Probably the best part occurred after Mojo blew his nose. He kept doing that thing where people will cover one nostril and blow, thereby forcing a snotty mist out the other nostril. At one point a rather large piece of something blew out and he said, "That booger's so old it had a Beatles haircut!" And this chick behind me who had been repeating everything Mojo would say, yelled "Yeah... Beatles haircut, yeah!"
posted by wil forbis 9/29/2001 11:36:21 PM

Thursday, September 27, 2001
I have to agree with you on this one, Tarryn... Paul McCartney hasn't done anything worthwhile in over 20 years. It's amazing how something can have so much talent then have it fly out the window.
posted by wil forbis 9/27/2001 11:43:46 PM

Man, have you seen these new, incredibly sexist Rogain commercials? There's some dude hanging out and pontificating life and the "commercial voice" asks him if he really thinks his woman will hang around after he goes bald. It openly accuses women of being shallow, two-faced whores that will use a man and then dump him when he no longer suits their purposes.

Finally... truth in advertising.
posted by wil forbis 9/27/2001 11:32:49 PM

Wednesday, September 26, 2001
I love Smarties. Fuckin' love 'em.
posted by wil forbis 9/26/2001 09:30:29 PM

I'm been having this kind of back and forth email discussion with Saleeby about the hot water that Bill Maher of Politically Incorrect is in, and it kind of inspired me take down my general thoughts on the matter in blog form.

I've always been a big fan of Maher, but on the bare essentials of his controversial statement, I have to disagree. While certainly it's true that flying a plane full of people to their death is not a cowardly action, I don't think, as Maher said, "lobbing missiles from 200 miles away" is a cowardly action either. It's a smart action. When the U.S. revolutionaries fought the Revolutionary War they fought in a way distinctly different from the British - they hid behind rocks and trees as opposed the British who fought in a line formation style that resulted in their massacre. As a result, we won that war. And it's the same way we fought the Iraq war - smarter and more efficiently. (Yes, we had the advantage of a whole bunch of ass-kicking technology, but I put that in the same category as "smarter.") The British might've been "brave" to fight in their archaic fashion, but their fighting style made clear the thin line between bravery and stupidity.

Part of our problem is that we have belief system that eulogizes brave but stupid warriors who go around getting killed because they're not afraid of direct contact with the enemy. When Butch and Sundance dove out the door to face the guns of the Whole Bolivian Army, that was brave, yes, but it would have also been smarter to find the back door and ride off into the sunset.

I also disagree with the argument that the advertisers who removed their ads from Politically Incorrect are trying to censor the show. They’re voicing their opinion, as they have every right to. You can't call that censorship, in fact, if any legal maneuver was made to try and prevent that sort of boycott (denying those companies and their customers right to voice an opinion) - that would be censorship. If you don't like what someone is saying, you don't have to listen and you don't have to give them money... as Maher himself has said, "Turn it off."

So you can't accuse those companies who removed their advertising sponsorships of censorship. Can you accuse them of being pussies? Can you accuse them of being cocksucking wimps? Can you accuse them of being cowards? (Thus putting an ironic twist on the whole thing) Hell, yeah, you can. Because Politically Incorrect is one of the few shows out there balls to show any kind of real debate, and to really showcase a wide range of conflicting views. I can sleep through "Meet The Press" and I can nod off to "The Today Show." but I'm wide-awake whenever I watch P.I., if only because I'm yelling at the television set. I think even people foolish enough to dislike the show (cough...Saleeby, cough) will agree it's always engaging, if not enraging. What's the difference between P.I. and your average hairpiece and bowtie news show? The bullshit meter. On your standard news show, you'll get a variety of interchangeable talking heads from the right or left who come on, recite their mantra, perhaps get a little jibing from Sam or Cockie and then off they go, nary a scratch on their idealogy. But on P.I., if you spew bullshit, you'll get called on it - either from Bill or one of the guests. And to be honest, my fear here is that may stop. Maher's received his whuppings and may be too timid to call people on it anymore. As one of the guests said last night, "We've all got a little voice in our heads tonight that's saying 'shut up!' and I'm not used to that voice." And it would be a shame to see that voice take over that show.

