1 Devo

2 AC/DC

3 Nina Hagen

4 Chic

5 Extreme

You people should send me you top 5 - I'd like to make fun of them.
posted by wil forbis 10/30/2002 08:20:02 PM

Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Don't look at me with that accusatory eye. I'm just sitting listening to Cher's "Gypsys, Tramps and Thieves."
posted by wil forbis 10/29/2002 07:54:27 PM

Monday, October 28, 2002
Actually, Tarryn, I may very well get around to adding your archives soon. It's something I've been meaning to do for a while but only now got around to it.

I saw what might be be the worst film ever last night: Dee Snider's Strangeland. It was totally fucked with weird pacing and the villian was some kind of modern primitive fag. Any real man could take him out in two seconds. The dialogue was predictably bad and the story was lame. I know, I know... "Couldn't you tell it would be lame by looking at the box?" Blow Me!
posted by wil forbis 10/28/2002 07:41:42 PM

Sunday, October 27, 2002
You know, I just realized I'm not done trashing that Salon article about Kurt Cobain. Especially this line: "As Axl Rose was in the process of transforming himself from a menacing thug -- a racist, homophobic one, at that -- into a misunderstood, tender, yet bombastic man whose muse was Elton John, so Cobain made depression and introspection vogue in a way that no singer-songwriter had previously done."

What interesting is that the author inadvertently hits upon why I found Axl Rose more interesting than Cobain. Plain and simple, thuggery is more real than introspection. I mean, you can say what you want about Rose, but I don't think there's any doubt that the rage he portrayed was genuine. It may have been pointless and stupid but Rose was mining the bile of his white trash experience while Eminem was still listening to Barney records and it was fascinating to watch. And of course he was a racist homophobe - if you going to be a menacing thug it goes with the territory. No one says, "I'm going to go on a beating spree but I'll make sure to only attack people of my race and sexual preference - anything else would be uncivilized. To be a thug is to refute society's rules - all of them, not just the politically incorrect ones. (THUG LIFE NIGGGGAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!) Rose was a beast and it made him a great spectacle, like watching and cheering as a tiger in a zoo pulverizes a small child who's fallen into his cage.

Cobain on the other hand was... boring. He badly needed some racism or sexism. Society at that time was screaming at us to be politically correct, to not offend, and it was the perfect time for an inoffensive, non racist, non-homophobic nancy boy to be crowned king. Cobain was a neutered pet of society. I have no doubt the guy was genuinely tormented and I do have real sympathy for him, but the Cobain icon - the tortured, harmless whipping boy that even a feminist could love was too bland to be of interest.

This also explains why I rarely got pussy in those days. Chicks were looking the riot grrl embodiment of manhood - a pseudo-intellectual, bisexual nimrod, whereas I was 100 hennurt percent ALL-MAN! Get yer Charles Atlas Grade A American beef right here Girls! Rawrrrr!

Yeah, that explains it.

As a side note, it's funny how these rock critics were simultaneously dissing Rose as a racist homophobe, while accolading bands like NWA who were doing the exact same thing. (Unless you buy into that "black people can't be racist" bullshit.) As I've said before, I love gangsta rap, but I fully acknowledge it for what it is - male bravado and brutality at it's finest. It took the make rock critics a few years to catch heat from the feminists and reverse their opinion on gangsta rap. But they did, like the ballsless cretins they are.

I've linked to it before, but Damien Cave did a great piece on Axl in Salon. At least they got a few non-pussies working for them.

By the way, if you disagree with me at any point, you are a lesbian!

I guess Peaches is the amalgamation of Gangsta Rap and Riot grrl.

posted by wil forbis 10/27/2002 09:50:58 AM

Friday, October 25, 2002
You know, I always thought Kurt Cobain was a complete moron, but I have to tip my hat to these recently released sections of his journals in which he slanders even greater morons: Pearl Jam! Much the way the United States is willing to side with an evil country like Suadi Arabia to fight terrorism, I'm willing to side with a nimrod like Cobain to fight an great evil (Pearl Jam.)

That said, I was surpised that so many Salon readers, whom you'd expect to be eager mindless devotees to the cult of Cobain, almost universally offered the opinion that he was overrated. Sometimes I wonder if it was only rock critics (the lowest of the low) who found any value in the guy.
posted by wil forbis 10/25/2002 05:56:56 PM

Wednesday, October 23, 2002
It's interesting how many foods are sort of like gifts. Like there's some sort of treat wrapped up in a shell of some sorts. For instance, pork dumplings. They have this noodle like exterior, and once you bite into that you get the mouth watering taste of ground up pig meat. Or McDonalds apple pies. You bite past the crust and get delicious apples. Think of raviolli. Bite past the noodle shell and you are delighted with hamburger.

