zzzzzzzzzz
posted by wil forbis 5/31/2002 01:46:49 PM

Thursday, May 30, 2002
Man, I had some great Thai food for lunch. Chicken Satay with this wonderful Phad Thai and fried tofu. Fucking excellent!

You gotta love the Thai people. As if they hadn't already contributed so much to the world when they gave us child prostitutes, they also have all this great food.
posted by wil forbis 5/30/2002 03:18:39 PM

Have you seen this new Capital One credit card ad where the guy complains that his credit card bills are too high, and then goes on to discover that his high interest rates are supporting the lavish lifestyles of a bunch of orangutans and assorted monkeys. There's only one problem with the ad: If I knew my credit card payments went to to a bunch of monkeys, I'd probably spend ever more with that card. I love monkeys! Look, I'll complain when my tax money goes to support homeless mothers or defense spending against terrorists - but letting monkeys dress up in fancy outfits and drink champange? That's good spending buddy.

I like spider monkeys. They always have a serious expression on their face. There's one in the ad who seems to be saying, "Don't bother me - I'm adding up receipts! I may not know what a receipt is, or how to add, but I'm going to do my damdest."

Hey Tarryn! Are baby spider monkeys, "spider monkeylings?"
posted by wil forbis 5/30/2002 12:55:02 PM

Monday, May 27, 2002
SALON WATCH UPDATE: Yowza! Today's Salon Personals chick is a hottie or the mid eighties variety. (Think Elizabeth Shue in "Adventures in Babysitting.")

I originally started the Salon Watch feature in this blog to point out how liberal, egelatarian (sic) Salon was only posting the profiles of exceptionally attractive people. However, I have to admit that lately they've been posting their fare share of uglattos. Cheers to you Salon!
posted by wil forbis 5/27/2002 03:54:35 PM

I generally support as little government intrusion into our lives as possible. I generally think people and organizations should be left alone until they are causing obvious harm to others. However, I would support a national law banning those sit com episodes where the characters sit around saying "Remember when..." and then it just goes into a flashback from a previous show.
posted by wil forbis 5/27/2002 11:06:38 AM

Friday, May 24, 2002
So I'm listening to the new Rush album right now. Ain't bad, like a lot of their recent crap, but not the most exciting stuff in the world either. A lot of bands these days, including Rush, seemed to have this need to create riffs that are constant streams of notes - there's no room to breath. It's like a heavy metal U2.

Plus, Lifeson has this new deal about not doing guitar solos. Jesus Christ, give me a break. Alex, your reason for existing is not to "create textures" or "develop interesting motifs" it's to shred! Get with it!

On the other hand, I saw the video for No Doubt's "Hella Good" and I was blown away. I've always been a little impartial to the band, but I really think this rockets them into the arena of the megagroups! An excellent song with excellent music and an always excellent piece of ass in the form of Gwen Stefani. She is quite possibly the most attractive woman in the history of rock. A couple grand on a boob job and she'd be perfect.

Hey, it's my birthday - I should be allowed to be a misogynist. (Not sure what my excuse is for the other 364 days a year.)
posted by wil forbis 5/24/2002 06:20:13 PM

Thursday, May 23, 2002
I guess I haven't really announced this here, but I've got another (short termed) blog at my new protest-site. Jihad Against Cowardice: A Defense of Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect. It's got a blog, links, writings and other stuff fun for the whole family. Check it out if you're not a douche!
posted by wil forbis 5/23/2002 05:39:22 PM

I had some killer Chinese food last night, but the wait staff were zombies. Mainly it was this tiny asian chick who looked like the life had been sucked out of her by a crazed Peking Duck. I went in and ordered the General Chicken (Primo!) and she says:

"Anyting else?"

I'm like, "Yeah, I'll have an order of pot stickers."

"Anyting else?"

"Sure, a Coke. I'll have a Coke."

Now I stopped there, but I'm pretty sure the conversation could've gone on forever. Like:

"Anyting else?"

"Umm, yeah, how about some egg rolls?"

"Anyting else?"

"A tall sake."

"Anyting else?"

"A 9 course mongolian feast."