posted by wil forbis 9/26/2001 02:46:29 PM

Monday, September 24, 2001
Boy, I had a weird David Lynch moment last night. I was walking down K street in Sac to go see “Apocalypse Now Redux” at the divine Crest Theatre. (Just so you know, Sacramento’s K street at night is a moody and evil place, best known as the area where a local jazz musician was killed several years ago.) As I'm walking, this strange wheelchaired individual rolls up to me and speaks in a high pitched, whiney voice. The person was young, a bit chubby, and black, but I couldn't tell what gender. He/she held up a stuffed devil doll and said, "Hey, my devil wants to ask you a question."

"This isn’t the first time that's ever happened" I reply with brilliantly timed, acerbic wit.

"My devil wants to ask you if you have any change," wheelchair freak says, in the same squeaky, almost mocking voice.

Now I’d actually just given a few bucks to a guy a few blocks back (Starting to get a feel for K street?) so I said, "Nope sorry, I just gave what I had to the last guy." Then I continued walking, my back turned to wheelchair freak.

"Are you sure you don't have any change" the ghostly voice asked.

Well, obviously, yes, I did have some money. So I tried to clarify the situation. "I believe what you want to ask me is whether I have any 'spare' change." I replied. "And, no, I don't."

"Yeah, stupid devil," wheelchair freak screeched, punching his/her toy. "That's what you should've asked!"

I kept walking, seconds away from the front of the Crest, and sanctuary.

"My devil says he likes your ass," the beast called out.

I quickly paid and rushed into the theatre.

It was weird experience, if only for the fact that I really don't have that great an ass.

"Apocalypse Now Redux" was pretty mesmerizing. And seemed timely as we lay on the verge of military action. Today, as I read through the New Yorker account of the WTC attack, I was reminded of Marlon Brando assertion that he could win Viet Nam with the right kind of men. Men who were moral, but had the "brilliance" to be able to mercilessly hack up children. Men like the Viet Cong, who had nothing less to lose...

posted by wil forbis 9/24/2001 11:22:21 PM

Sunday, September 23, 2001
There's an interesting unspoken question hanging in the air in regards to the WTC attack... How would Al Gore have handled it? After all, he would've been the one sitting there if not for the Supreme Court decision. The conventional wisdom is that Republicans are better in times of war, if only for the fact that they probably get more respect from the culture of the military. I have to admit, I can't really express a whole lot of confidence in Gore's ability here... if only for the fact that he seems like a progressive hippie at heart and that would've really put him at odds with the military leaders. Of course, Clinton had faced similar doubts which he handily dismissed by sending off a lob of missile strikes whenever Bin Laden or Hussein acted up before (or when he needed to divert attention from the Monica scandal.) Still, you could make the argument he didn't do enough - if Clinton had finished off Ossie after the embassy bombing we might not be facing what we're facing now.

It's a peculiar quandary... was the Bush Supreme Court election a blessing in disguise?
posted by wil forbis 9/23/2001 04:23:32 PM

Thursday, September 20, 2001
You know, I saw "The Others" several nights ago. What a great flick. And what really impressed me were these kid actors. These kids are the best young actors I've ever seen. They could make Haley Joe Osmet their bitch in two seconds!

But it's a really well crafted movie. There are some scarey films you see that scare you, but you feel kind of cheated, as if they tricked you into being scared. But "The Others" builds its scares and surprises very skillfully, so that it's a honor to be frightened by this film. (Speaking of that, ever see the Micheal J. Fox horror/comedy, "The Frighteners?" Not a bad flick and it kind of predates many of the concepts in "the Others" and "The Sixth Sense.")

