Yeah, you've been there.... I can tell.
posted by wil forbis 8/31/2002 03:12:56 PM

Thursday, August 29, 2002
Weird... none of the other acid logic bloggers have blogged since Tuesday. I guess there's only one explanation - Some sort of terrorist madman has released a radiation bomb that prevents acid logic bloggers from blogging. Yet, I seem strangely immune. Hmmmm.....

I think I'll buy some new clothes today. Where should I go?
posted by wil forbis 8/29/2002 10:41:13 AM

Hooray! My landlord says he's going to have someone clean my carpets soon. That means it's all right to pee on them!
posted by wil forbis 8/29/2002 12:07:46 AM

Wednesday, August 28, 2002
So I'd never seen this American Idol show everyone raving about, right? And I understand that they're down to like, the last two people. Well today, I'm at the gym and I walk over to a TV, and lo and behold there's some chick doing a cover of the song "Black Velvet." It's this vaguely punk chick on AI that I've seen on various magazine covers, and I watch her do this song and I'm thinking.... "This is fucking awful!" I mean she was noticeably out of tune more than once and couldn't stay in tune with these prerecorded background vocals she had going. Has years of punk rock made America tone deaf? I'm thinking, "If this bitch is one of the top two, what did the people who got kicked off the show sound like?"

Gawd Damn!!! They oughta let me on the show. I'ma set them straight with my cover of The Donnas "Forty Boys in Forty Nights!"
posted by wil forbis 8/28/2002 11:19:29 PM

Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Whoa, check out a line from this recent Yahoo story on Bin Laden. "He is the master of disguise and he is making sure that he is not giving anything away so he travels in a small group."

This confirms my suspicions. OSAMA BIN LADEN IS REALLY DANA CARVEY!!!!
posted by wil forbis 8/27/2002 03:47:40 PM

Monday, August 26, 2002
Man, I gotta tell you guys about this great Italian dinner I had last night. First off, I was the gym that afternoon and started getting kind of hungry. It seemed early to be hungry, so I was thinking about just buying a Power bar to hold me off til dinner. Then I discovered I was low on change. So then I thought I might go by the convenience store on the way back and get a cheapo Snickers or something. But as I was walking back, I figured, "You know, I should take advatage of this hunger and have really good meal." So I went home, showered, let the hunger build a bit more and then went out to this Italian place near my house. I ordered a glass of wine and Chicken Alfredo. But first they showed up with the bread, accompanied with a vinegar/oil dipping combination. Right of the bat ot was good shit, I mean, I was loving that bread! So I'm there, digging the bread, the wine, and a New Yorker article about James Brown and they show up with the Alfredo. Before I take a bite, the guy comes over and puts some freshly grated Parisan cheese on the motherfucker! Then I took that first bite.... ohhhhhhhhh mannnnnnnnn.... It was heaven. Maybe 5 times in my life have I had food taste so good. The phrase "better than sex" is overused, but I believe it applies here. Certainly better than most sex. I'm mean, definately better than the sex you might get from some midget hooker who selling her wares "half off" in some cheap brothel in Nevada.

Yeah, that was a great Alfredo. The place is called "Michaelangelo's," if you ever happen to find yourself in Sacramento. Just walk in and say "I'll have the Chicken Alfredo that's better than sex with a midget hooker." They'll set you up, fool!
posted by wil forbis 8/26/2002 05:13:38 PM

Sunday, August 25, 2002
You want me to tell you why last night sucked?

Well, dig this. I've been slowly working my way towards recording a collection songs on my computer. Now, this is slow going because I'm a busy man. On top of my work with orphans and my cross-continent affair with Nicole Kidman, I've got my regular job and running acid logic. So it's tough finding time for music - mostly a weekend gig. Last night I spent and hour and a half recording vocals for a little ditty I'm calling "Fuck You, God." Because I was recording with a microphone I had to switch the speakers with a headphone set (so the music being played back didn't show up on the track.) Well, I pulled out the connector for the speaker wire, only to discover that it was wrapped around the power cord for the computer. So I unplugged the computer, thereby losing all that I had recorded in that past hour.

