A collection of reader submissions rejected from Penthouse magazine's elite Forum section...
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My nineteen-year-old daughter Cecily shares an apartment with two girlfriends of hers, Debbie and Rhonda. Last night I went up there to drop off a Christmas present for Cecily from her Aunt Trudy. But I was the one who got the real "present" because it turned out that Cecily was out studying at the library and Debbie and Rhonda had been drinking beer and dancing around the living room with such ferocity that they had worked up a sweat and stripped down to their bras and panties. Rhonda, embarrassed at being practically naked in front of a man old enough to look like Red on "That Seventies Show" and the bad guy from "Robocop", grabbed Cecily's present and ran into Cecily's room with it while Debbie invited me to take off my coat and have a beer.

How could I resist? Debbie is an eighteen year old beauty who is the exact spitting image of that really sexy young chick on that show on TV about the Pastor and his wife and kids - You know, the show on the WB where the Pastor and his wife have a teenage son who's always getting into all kinds of zany situations and a younger son with blonde hair, which is weird because the older son has dark hair, and then this totally fine young babe for an older daughter who is so sexy every time you see her on the screen you wonder what the hell a piece of ass like that is doing on a show about a Pastor. So I took off my coat - same kind Bob wore on "The Bob Newhart Show" - and I put it on a hanger inside the closet and when I turned around and closed the closet behind me I see that Debbie has pulled off her panties and is on her knees with her back to me on the sofa. Before I could say anything Debbie looked at me over her shoulder and asked me if I would like to eat her ass. I'm not sure if Debbie asked "Do you want to eat my ass?" or "Will you eat my ass?" or "Would you like to eat my ass?" or maybe something more commanding like "Eat my ass!", I'm just sure it was something about me eating her ass.

Now, I'm a married man and I try to lead a decent life, but when an eighteen year old girl who looks exactly like that chick on "Seventh Heaven" - Yeah, that's the name of the show she's on, "Seventh Heaven", and - You know what? - A couple of months ago she was in a movie with Freddie Prinze, Jr., too. I think he was a baseball player and there was a shot of her in theTV commercial in a white bikini where she looked really amazing, just totally hot. Prinze was riding a lawn mower and when he saw her in that bikini he completely forgot what he was doing and drove the lawn mower right into a flower bed or something, I dunno - I was just thinking about how much I'd like to go down her sweet young ass. So when a girl that looks like that asks you to eat her ass, you eat her ass.

So the whole time I was licking her ass I was thinking "If you had ever told me all the times I was looking at that girl on 'Seventh Heaven' and wishing I could get a piece off of her that one day I would be lucky enough to get a piece of of a girl that looked just like her I woulda told you 'Yeah, in my dreams!'. But there I was, munchin' away on Debbie and taking occasional peeks at the sofa to try and remember if it looked anything like the sofa in the Pastor's house in "Seventh Heaven", Oh God - That would have been too much!

Suddenly my face was pulled away from Debbie and I was slammed to the floor by Rhonda who had completed putting away Cecily's present and returned to the living room. I looked up speechless at Rhonda as she peeled off her own panties and now I was in "Eighth Heaven" because Rhonda always reminded me of that girl on "Sabrina The Teenage Witch", that show that used to be on ABC but now it's on the UPN, you know - with that talking black cat and the two aunts, the older one is pretty sexy but the other one is a big loud cow who's going to take over hosting the Rosie O'Donnell now that Rosie is coming out of the closet as a lesbian (Like anybody is going to be surprised by that!). But to Hell with her, cause now Rhonda, who looked exactly likeSabrina The Teenage Witch squatted right down and started rubbing her sopping wet vagina and sweaty sweet ass all over my face while she leaned forward and started sucking away on Rhonda's twat and ass herself! Oh God, I was in "Eighth Heaven"! Get it? If the show with the really hot girl in the Freddie Prinze, Jr. lawn mower movie is "Seventh Heaven", the girl from Sabrina The Teenage Witch eating her pussy while sitting on Red from "That Seventies Show's" face is "Eighth Heaven". Pretty good, huh? Maybe you could use that as the title of the letter when you put it in your magazine.

I would have liked to fuck at least one of them but then Cecily came in and started screaming until I promised to get her an apartment of her own. And I have to pay her rent to keep her from telling my wife about her roommates and me. Maybe you can write a better ending, maybe one involving a girl who looks like Kirsten Dunst or Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Courtney Cox. Or that Mexican girl who was in that movie about the Mexican guy who came to town with a guitar case full of guns and shot everybody. That really hot Mexican girl, you know - She was in that movie about the Mexican strip club that was run by vampires, she was the stripper who poured whiskey down her leg so some guy could drink it off her Mexican foot. Yeah, write an ending where Red from "That Seventies Show" fucks a girl who looks like her. On a sofa just like the one in that Pastor's house in "Seventh Heaven". Yeah.