It's funny in a way. I was looking for some sort of escape from all this death and destruction... and where do I find it? In a scarey ghost story. It makes sesnse in a way, since ghost stories are replete with the notion that there is life after death....
posted by wil forbis 9/20/2001 11:07:13 PM

Tuesday, September 18, 2001
Okay, so tell me this isn't crazy. I'm staying up at my friend's house in Nevada and I open his freezer. Inside I see these weird red packages. I flip them over to see what they say, and I see a lable that says "Ostrich Fillet."

I am not shitting you.
posted by wil forbis 9/18/2001 11:01:38 PM

Sunday, September 16, 2001
I came across some guy posting on a messageboard on the web stating that he felt the "majority of Americans" now hated all Arabs and wanted to smash their faces in. I wrote a surprisingly polite letter essentially telling him that he was full of horseshit. I don't know what Bizarro-World America he's living in, but I've been surprised to the degree that pseudo-patriotic race bashing has been kept to a minimum and is being actively decried by people on the street and the media.

In some strange twist of fate, the guy added me to a mass email list that he was sending out "alternative news bulletins" to. Several of these bulletins included more commentary from, guess who... Michael Moore. So here's a few more rebuttals to the new batch of Michael Moore statements (in quotes).

"I continue to be amazed at the large number of people -- both on the radio and those we run into -- who are completely opposed to some half-cocked military response to what has happened. No matter what the media tells you or shows you, I am convinced there is a majority of Americans who, though they want justice and want to be protected from further attacks, do not want George W. Bush to start sounding like Dr. Strangelove."

I'm not at all surprised... mainly because I don't have enough sanctimonious ego to think I'm vastly more intelligent than the rest of America. (Slightly more intelligent, yes, but only 'cause guys like Moore lower the curve.) Firebombing Afghanistan is obviously what a guy like Bin laden would want; it would easily polarize the Islamic world against us. That's not such a difficult concept to understand, Mike, so you can put away your snide commentary about how you're surprised the rest of America had managed to keep up with your intellectual fortitude.

"Is it becoming more clear now that the plane that went down in Pennsylvania was shot down to prevent it from attacking its destination?"

Well, no actually, it's becoming more clear the people on board took that plane. It is becoming quite clear that the U.S. was willing to shoot down civilian planes that were heading to populated areas and not responding to contact. Which is exactly what they should've been doing. If we'd managed to shoot down the planes that hit New York and the Pentagon we'd all be vastly better off.

To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if some element with the U.S Government did use theis tragedy to pursue their fucked up agenda. But I'm pretty sure that Michael Moore, who seems intent on grasping at every conspiracy theory he can, is not the one to be providing be us the information.

posted by wil forbis 9/16/2001 01:56:40 PM

Friday, September 14, 2001
Michael Moore (the “Roger and Me” guy and someone I generally respect) has made some comments about the World Trade Center attack I think deserve analysis and rebuttal (You can read his full text here under his 09.12.2001 entry)

His comments are in quotes.

“Am I being asked to believe that this guy who sleeps in a tent in a desert has been training pilots to fly our most modern, sophisticated jumbo jets with such pinpoint accuracy that they are able to hit these three targets without anyone wondering why these planes were so far off path? “

Where do you get this “sleeps in a tent” idea? Osama Bin Laden is an extremely rich guy, a guy who was born into wealth. He may not be living it up after having to flee into Afghanistan, but he’s hardly some bum on the street. Observe this quote from a Slate.com article published today (9/14/01) "Bin Laden's groups do get funds from his personal fortune, but they also finance operations by dunning wealthy Gulf Arabs and by siphoning off donations to Muslim charities. And the terror organization is cheap. They don't use heavy weapons, and it costs almost nothing to house and train hundreds of men in Afghanistan." This makes two points: One - Bin laden is rich. (e.g. He has a "personal fortune.") Two - It doesn't really cost that much to run a terrorist operation anyway. (I'm sure some people will recite the predictable mantra that Slate is a capalist running dog for the White House blah, blah, so I really only offer the above comments to those of you who aren't paranoid and insane. Also, you'll note that a few paragraphs down that Michael uses MSNBC to substanciate some of his claims, so I figure I'm comped.)