I know, I know, "Save your work often." Blow me.

Anyway, that caused me erupt into a fury and smashing and destroying including me attacking an old cassette player with this samurai sword I got as a Christmas present last year. (Why did I blame it for my misfortune? It was nearby and expendable.) Then I calmed down and figured I'd go out and see some music. I went out to a bar and caught part of a band called Monkey Shines. They were kind of a power rock/horn combo with some of the most ludicrous lyrics ever. It was an endless string of cliches. Check out their verse from a little number they called "The Way it Used to Be."

Back in my high school

Breakin' all the rules

When I could act the fool

Something, something (rhymes with "drool")

However, much as I mock the lyrics, it wasn't that bad a pop song.

So then I came in and watched my newly rented copy of Wes Craven's "Last House on the Left." Dear God, what an atrocity! It's about these two chicks who go to the city to see a concert and get kidnapped by a family of sickos who rape and kill them. Now look, I like movies about chicks getting raped and killed as much as the next guy, but this was plain wrong! For one thing, the score was made up of these sorts of sixties retro folk music songs - sort of Arlo Guthrieish - but about this heinous story. The main song was called, "The Road to Nowhere" and they played it whenever the characters were particulary fucked. But the scene that sticks in my mind is late in the film when they start playing one of these songs along the lines of "Just when you feel the worlds against you, and you are all alone..." but it's after this chick has just been raped and had a guy carve his initials in her chest. (Plus she's about to be shot.) Sick!

It really made me think - I think there's this general argument that society is getting worse, but there's no way you could make a film like "Last House on the Left" today. Hell, I imagine that Wes Craven is doing what he can to supress every instance of this video.

Just so you know, all the killers are killed by one of the girl's parents. Also the film had Martin Kove from TV's "Cagney and Lacey" as one of the goofball cops.

If you really want the cream of rapist/revenge movies you can't beat, "I Spit on Your Grave." It's a sort of proto-feminist horror film gone horrible wrong.

My take is this: when people were finally allowed to make sexual and excessively violent films (the golden age) there really wasn't that clear distinction between R rated films and XXX (or NR).
Nowadays a horror film will get pretty freaky - but there's a line. And there's always some sort of vaguely implied morality. But in the early seventies, people were swimming blind. Film makers had all these new "freedoms" but were unclear what to do with it. the were unsure what the public would tolerate, so the made films like LHOTL and "I Spit on Your Grave"to test the waters. Plus, the seventies were basically an immoral time anyway. Thank God Ronald Reagan and Jerry Fallwell rescued us from that debauchery*.

*You know, I say that in jest, but a legitimate case could be made...

Ahh fuck... I'm babbling.
posted by wil forbis 8/25/2002 12:30:15 PM

Friday, August 23, 2002
A couple years ago, I really got into Pat Boone's album of heavy metal covers. I appreciated it as a joke, but it was also cool to see the reworking he did of various songs like Van Halen's "Panama" or Metallica's "Enter Sandman." The Onion has a pretty good interview with Pat about the album.

What I think is always missed in discussions of the album is this: Various rock groups are generally treated as rebellious when they're really worthless pussies who should have hot branding irons applied to their genetalia while their families are killed in front of them. Groups like Rancid, Rahge Against the Machine, Slaeter Kinney. I'm sure you agree with me and I'm sure Pat agrees with me. Because there's ultimately nothing rebellious about these groups. It's easy to wear a nosering and spout vacous "shocking" lyrics when everyone you hang out with looks and thinks the same way. But Pat's metal album put him in direct conflict with people he knew and encountered every day. He wasn't upsetting an amorphous "them" that existing outside his realm, he was upsetting "us" - the people who he knew, trusted, respected. He lost his show on Trinity. He paid his dues, man... and showed a lot more courage that most bullshit punk or nu-metal artists.

Smell that? That's the Foo Fighters testicles roasting on my marshmellow stick!
posted by wil forbis 8/23/2002 06:05:55 PM

Thursday, August 22, 2002
What are you talking about Tarryn? That is my only criteria!
posted by wil forbis 8/22/2002 02:54:12 PM

Tuesday, August 20, 2002
Just heard that the singer from Drowning Pool died. That causes so many feelings to rush past me. Sadness. Fear. A sense of mortality.

