Sunday, October 28, 2001
What's interesting is that I'm posting this from easyEverything, which is some sort of European Internet cafe. However, I can't actually see my own blog, as I imagine that it blocks material it finds offensive. But who could find loveable old me offensive? I'm just a big fuzzball.

By the way, Tarryn, I noticed your blog was blocked from Cafe Digitali in Kennsington. I imagine that it's that sort of iconclastic status that makes the Yngview Malmsteen guy want to have kids with you.
posted by wil forbis 10/28/2001 04:54:01 AM

Well, now I'm in Glasgow, which doesn't seem much different from most metropolitan American cities. Except there are less bums, thanks to Europe's newfangled socialism. It's rather nice really, because if you do see a bum you can be quite convinced he's a complete and utter loser and not feel a trace of guilt when you point and laugh at him. If you get government handouts and still end up sleeping in a box outside the train station then you must really suck. In fact, in London, there was a story about these kids who lit a bum on fire. Note that they didn't pour gasoline on him, just lit his beard and he went up like a candle.


However, you know how in the US the homeless sell various magazines and get to keep the money? And you know how those magazines invariably are the worst forms of literature ever created and you end up feeling that someone should be paying you to read them? Well, in Scotland, they sell a really enjoyable magazine, whose name I've forgetten, but its got interesting music reviews and political stories.

Also, met up with our old acid logic friend Marceline Smith.Jolly good.
posted by wil forbis 10/28/2001 04:50:09 AM

Saturday, October 27, 2001
Here's a few good lines from the Scotish comedy club I went to last night.

* (This was delivered by an American comic who had a kind of David Koresh act going - a mad religious Jim Morrison type.): I know it's wrong to kill a man. And I know it's even more wrong to kill him, skin him and make love to his wife while wearing that skin. That's why I'd like to say, "Sorry, Mom."

* (You have to read this in the thick Scotish accent it was delivered in. It was a guy recounting the conversation he'd had with a prostitute.) "Don't spit it out! You're a professional!"

* Finally, I went home to catch the tail end of the Graham Norton show, which is like agay Jay Leno. He said "It's a shame about Catherine Zeta Jone's not winning her Oscar. Those were real tears running down her face. But at least that's a change from 90 year old sperm.

If that doesn't prove Europe's cultural superiority I don't know what does.
posted by wil forbis 10/27/2001 02:57:38 AM

Thursday, October 25, 2001
Here's a couple of the key differences I've noticed between the US and UK.

* They have these tiny little cars here, called Smarties or something. They look like a VW Rabbit chopped in half.

* Not only do they have pictures of naked chicks in the newspaper (an obvious improvement), they have a naked comic strip soap opera. It's like "Mary Worth" with exposed breasts (Of course no one would want to see Mary Worth's exposed breasts but you get the picture.) Right above "Hagar the Horrible" in The Sun.

* You know how we've got "Frosted Flakes" in America? Well, here they';ve got two frosted cereals - "Frosted Flakes" and "Frosties." Only, Tony the Tiger is on "Frosties." I imagine the Brits already had their own "Frosted Flakes," so when Kelloggs decided to market them here, they had to change the name.

Not getting it? Okay, imagine a "Frosted Flakes" box in your head, with Tony the Tiger on it. Now mentally change the name on the box to "Frosties." That's what the boxes here look like.

Still not with me? Well, luckily I took a picture of this anomoly that I can post when I get back.

* In the UK, people don't like it when you call them, "Bloody sods."

posted by wil forbis 10/25/2001 10:00:38 AM

Well, I've been in London the past few days and am fairly settled in. I'm in the area called Kennsington, I believe. The most notable thing I've seen here is the Bram Stoker Bar, which is sort of a goth bar and restaurant. It looks intriguing and I may check it out tonight. I'll be interested whether they have any "batburgers."

Yesterday, I met up with Tarryn and we traveled about seeing various sites. I'm sure you're all dying to know what Tarryn is like. Well, she's an absolutely delightful and ravishing creature full of good London cheer. Her keen eye managed to steer us towards the best England has to offer and away from the manky sootiness of...