“Or am I being asked to believe that there were four religious/political fanatics who JUST HAPPENED to be skilled airline pilots who JUST HAPPENED to want to kill themselves today?”

Well, yeah, Michael, that’s pretty much it. The truth is, flying a plane isn’t that difficult. Landing a plane, getting a plane into the air, these are difficult tasks – but once you’re up there it ain’t that hard. A friend of mine is training to become a commercial pilot and he’s confirmed this to me several times. On top of that, when I was in a high school aeronautics class, I briefly flew a twin engine Cessna for about 15 minutes. My point is not that anyone can get into a plane and take it out for a spin, but if I can fly a small plane after absolutely no training, surely individuals who’ve be trained at a professional flight school could fly a larger plane.

As for the suicide factor – No, they didn’t JUST HAPPEN to want to die that day. It probably took years of indoctrination via their religion to make suicide worthwhile. The Japanese had no problem getting dozens of kamikaze pilots to die during WWII, why is it hard to believe other cultures could find similarly committed ideologues? Especially a religion that says that if you die a noble death you go to a magical heaven where you drink ambrosia and get tons-o-pussy. Hell, If I believed that I’d be flying planes into buildings myself.

“Maybe you can find one jumbo jet pilot willing to die for the cause--but FOUR? Ok, maybe you can--I don't know.”

You can’t, I can’t… but we’re not charismatic religious leaders. (Ironically, with the fanatics Michael attracts, he probably could get four jumbo jet pilots to die for him.)

“What I do know is that all day long I have heard everything about this bin Laden guy except this one fact--WE created the monster known as Osama bin Laden! Where did he go to terrorist school? At the CIA!”

Absolutely, very important point. But wait… one minute the guy is just some dude who sleeps in a tent who couldn’t train anyone to tie their shoes, now he’s a guy who’s been trained by the most sophisticated covert operations unit in the world. Which is it, Michael?

“Don't take my word for it--I saw a piece on MSNBC last year that laid it all out. When the Soviet Union occupied Afghanistan, the CIA trained him and his buddies in how to commits acts of terrorism against the Soviet forces. It worked! The Soviets turned and ran.”

Once again – great and very valuable point that should be kept in mind during all this. We have some responsibility here. However, again it completely destroys your original assertion. You’re saying that bin Laden could send the Soviet Army running (remember, they’re not exactly the Keystone Cops) but he couldn’t organize a terrorist scenario such as the World Trade Center attack? If you asked me what’s more difficult – kicking the world’s second most powerful army out of your country and flying planes into two incredible large and prominent targets – I’d have to go with the former.

posted by wil forbis 9/14/2001 11:57:22 AM

Thursday, September 13, 2001
Five reasons that the film Rock Star sucks:

1) It has one of those "What? That's it!?" endings.

2) It promotes the ridiculous idea that faggy, coffeehouse rock replete with whiney, Eddie Vedder vocals is somehow morally superior to blistering, ass-kicking heavy metal.

3) Why does only half the band have British accents?

4) Considering the story is loosely based on Judas Priest, it makes vague allusions that Rob Halford was kicked out because he was gay. If they can substantiate homosexuality as the reason for his dismissal - more power to them. If not, they should avoid peddling rumors.

5) Mark Wahlberg's descent into debauchery, frankly, isn't very debauched. I've attended high school keggers with more sin.

posted by wil forbis 9/13/2001 11:12:31 AM

Wednesday, September 12, 2001
At least one positive note about the whole bombing thing is that at least the perpetrator isn't one of these guys that will appeal to all those "I hate America" types that hang out on college campuses and arty cafes. After all, Bin Laden has some pretty right wing views. He thinks women shouldn't be allowed to drive. He thinks women should work in seperate areas from men. He thinks women shouldn't be educated.