And then a feeling of "Who the fuck is Drowning Pool?"

Hey, I've got a new column at diskant.
posted by wil forbis 8/20/2002 08:00:39 PM

Monday, August 19, 2002
It's been a pretty crappy day. I called Home Depot to see if they had any window screens. (I broke mine yesterday while burglarizing my apartment because I'd locked my keys inside. All part of why yesterday was also a crappy day.) They assured me that they did. Upon going down there I discovered that they had the kind you had to assemble yourself. However, a kindly Home Depot employee informed that there was a store down the way that sold pre-made window screens. However, once I got there I saw it was closed. At which point I drove off to do my next assigned task: Get the car washed. But I arrived at the car wash five minutes after closing. All in all I wasted a couple hours and accompished nothing.
posted by wil forbis 8/19/2002 12:00:53 AM

Friday, August 16, 2002
Awww... Pete Moss is in love....
posted by wil forbis 8/16/2002 12:25:44 PM

Man... I am one jive ass turkey. Blogger's been doing this thing for a while where it says it's having trouble loading a template or some shit... so I post and publish about ten times in a row and manage to get it to work. And I've been doing that for a month now, always meaning to bitch at their obviously overworked tech support about it. But then it occurred to me to switch out my template, then load in the old one and that worked. Think of all the time I wasted pressing buttons. Time that could've been spent passing my knowledge onto future generations, observing great art, making love to beautiful women... lost forever...

I've noticed Blogger screwing up all over the place lately. Notice how it gives these error messages like "I'm broken but Blogger Pro (The version you pay for) is working." It's the old bait and switch. They get us hooked on the free Blogger, then that mysteriously starts breaking and we have to pony up cash to blog. Obviously Blogger is actually being run by George Bush and the World Bank.

I'm listening to Incubus right now. I saw these guys back in 97 or so in a small club. I liked their live show enough to pick up the cd. It's easy to lump them in with Korn and POD and all those fags, but they really are their own beast. I hear traces of Bungle in 'em.... for that matter, there's even a heavy Santana influence.
posted by wil forbis 8/16/2002 12:22:40 PM

Thursday, August 15, 2002
I tell ya people... today I had 64 new messages in my inbox, and every single one was some kind of ad. I had people giving me free porn, penis extensions, breast augmentations, stock picks, web site design, trips to the Bahamas... but not a single person writing to say, "Wil, I care about you as a person."

Where's some love for a niggah?
posted by wil forbis 8/15/2002 04:57:37 PM

Wednesday, August 14, 2002
I have to confess, I took great interest when Tarryn posted a link to this site, about the clitoris. I was surfing through its section on cunnilingus and came across this great quote. "A woman must guide her lover in the same manner as she would guide a blind person driving a car down a busy city street, with a lot of detailed and accurate instruction." I finally understand why, when performing this act on women, they often make comments like, "Left, left, okay straight.... keep going, okay stop, now right, right.... watch out for that telephone pole!"

posted by wil forbis 8/14/2002 09:24:42 AM

Tuesday, August 13, 2002
Is anyone else getting this Blogger error message when they post - "Error 503: Unable to load template file. We're working on this. Please try back later.[more info]"? (The "more info" link is most unhelpful.)

While I agree with the sentiment of this Salon article about media titans not "getting" the web, it also seemed like a 10 minute instance of Salon editors fellating themselves.
posted by wil forbis 8/13/2002 04:54:19 PM

Finally got Pete Moss's blog back on line. Tons of new stuff for the young and restless.

This is weird. In the space of a couple months, two sets of people I know have appeared on David Letterman. My friends in the alt-rock group Trail of Dead were on a while back, and now I find out that my old Seattle aquaintance, Mike Daisey, did an appearence. You can download the show by going here and clicking the "video" link.
posted by wil forbis 8/13/2002 01:39:09 PM

Sunday, August 11, 2002
Sorry, that I've been less than prolific this last week. I'm down in LA and mired in work. But perhaps I can pass on a few movie recomendations.