Oh dear, I suppose I've given myself away now haven't I? Wil would never say "manky." This is actually Tarryn; I broke into Wil's blog to boost myself in the eyes of the acid logic readership. But Wil and I did meet up. What can I say about him? Why, his never ending wit is vastly underappreciated and his appearence can only be described as GoergeCloony-esque. I imagine most American girls would fancy him for a shag or two.

Hah - suckers! That wasn't Tarryn at all, it was me, Wil, pretending to be Tarryn. And you fell for it hook line and sinker you stupid fucks! Well, guess I'll go smoke some crack.

Oops - I've given myself away again. Actually, it's me, Pete Moss, pretending to be Wil and all those other people. Last I heard Wil had been arrested in some Opium den in the arms of a transvestite.
posted by wil forbis 10/25/2001 03:03:46 AM

Monday, October 22, 2001
I think if I ever became insanely rich, the first indulgence I would provide myself would be to buy a pet spider monkey. Hell, 20 pet spider monkeys. I just love those little guys. My friend Brady and I once devised a perfect revenge upon an enemy in which we would fill their apartment with spider monkeys. Then they'd come home and there would be a whole bunch of spider monkeys jumping around, screeching and throwing their poo at you.

So I'm in a little computer station at the Seattle airport, waiting for my flight to London. Just wanted to share my monkey thoughts with you.
posted by wil forbis 10/22/2001 12:43:27 PM

Sunday, October 21, 2001
Well, I'm up in Seattle now. I was at a wedding last night for an old friend of mine - quite a blast. I actually bought a suit for the occasion, and I have to say - I'm one handsome motherfucker in a suit. I think I'll start wearing suits more often, get a Pulp Fiction thing going. Originally my plan was to do the wedding, then send the suit jacket back to my home address before heading out to London, but now I think I'll take it a long. People respect you with a suit; they know I'm not to be fucked with. So if you happen to be in London and see and happening guy looking great in a suit, it's probably me. You should give me money or something.
posted by wil forbis 10/21/2001 10:13:06 AM

Thursday, October 18, 2001
So I came across an exciting new blog, Rancor and Disdain by Cody Wayne and even went to so far as link it up into the secret inner circle of acid logic blogs. And yet, what's Cody's newest post but some sort of Insane Clown Posse gangsta rap about 12 inch dicks, niggas rolling thick and using women as semen depositories. (Hey, that's "Mrs. Semen Depository" to you.) Well, if gangsta rap's not your thing you might enjoy his ruminations on bin Laden, LA art shows, sex with animals and "thinking your dick down."

Hey Jesss, you stole the idea for my next "Anthrax looks like Cocaine" joke. No big deal, Anthrax is sooo ysterday.
posted by wil forbis 10/18/2001 10:22:00 AM

Tuesday, October 16, 2001
Boy, I'm just killing with these Anthrax jokes. Hey, there's another one!
posted by wil forbis 10/16/2001 02:54:34 PM

CBS isn't having much luck with their new show, "The Agency." First they had to delay the start of the show because it was too close to the subject of terrorism. Now they have to delay their "anthrax episode".

But waitasec - it's almost as if CBS knows that these things are going to happen before they happen. And did'ja notice that they're the one Big 3 Network that hasn't recieved Anthrax spores? Hmmm....
posted by wil forbis 10/16/2001 02:39:38 PM

Heh, Jammin' John Saleeby forwarded me a recent quote from Anthrax guitar player Scott Ian, discussing the current dilemma over their name. Scott says, "I feel like it's 1937 and I'm a bandleader named Freddie Hitler."

I think the first time I was ever exposed to Anthrax was when I saw their video for Joe Jackson's "Time" song. It was followed immediately with coughing and flu-like symptoms.
posted by wil forbis 10/16/2001 10:23:08 AM

Monday, October 15, 2001
I was thinking today that this must be a really bad time to be in Anthrax, the band. Who wants to go see them? It'd just dredge up all this negativity. I bet they're wishing that they had picked another name, lo those many years ago. Maybe "Malaria", or "Hodgkin's Disease."

