A collection of reader submissions rejected from Penthouse magazine's elite Forum section...
By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby
March 16th, 2002

As any young man who has ever pounded the pud to pornography knows, the Penthouse Magazine's Forum is a section for the magazine's many eager and oversexed readers to share their wild and often unbelievable sexual escapades, free from society's derision or scorn...... We at Acid Logic had often wondered, "Gee, it seems like every one of these letters describe a perfect sexual encounter. Does Penthouse ever reject letters, because they don't arise to their high standards?" Well, a quick rifling through the Penthouse Offices garbage canister turned up several things, including Sybil Danning, but also found were several hundred Penthouse Forum rejects - letters lacking the literary merit that Penthouse readership has come to expect. We enclose a sampling of our discoveries here.

Reject #1: Just Like Red From TV
Rhonda, embarrassed at being practically naked in front of a man old enough to look like Red on "That Seventies Show" and the bad guy from "Robocop", grabbed Cecily's present and ran into Cecily's room with it while Debbie invited me to take off my coat and have a beer.
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Reject #2: For the Young at Heart
"Turn me over!" Mavis suddenly commanded. "I want to do it naughty-style!" Eagerly I groped at her form, straining to flop her over onto the kitchen floor so I might gaze on her delectable derriere.
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Reject #3: Brown Eyes to Die For
His body lay on a surgeon's table, and Igor carried his head in a kitty transport we use for such occasions. "Melvira!" Igor commanded in his often unintelligible Gypsy accent, "This child of the lord will be buried tomorrow and he will need all you're skills to make him presentable for an open casket funeral for his family!"
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Reject #4:Nice Guys Finish Last
I turned around and found myself face to face with a vision of loveliness in a lime green tube top, leopard skin mini skirt, and matching dreadlocks - Don't try, friend... The essence of true beauty cannot be conveyed by the written word!
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