SIGNS - Incredibly implausible, but some genuinely spooky moments.

GOLDMEMBER - Very plausible with some shagedelic moments. Standout performance by Michael Caine.

THE KID STAYS IN THE PICTURE - This is definately something I would never be able to find in Sacramento. A documentary of movie producer, Robert Evans. A 30 year study of bad haircuts and plaid leisure suits.

posted by wil forbis 8/11/2002 12:46:53 PM

Thursday, August 08, 2002
You know, buttons are a surprisingly backwards way to afix clothing to your person. Especially those shirt buttons in the wrist area. You can only use one hand to get them to work and let me tell you: buttoning buttons is not a one hand operation. We're talking two, maybe three hands, possibly a mouth. We claim to have advanced so far as a species, yet we haven't evolved past buttons. Until we do we are no better than the common ape.
posted by wil forbis 8/8/2002 10:33:46 AM

Saturday, August 03, 2002
I'm kind of bored, so I'm surfing through mp3.com, looking for new music. I've been listening to a couple of pop punk bands and I gotta say... what's fucking wrong with you people? How can an entire genre develop around sounding as unoriginal as possible? Every one of these bands sound exactly like NOFX (who are a great band) and a few other bands from the early nineties. But it seems like today's kids have converted that to a formula and now spit out picture perfect duplicates of that sound. Again, I ask, what in Holy God is wrong with you fucking idiots? Why has creating cookie cutter songs become the epoch of songwriting for you clowns? And this music claims to be punk, a genre that at least purported to inspire individuality. This is awful, awful music and all of you should be killed. Please kill yourself now. Please, I'm begging you.

Have you killed yourself yet?
posted by wil forbis 8/3/2002 10:23:32 PM

You know, sometimes I'll pass a group of kids in their early twenties and they'll be talking about something I happen to have an interest in, and I'll think of jumping into their conversation but I figure "why bother?" They're just not going to even try and relate, they'll just think I'm some square who's out of their age group. They instinctively make up their minds about me without giving me a chance. And I think about how it would be so nice to run them over with one of those giant lawnmowers farmers use to trim wheat fields. To see their screaming faces as they are first grabbed by the vehicles shears, and then to look back at their gorey severed bodies after the device has run them over.

But then there'll be times that some forty year old guy with try and have conversation with me and I realize I'm doing the same thing. I'm putting him down before he's had a chance.

I guess if I judged myself by the same standards I hold everyone else to, I'd be in a lot of trouble.
posted by wil forbis 8/3/2002 04:54:09 PM

Friday, August 02, 2002
God-Damn I'm getting tired off people dissin' Starbucks. It's always the same whining about how Starbucks is putting Mom and Pop outta business. Look, if Mom and Pop's coffee didn't taste like dirty bathwater and have all the wake up power of a French Film festival, maybe I'd drink it. But, unfortunately, every single Mom and Pop store I've ever bought coffee at was serving absolute garbage. On the other hand Starbucks has coffee that would be made illegal during the prohibition. It is, hands down, the shiznit! If you think I drink it because I'm trying to "fit in with the hip crowd" you are undeniably the worst form of baby-molester on the planet. You can keep drinking your brown sleepy juice of you want, but it's only because you're too much of a pussy to handle the real thing. If you ever tried drinking Starbucks, you'd probably spazz out and start talking about you how can "hear the colors and taste the sounds." You friggin' loser! I find you utterly disgusting!

Damn! And I'm only on my third cup. (Which is the equivalent of your fourteenth cup! Queer! Hippy!)

posted by wil forbis 8/2/2002 08:37:27 PM

Man - did you see Anna Nicole on Stern last night? Someone should let some air outta those tires!
posted by wil forbis 8/2/2002 06:50:19 PM

I finished up my tenure dogsitting recently and I have to say - it was an enjoyable experience. I like dogs, I like the way they end up settling down next to you wherever you go. I think it's their way of saying "Wil, we just want you to know that if anybody fucks with you, we'll KILL them!"
posted by wil forbis 8/2/2002 05:04:22 PM