Remember the "Married, With Children" episode that had Anthrax on it? Those were simpler times...
posted by wil forbis 10/15/2001 08:30:52 PM

Saturday, October 13, 2001
I arrived at Starbucks this morning for my usual pick-up-me. The nice young man at the counter handed over a tall coffee and I took a sip. "This tastes a little funny," I said. Then it dawned on me. "Ahhh, anthrax," I exclaimed while throwing the searing hot coffee in his face. "You're trying to poison me!"

"It's not anthrax!" the irritated Starbucks manager informed while bandaging his employee's head. "It our new Bitternut blend. I'll let headquarters know that you don't like it."

"Actually, it's not so bad," I replied. "Just takes a little getting used to."

So, as you recall in my last episode, I had made up my mind to actually visit San Francisco despite the dirge of terrorist threats. Well, I actually ended up settling for Berkeley as I didn't get done with what I needed to do in Oakland til 10 at night. Of course, I figured Berkeley was probably the safest place in American right now - OSammy must know that gassing this place would wipe out about 90% of the Americans who support him. However, what I realized while walking up Telegraph Ave in the heart of hippy country, is that Berkeley has really turned into yet another jock college town. Sure, the bums, rastafarians and other eccentrics still exist there, but they're easily outweighed by the pseudo-rebellious, Rage Against the Machine University crowd, whom will all be wearing suits to their accounting gigs in about 6 years.

Anyway, there was one bar I'd been meaning to check out and I walked in close to the starting of the band, !Tang. Walking unknowingly to see a band you've never heard of is always a longshot, but I was pleasently surprised with these guys. They were a multi-piece funky horn band with personality and quite good. By signing their mailing list I managed to get a six song sample cd. Of course, signing the mailing list of a Berkeley funk band probably insures that the FBI will be investigating me in 6 months for being a Taliban sympathizer, but we'll all probably be dead from Anthrax by then.

Or Bitternut coffee.



posted by wil forbis 10/13/2001 08:30:37 PM

Friday, October 12, 2001
I was sort of debating with myself earlier, whether I should go into San Francisco tonight. I was thinking about shooting in for some martinis and a trip to that porn theater owned by the guys in "Rated X." But then I thought, "I dunno... there's supposed to be all these terrorist threats. Do I really want to be in a sin filled city like San Fransisco? A place probably considered to be the height of American decadence in the minds of these taliban fruitballs?" But then I realized that not going would be playing right into their hands. If I let fear stop me, I'm letting them win. It was then I knew, I had to go! Why? (Music builds to thunderous climax) BECAUSE I'M AN AMERICAN! I'M GETTING DRUNK AND LOOKING AT NAKED WOMEN BECAUSE I'M AN AMERICAN!

In fact, I think I'll really sock it to OSammy and buy some coke and a hooker.

(Special Note To My Mother) Uh... so you know that's a joke, right, mom?
posted by wil forbis 10/12/2001 05:06:14 PM

Thursday, October 11, 2001
But, Jesss, I go back to my original statement here: We are not bombing the fuck out of Afghanistan. (Not yet anyway.) It may sound facetious, but I mean it. We bombed the fuck out of Viet Nam with Napalm. We bombed the fuck out of Germany when we (and the British) flew incendiarary bombing raids over Dresden. Those were all bombing missions where the goal was to eliminate every possible instance of life in that area. I don't see that happening here, and truthfully it's be a long while before we'll even be at it long enough for it to count as "bombing the fuck out of something." (You can't just bomb the fuck out of something overnight. It takes time, like all worthwhile things.) I admit, George Bush no longer confers with me before he begins his tactical operations, but I would surmise this is what's happening: The military knows that the only way to effectively get OSammy and the boys is by using land troops. However, they certainly aren't going to just land there without first doing what they can to shut down enemy comunication and disable their air force and hi tech weaponry. Does that mean innocent people get killed? Yes. Does that suck? Yes, but that's why it's war. The alternative would be landing American troops in the territory of an enemy who still has effective communication and an airforce. And I don't think anyone can accuse us of specifically going after civilian targets which is exactly what OSammy did. (Note that I playfully refer to him as OSammy, thereby denying him his dignity. You can't say I'm not doing my part for the war effort.)