It's a shame really... he's got all these great ideas but he's still a scumbag!
posted by wil forbis 9/12/2001 05:14:23 PM

Tuesday, September 11, 2001
Turns out Mike, the guy who sent me the original report on his view of the bombing, has discussed even more on his web journal. Very compelling reading here: http://www.mikedaisey.com/journal/index.shtml
posted by wil forbis 9/11/2001 06:33:24 PM

Ahh, Tony... ever the voice of reason.
posted by wil forbis 9/11/2001 05:27:26 PM

I received this from my old acquantence Mike Daisy, now living in New York:

"I am writing this from downtown New York. In a perverse reversal, I have no
way to contact anyone except through my high-speed wireless internet
connection--phones are out, and electricity in the area is intermittent."

"The media will ultimately tell the story better than I, but I can tell you
that there is massive loss of life. The sky is black with ash, the people
have been panicking and fleeing in unadulterated terror. I have never seen
anything like it. It is very difficult to breathe, even with your mouth
covered--the ash blows down the streets and burns your eyes. It feels like
the world has ended. When the screaming started and the crowds began to run
after the second plane struck it was a horror film running in overdrive,
jumping frames and cutting in and out. Time got lost--I don¹t know how long
this went on. I have a cut on my leg. I ended up in a Wendy¹s where a huge
number of us took refuge. I don¹t know where the workers were--I helped get
water for people."

"I am starting to see emergency workers, and the streets are clearing
somewhat--at least the first waves of panic are passing. I¹ve seen bodies
draped in white sheets--it took me a time to realize those were bodies, not
injured people; they must be out of room or not be able to get them to the
morgues or the hospitals."

"I¹m headed for the Brooklyn Bridge to walk out of the city. I¹m going to
stop at any hospital I find to give blood before leaving. If anyone reading
this can, please donate blood--I heard from a medic that the hospitals are
already running out."
posted by wil forbis 9/11/2001 01:37:47 PM

Monday, September 10, 2001
Whoa, sounds like you got a full on stalker there, Jesss. Leaving multiple messages on someone's answering machine is exactly the sort of thing I used to do when I was stalking my last girlfriend. Hmmm, speaking of her, I really should go down to the basement and give her her daily gruel.
posted by wil forbis 9/10/2001 05:02:01 PM

Sunday, September 09, 2001
Damn, you know who turned out to be a babe? Tina Yothers. That's right, Tina "Frodo" Yothers, the ugly sister from "Family Ties." People mag has an article on chicks from the eighties and they had a picture of Tina. She trimmed off some of the Christmas ham and has a kind of techno-goth look now.

Oh yeah, Justine Bateman is a born again Christian who makes hats.
posted by wil forbis 9/9/2001 10:44:59 PM

You know, since my last entry was so violent and hateful, I thought I'd make up for it with this charming poem I wrote.

Puppies are fuzzy

Kittens are too

If I could do anything

I would dance with the clown men from venus
posted by wil forbis 9/9/2001 10:37:30 PM

Friday, September 07, 2001
Christ, take a look at this load of crap from Anne Heche's new book:

"Human behavior is so intriguing. I find myself giving thumbs-up signs all the time. I know I look like an absolute dork, but I do it anyway. I want to get a trend going where we’re giving each other thumbs-up signs for just being alive and walking down the street. Sometimes life is so hard and we judge people rather than realizing that it’s an accomplishment to simply get up in the morning. So... thumbs-up! You’re awake."

Yeah, life must be really difficult when you have to pretend to be a lesbian to jumpstart your nowhere career then spazz out after taking all your Hollywood designer drugs. I'll tell you, nothing would please me more right than to bash Anne Heche's head in with a rock so that all that was left was a brain-filled pile of goo that I could feed to my Irish Setter. You know, I usually don't that upset with celebrities, but the gall of this chick just fucking amazes me. The next time she sees my thumb it'll be going straight into her eye!
posted by wil forbis 9/7/2001 03:54:34 PM

Thursday, September 06, 2001
Boy, looks like the summer of love is fading fast. Tarryn has split with Kristian, Jesss broke up with Ren, Tony called it off with that monkey he was seeing...