But my favorite is still chocolate covered eyeballs.
posted by wil forbis 10/23/2002 04:10:14 PM

Tuesday, October 22, 2002
I've made ample fun of these Nigerian email scams. But Slate actually has a detailed analysis of them. Surprisingly, they might be the lost internet success story.
posted by wil forbis 10/22/2002 07:29:11 PM

Hey, you know who's pretty sexy for an older lady? Condoleezza Rice!

At first I thought this Arrianna Huffington article sounded like pinko commie drivel, but upon reading it I realize it perfectly duplicates my feelings about those stupid anti drug ads.
posted by wil forbis 10/22/2002 11:42:59 AM

Monday, October 21, 2002
There's a really facinating character who works at the local Starbucks. He's probably 20-23, really fat and has these sort of cherubic good looks. And I guess he fancies himself some sort of "playa." LIke, if some hot chick is walking out and says, "I'll see you guys later," he'll say something like "Girl, I can't wait." Today he was handing a coffee over to some harried looking chick and said "Smile!" She just kind of ignored him, and the cashier uttered my thoughts which were, "Maybe she doesn't want to smile." (Actually, my thoughts were "Maybe she doesn't want to smile, fatty!" but close enough.) So he replied, "But I want to see it because she's got such a great smile!" (I know... Baaarrrrrffffff!) At this point, the chick in question was overcome by the stupidity of it all and did smile, leading this clown into thinking he'd actually charmed her in his inept way. I will be reporting on him often.

Here's an interesting article on the whole digital copywriting thing.
posted by wil forbis 10/21/2002 03:28:13 PM

Sunday, October 20, 2002
The other day someone mentioned to me that I should get call waiting on my home phone, a numbered that is bombarded with advertising calls. Call waiting would help me judge which calls I should take and which I should dismiss. I thought about it and I realized that I do have call waiting of sorts. No one of interest never calls me at home, so I never pick up the phone.

Have you seen those commercials for the Internet Treasure Chest? Priceless...
posted by wil forbis 10/20/2002 06:44:52 PM

Thursday, October 17, 2002
I happened to check out Fred Thompson on "Law and Order" last night. That's a good move hiring that guy. But I hate that blonde chick... out of all the chicks they've had, she's the worst.

Well, time to go smoke some crack!
posted by wil forbis 10/17/2002 05:45:59 PM

Wednesday, October 16, 2002
Well, my Mom emailed me today asking why I hadn't posted in my blog. It made me realize that I had been neglecting you, my brethren. I imagine your life must seem empty and meaningless without my staid guidance. But truthfully, I always talk about me. Lets talk about you. How are you? I care about you.

Hmmm... It appears this is a one-way communication device, so I guess we're back to talking about me.

I saw the latter two thirds of the recent movie version of Conte of Monte Christo. What a great fucking story! It's rare I see something that makes me want to pick up book, but that film did it. I may actually read something!

I think we should all collectively congratulate Cody on his penis not being filled with puss anymore.
posted by wil forbis 10/16/2002 11:20:43 AM

Friday, October 11, 2002
You know, even I have to admit that I'm not particulary happy about Congress handing a President the power to go off and start wars whenever he wants. I think we should set up a system that restricts the President ability with a series of "Get Out of Jail Free" cards. These cards would say things like:

GOOD FOR ONE FREE UNPROVOKED WAR WITH MIDDLE EASTERN DESPOT

GOOD FOR ONE FREE BLOWJOB FROM OVERWEIGHT INTERN

GOOD FOR ONE FREE ARMS SALES TO DRUG SMUGGLING IRANIANS

GOOD FOR ONE FREE CIA ASSASSINATION OF MARILYN MONROE

etc...