Though I normally find the online magazine Scroom rather annoying, there a pretty good piece here from the point of view of someone who's a peacenik, who's also aware of the obvious truth. WTC is by no means they only attack they've got planned. Do we simply wait for for enough Americans to do before taking action? How much is enough?

Thusly, Jesss, I don't think this is simply a contest over "who's got the bigger dick." Which would be foolish anyway, since we all know I've got the biggest dick of all.
posted by wil forbis 10/11/2001 10:44:40 AM

Wednesday, October 10, 2001
I gotta say, Pete Moss does more posting now that he's sending me his posts by mail than he did when he was using a computer.

I gotta say that, I really do. I realize that it may shock and offend you, but it just has to come out. If fact, I'm going to say it a bunch more times. Pete Moss does more posting now that he's sending me his posts by mail than he did when he was using a computer. Pete Moss does more posting now that he's sending me his posts by mail than he did when he was using a computer. Pete Moss does more posting now that he's sending me his posts by mail than he did when he was using a computer. Pete Moss does more posting now that he's sending me his posts by mail than he did when he was using a computer. Pete Moss does more posting now that he's sending me his posts by mail than he did when he was using a computer.

Saw "Training Day" down in Oakland last night. Intriguing. I was never that interested in Denzel and always thought Ethan Hawke was a fag, but both of them really shine in this film. Acting has always seemed a dubious skill to me, but there are definitely some moments with Denzel's where you say, "Damn, this guy's good." (Further notes on my revelations about acting will be found in my interview with cult movie actress, Honey Lauren, in next the next issue of acid logic.) He's got that whole "guy you love to hate" persona down. And Ethan Hawke ain't bad either. I don't give two grains of piss about the Shakespeare roles he's done, but he does a good job as the family man protagonist.

posted by wil forbis 10/10/2001 11:16:11 PM

Tuesday, October 09, 2001
I'm heading off to Europe in a few weeks and have been looking at online maps of London to see what would be cool to see. I find myself mainly drawn to places I used to see referenced in the old Master Of Kung Fu comic which was set in London. It was an extension of the Fu-Manchu stories and I find that most of my knowledge of London is based on those comics. I'd definately like to see the Albert Museum as that's where the Master of Kung Fu fought members of the Leopard Cult. And I remember a scene in Hyde Park where a friend of the Master of Kung Fu crashed his car. These are all important landmarks.
posted by wil forbis 10/9/2001 04:30:23 PM

Monday, October 08, 2001
Dammit, Tarryn, the emu kicks a penguin's ass any day when it comes to being a funny animal!

So I went belaying yesterday. That's that new sport where you go into some big warehouse designed to looking like a rocky landscape and actually climb up a wall while attached to a rope so you don't accidently fall to your death. And it was pretty damn fun! They've also got these much shorter walls you can climb, but they have much more difficult handholds - my fingers are still aching from that one. I could barely touch myself last night.

I finished off the day by excercising on one of those weird ski-walker machines while reading an atrocious Talk magazine article about Helen Hunt. What a fucking awful magazine! It's like the trendy kids in high school gossiping about one another except now they're all forty. I had immense respect for what Tina Brown did with the New Yorker, but after this I can only hope she's killed in a horrible belaying accident.

posted by wil forbis 10/8/2001 12:25:07 PM

Sunday, October 07, 2001
I had a strange dream last night that Taliban soldiers released some sort of bio-chemical in Sacramento (I think we can all agree that Sacramento would be a key target if such an attack were to occurr.) and then actually began invading the place. (Why you would physically attack a place you just irradiated with biological weapons is beyond me.) I seem to recall that I was watching the news while these screaming men wearing robes and firing AK-47s were running down K street. And I was anxiously looking for the first signs of the bioweapon's symptons to appear on my body.