Let me tell you, I can relate. I just put a stop to the threesome I was having with the actresses Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson, stars of the new film, Ghost World. Frankly, their overwhelming demands for constant sexual pleasuring were getting on my nerves. I'm not a friggin' robot, you know?

So see, I'm just like everybody else, right? People like me, people are attracted to me. Right?

GOBDAMYOUSUNNSABITCHES!
posted by wil forbis 9/6/2001 08:05:13 PM

Wednesday, September 05, 2001
Accidently urinated on the cat today. Otherwise, not a bad day.
posted by wil forbis 9/5/2001 11:10:00 PM

Tuesday, September 04, 2001
Heh, Tarryn, your framed police report story reminds me of the time my friend Dan and I were kicked out of this hotel in Waikiki (Hawaii's tourist trap) for drinking beer in their staircase and throwing the cans at hookers. We had to sign a statement saying we would not return to that hotel for a year. I didn't frame it, but I pinned it up on my wall (frames are expensive.)
posted by wil forbis 9/4/2001 11:23:33 AM

Damn... just watched the Nicholas Cage film, "8mm". In many ways it suffers from the Hollywood schlockiness that all big films suffer from but in other ways... wow! Definately an underrated film. I think Cage may be the only actor today who can pull off that "Joe Everyman" personality that so many films of the past were based on. He's an extension of actors like Jimmy Stewart or Cary Grant. It's films like this this that make me decide not to kill him for travesties like "Captain Correlli's Mandolin."

Ultimately, 8mm is a refutation of everything I hold dear, primarily porn and evil. It's essentially a product of the same weird conglomeration of neo-feminists and religious traditionalists that brought about the Meese report. But it nonetheless offers a thought provoking and unnerving look at the dark side of humanity.
posted by wil forbis 9/4/2001 01:07:57 AM

Monday, September 03, 2001
As all you fools know, I rarely give shout-outs to other sites on the web as I'm afraid they may steal my thunder. However, I've recently become quite intrigued with the print zine, Bad Azz Mofo, which has a web site here. The web version hardly does the zine justice, but at least gives you a nice feel for what it's about - opinionated but knowledgable commentary on pop culture. (Their current issue is a giant tribute to blackxploitation.)
posted by wil forbis 9/3/2001 01:50:02 PM

Sunday, September 02, 2001
As I said I would, I will now fill you in on the third of my bum stories. I feel this may be the best of my retellings of bum interaction; a treatise that may come to be known as "Wil Forbis's Bum Trilogy." Mine is doubtless not the first bum trilogy, and shan't be the last, but I feel it may become the definitive work in the field. How many times have you heard a grizzled, southern laborer say something to the effect of, "No-one spins a good bum trilogy like Wil Forbis?" Well, now you will see why.

This one took place about ten years ago in a San Francisco Greyhound station. I was waiting there to catch a bus to the SF airport to get a plane to Hawaii. This younger looking homesless guy starts talking to me, but I managed to keep him at bay with my patented "smile and nod" technique. Eventually this guy tires of my unresponsiveness and asks the security guard where he can get some coffee. The security guy cuts a deal with the bum; he'll buy coffee for both of them if the bum goes across the street to get it. (This is at about 12 at night in the shittiest area of Frisco.) So that bum goes off, then a new bum comes up to me and notices that I'm wearing a pair of Converses. He then goes into a detailed history of the history of converse shoes thoughout the years, taking pains to mention that though the shoe changed greatly in design, the logo stayed pretty much the same. ("The heel used to be quite different, and I believe that in the fifties they switched to a different material, but that logo they used has pretty much stuck around.... blah. blah, etc...") As he's yammering, the first bum comes back with blood streaming down the front of his shirt. Turned out that he'd been mugged outside and the person you'd mugged him had slashed his throat - not enough to kill him, but enough to cause a giant, messy wound. The guy was clearly in shock and mumbling about trivial matters. The security guard called the cops, but no-one had arrived by the time I had to catch my bus.
posted by wil forbis 9/2/2001 10:42:09 PM