the open. Just leave it to us. We've got a conundrum of new laws that'll get rid of all the rag-heads, but with DUE PROCESS. It all appears clean and straightforward. Trust us… we're in control. We're your United States Department of Justice. Let's not make a big mess of this. Remember, this is America, your protector. We're doing the right things. WE ARE PROTECTING YOU… don't you trust your protector???"

I mean that's some eerie-ass shit.

And for some real hoots, check out the Orwellian overtones in this clip from a November 27th press conference:

"And the question has to be asked: Are people going to accept their responsibility to help us prevent additional terrorist attacks or not? And I believe that's everyone's responsibility."

But of course it is, John. If we all turned into paranoid panic-stricken citizens, we could all be on your same high plateau of suspicion, becoming misled informants to your organization of Satanists, giving you reason to snatch people up in the middle of the night, no questions asked.

(Please note: You may say to yourself, "My God [and I do mean MY God, as in YOUR personal God which we're all entitled to… or are we?], these guys are in control of the fate of the world… how did it happen? This is all right. This is normal. Please stay well tuned and as far away from high-alert as possible.)

And now, back to the clinching, gut-wrenching closer of Mr. Ash-crafty's personal web statement:

"SO NO AMERICAN FEELS OUTSIDE THE PROTECTION OF THE LAW" - Well, there it is. He said it himself. In plain mutha fuckin' English. If he could, I'm sure Mr. Ashcroft would love to wrap every American in a shroud of immediate shrewd justice, much like the ones worn by the women under Taliban rule. Righteousness for all. Everyone will be monitored. "Hey, John, where's my personal microchip and barcode! Oh, and John, there's a corner over here with no camera. I'd HATE to be outside the protection of the law for even one horrid second! Good American God, no! It's not safe out there without THE LAW!"

Fortunately, Ashcroft and Bush are yielding in regards to this issue. We can count on Military Tribunals to break us out of the stagnant mold of due process. Military Tribunals are frequently held in Hell as a way to move things along… quickly. In this way, we'll be protected from knowing anything about the terrorist witch-hunt trials going on anywhere around the world at any given time using confidential and possibly unsubstantiated evidence.

As a side note, one thing that comes to mind in looking over just a few amendments and bills ( available online is… when is it gonna end? For how long can we keep adding and adding and adding to what will eventually collapse in on itself? We usually call these things "Black Holes". Keep in mind that what we're actually doing is creating a Legislative Black Hole, and when we finally get it to that critical mass, shit's gonna collapse. I mean, it's gotten to the point where we need specially trained "law-yers" to get through it all. Then we pay 'em shitloads of money and project this conjured up heap of prestige on their being. We wouldn't need these all-knowing beasts if it weren't for the layers of structured bullshit we've created for ourselves. It's fucking Godzilla, man. Put enough lawyers together and we've got ourselves a Voltronic Law-zilla ready to radiate and wreak havoc on sprawling coastal cities. It's happening. Just look in your phonebook under their alias, "Attorney". If not Law-zilla, then most definitely a monster of some kind has been bred from the bosom of law.

(Please note: John Ashcroft is our Attorney General, ya'll. Let it sink in. George W. Bush is our president. George W. Bush is our fucking president. Let it wash over you, it should feel like a tsunami. This is normal. This is good.)

Another question: Why is it that we decided to freeze the bank accounts of known terrorists NOW as opposed to, let's say, a long time ago? If we knew what accounts to freeze up THAT quickly in response to the attacks, why weren't we freezing up accounts A LONG TIME AGO? How did we know what accounts to go for? It was as if we knew all along which accounts were supporting terrorist activities but did nothing about it until we were attacked. This leads me to believe that the American Government was in some way gaining something, as in Power or Money or Oil, by looking the other way, a very common symptom of Satanism.

As a closer, I'd like to point out some slight fumbling and avoidance tactics used by Ashcroft when confronted with the concept of "civil liberties for all", from the transcript of a press conference given by Ashcroft on November 27, 2001 (

"Q: Well, what about a full-time commission, civil liberties commission, that basically has the confidence of Congress, that could assure the American people that civil liberties are not --

ATTY GEN. ASHCROFT: Maybe you ought to make that your platform when you run for president next time! (Laughter.)

(Laughing) I thank you all. It's nice to be with you. Thank you.


Civil liberties are so funny.

Here's what should be the obvious bottom line: never ever EVER trust a politician, a strategist, or anyone involved in the capitalist gang-bang. They are Satanists. There will NEVER be a time when what They say isn't clouded with double- or triple-speak; what the public wants to hear, what they can get the People to do for them, what They can safely say without getting caught, and what can get Them more money, power, prestige, and any combination thereof. There will always be petty ego agendas chomping away at what really matters in life while We sit back and chill with Our individual grasps of what really matters in life. It's apparent clear across history and it's a fucking shame, especially when we're down to these crucial End-Times. Our human representatives are fucking idiots with NOTHING to say of any substance.

Nothing… and they KEEP FUCKING TALKING!

Therefore, I think it's our job as human beings to help these poor Satan-ravaged souls. The little Satan within Them must be driven from their souls once and for all, and if that doesn't work, well then, I guess we'll just hafta have some mercy killin's. It's for the good of humanity, after all…

Is there an exorcist in the house?