Jesss, you certainly have my sympathy about being unable to find a friendly male who's not simply trying to get in your pants. Good thing our relationship has always been on the up and up. Say, is it getting hot in here? You don't mind if take my shirt off do you? By the way, I think I've got something that'll really help with your wrist problems. I just need to rub this scented oil all over your body...

Seriously, it works wonders.


posted by wil forbis 10/7/2001 12:40:22 PM

Friday, October 05, 2001
It's hard to believe, but Bob Saget's new show is even worse than Full House. At least that had the Olson twins, whom you could make crude child molestation jokes about.
posted by wil forbis 10/5/2001 09:52:33 PM

Seems like everyone is in an uproar over my admission to listening to Elton John. Since when did Elton’s delightful blend of saucy piano pop go out of style? Why, his melancholy melodicism combined with Bernie Taupin's wistful lyrics have made many a blue day seem tolerable. What are you queers listening to? Ambient? Techno-rap? You all suck!

You know, old George Bush is turning out to be an okay guy. When all this started I said, "I hope he avoids massive bombings of innocent people. (Unlike Clinton.)" and he did. Then I thought, "I hope he makes clear these terrorist acts are not the actions of the entirity of the Muslim world." and he did. And recently I thought, "It might actually help things if we provided some sort of aid to these Afghani refugees" and that's exactly what he just did.

Hmmm, what'd really be great is if George offered me the sexual favors of his twin daughters and gave me some sort of cushy ambassadorship while making acid logic the official web site of the United States War on terrorism.

Come on George, don't cop out now!

posted by wil forbis 10/5/2001 11:22:24 AM

Wednesday, October 03, 2001
I'm listening to this new Elton John single on MP3.com. It's not bad. I guess the major labels have really figured out to work this whole MP3.com to their advantage. They put out the hit single on MP3 and that wets people’s interest so they go out and buy the album.

But I'm not in some sort of anarchist frenzy about the whole thing. I mean obviously the masses eat that stuff up since all the hit songs on MP3.com are these big artists. If people really wanted to support those loser independent artists they wouldn't give Willa Ford the number three position on the Pop-Rock chart.

I dunno what to think of music these days... on one hand, it all seems so unoriginal at this point. But the only really original music, like techno or ambient stuff or whatever it is, bores the fuck out of me. I guess I'd rather hear some archetypical, unoriginal Elton John song than this painful experimental rap or whatever's so hip these days.

On the other hand, I was listening to some Brian Eno the other day and he's supposed to be the father or ambient music. So I guess I'm kind of hip. But he doesn't sound like a pretentious fag, and at least made an effort to write songs. It seems like the new ambient stuff is just endless loops of "floaty" sounds. It's like an endurance test to prove how profound you are when you listen to that stuff.

Except for that Orb song that was used in the VW commercials. That was pretty good. Is that considered ambient?

By the way folks, if you haven't noticed Pete Moss has done several blogs lately. Let his wisdom provide a light in these dark times.

Holy satanfuckers - this has got to be some of the worst music I've heard! I love how her lyrics sound vaguely meaningful until you actually think about them and realize they make no sense at all.

posted by wil forbis 10/3/2001 11:40:17 PM

Tuesday, October 02, 2001
So I was talking to my Mom last night and she was relaying how she felt someone should "wash Tarryn's mouth out with soap" in regards to all the filthy language she uses. (Truthfully Tarryn, you're not all that filthy and I liked your "green ejaculate" line.) Then today my brother left a message on my machine saying that a friend of his has stated that some of acid logic was "interesting" and some of it was "appalling."

Obviously, we're doing something right here people!

BTW, October had a record amount of visitors mostly due to the fact that the Ice Cube Guide To Network Engineering was linked off a site called ILovebacon, which has an amazing popularity. Next time you eat some bacon, think of them.
posted by wil forbis 10/2/2001 11:11:13 PM