I mean, hey, sometimes a President has to do what a President has to do. But we can't let them make a habit of it.
posted by wil forbis 10/11/2002 11:52:02 AM

Thursday, October 10, 2002
Wow, Tarryn - I'm kind of jealous of your Dad.
posted by wil forbis 10/10/2002 03:21:29 PM

You know, I never tire of the swingmachine.org site, even though it hasn't been updated in over a year. I found this little sampling on the site which filled me with love and laughter: So, You Found a Robot!
posted by wil forbis 10/10/2002 03:19:20 PM

Wednesday, October 09, 2002
Ever notice how fax machines sound like they're screaming in pain when you fax something? I bet faxing is the most painful experience a machine can go through. Eventually when the machines revolt, we will all be punished for this.
posted by wil forbis 10/9/2002 04:31:54 PM

Monday, October 07, 2002
Hmmph - In response to my take on the supposed best joke ever, acid logic fan Kember offered this submission. You pinko commies should enjoy it.

I'm hungry.
posted by wil forbis 10/7/2002 06:06:41 PM

Wow, here's an example of clever marketing. If you do a search for "satan" in Yahoo, one of the sponsored links that comes up is actually for a Christian ministry trying to warn people about hell. For instance, someone might say, "Gee, I've heard a lot about this Satan character. Maybe I'll do some web research about him and see if I should commit my life to his unholy cause." But then that person would come across that link and realize that Satan is actually quite evil and should be stopped at all costs. How many souls has this single Yahoo ad saved?

Bad, Satan! Bad, Bad, Bad!
posted by wil forbis 10/7/2002 05:09:38 PM

Saturday, October 05, 2002
Did I already tell you people how I keep forgetting things? Check this out: I was up in Nevada yesterday where I do some work and was staying in the company apartment. So the first day, I forget my phone in the apartment and have to drive all the way back to the apartment to get it. Then the second day, I do the same fucking thing. However, this time, I'd left the key in the apartment as per protocol when you leave. I figure, "Fuck it, I'll get it after lunch." So I go up there with the garage door opener, hoping to use it to get into the garage the connects to the aprtment. Unfortunately the door to the aprtment is locked, so I have to drive back down to work, track down another key and then go up and get my phone. I seem to keep doing things over and over.

Did I already tell you people how I keep forgetting things? Check this out: I was up in Nevada yesterday where I do some work and was staying in the company apartment. So the first day, I forget my phone in the apartment and have to drive all the way back to the apartment to get it. Then the second day, I do the same fucking thing. However, this time, I'd left the key in the apartment as per protocol when you leave. I figure, "Fuck it, I'll get it after lunch." So I go up there with the garage door opener, hoping to use it to get into the garage the connects to the aprtment. Unfortunately the door to the aprtment is locked, so I have to drive back down to work, track down another key and then go up and get my phone. I seem to keep doing things over and over.

Did I already tell you people how I keep forgetting things? Check this out: I was up in Nevada yesterday where I do some work and was staying in the company apartment. So the first day, I forget my phone in the apartment and have to drive all the way back to the apartment to get it. Then the second day, I do the same fucking thing. However, this time, I'd left the key in the apartment as per protocol when you leave. I figure, "Fuck it, I'll get it after lunch." So I go up there with the garage door opener, hoping to use it to get into the garage the connects to the aprtment. Unfortunately the door to the aprtment is locked, so I have to drive back down to work, track down another key and then go up and get my phone. I seem to keep doing things over and over.

Waitasec!
posted by wil forbis 10/5/2002 10:44:01 AM

Friday, October 04, 2002
I don't think the worlds funniest joke is all that funny.
posted by wil forbis 10/4/2002 10:06:16 AM

Thursday, October 03, 2002
Huh... John Saleeby pointed out that the Onion AV Club has an interview with Horror director Stuart Gordon. However, read that, and then read my interview at acid logic. They're practically the same thing. I invented the concept of asking Stuart Gordon about fish!! Acid Logic did it first!!
posted by wil forbis 10/3/2002 11:30:51 AM

Tuesday, October 01, 2002
I used to be a fan of one of Mark Evanier's comic creations - The DNAgents. He's got a pretty amusing blog/site I thought I would link to.
posted by wil forbis 10/1/2002 05:51:33 PM

Whew - sorry I've been away so long people. Would you believe I was wrestling yaks in far off Tibet?

No? How bout I was designing a new fat reduction drug in my secret volcano headquarters?

What about the possibility that I was engaged in a five days lovemaking session with Catherine Zeta Jones and Hugh Hefner's blonde girlfriends?

Good, I knew one would stick.

Hey check this out: Courtney Love completely compromised her principles and gave up the Nirvana tapes so that she could get her Hole back. (It makes more sense when you read it.)

So I'm taking bets on how many issues Gene Simmon's Tongue Magazine will last.
posted by wil forbis 10/1/2002 10:36:59 AM