"Anyting else?"

"A backrub!"

"Anyting else?"

"The new Lincoln Park cd!"

"Anyting else?"

"A Sofa"

etc....

posted by wil forbis 5/23/2002 05:36:46 PM

Wednesday, May 22, 2002
You know, have you seen this new sports show with Tom Arnold? He and a bunch of sports guys hang out with some prime T&A and talk sports, tell jokes and hang out with famous actors. I'm not a sports guy, but I find this show vaguely entertaining. As opposed to all other sports shows of which I would rather suck out my own eyeballs than watch.

Course, the one time I watched it, I had most of a martini in me, so that could explain a few things.
posted by wil forbis 5/22/2002 07:25:18 PM

Tuesday, May 21, 2002
This is pretty interesting - an article arguing that The Empire are the real good guys in the Star Wars mythos.

What a great word - mythos!
posted by wil forbis 5/21/2002 05:25:31 PM

Hey Jesss - what happened to your blog?
posted by wil forbis 5/21/2002 03:52:14 PM

After Saturday Night Live, I was thinking: Moby seems like a really great techno/electronica muscian. So why does he now seem commited to playing really bad alterna-pop. I mean, Jesus Christ - have you head this guys voice? It's fuckin awful!

I was was using some toilet bowl cleaner today (the maids have the week off) and I noticed that the stuff smells like toothpaste. It's really minty. But why would I want the area I deposit pee and poo in to smell minty? - It's unnatural!

I wonder whatever happened to Max Burbank. I could email him... but it's easier to wonder.


posted by wil forbis 5/21/2002 03:51:41 PM

Monday, May 20, 2002
Boy, without on-hold music, think of all the fusion and lite-jazz musicians that would be out of a job.
posted by wil forbis 5/20/2002 05:26:29 PM

Sunday, May 19, 2002
Hmm... It seems like blogger's been fucking with me a bit, but is working now.

You know who has "lost it"? Chris Kattan. Homeslice used to be one of the best things about SNL - for a year or so he was coming up with the best sketches - but now it just ain't happening. Last night's Mango sucked and he never does the guy who spits out apples anymore.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you suck too. Worse than Chris Kattan.


posted by wil forbis 5/19/2002 05:26:29 PM

yeah....
posted by wil forbis 5/19/2002 05:10:02 PM

Saturday, May 18, 2002
You know, it might seem rather sad a pathetic to stay home on a Saturday night working on a web site, but it has some advantages. Take last Saturday for instance. I was seated in my balmy California apartment, working up a host of new goodies for the next issue of acid logic when from outside comes the sound of tires screeching and metal tearing as two automobiles smashed into each other. (I live on the corner of a poorly designed cross section of streets that is often the site of near misses.)

I peered out my window to see what was amiss. No-one seemed hurt (aside from the predicatable cases of whiplash that are bound to show up in a few days) but resentment was running high. A collection of 30-ish yuppies, mostly white had run a stop sign and hit a car driven by a collection of young black girls. (Assumably, only one of them was doing the driving.) Heated words were exchanged and soon the epitaphs turned racial - one of the girls screamed at the driver of the other vehicle, "You dumb rich white bitch!" and like minded variations.

YOu might think I'd be opposed to this sort of thing, but truthfully, I think it's exactly what this country needs. We decry people efforts to make knee-jerk judgements about people based on race or social status, but sometimes the such moral distinctions of right and wrong are dead on. If anything, we are only going wrong in the details. Black people blame white folks and vice versa, but we are neglecting the real enemy: BLUE PEOPLE!!!

While white and black get lost in the racial quagmire. blue people are steadily increasing their power in our country. Answer me this: when was the last time you showed up at your job to be told that you were no longer needed, and that a certain person of the bluish persuasion was now performing your duties? A week? Two? A month at the most? HOw many significants others have you lost when they jumped ship and began dating a shiney new blue person. Are you not concerened when your children return home from school, singing the mocking songs and repeating the street lingo of blue entertainers? What we are experiencing is nothing less than cultural genocide!!! That's why I encourage you to join me on the assult of these blue devils who are stealing our country from underneath us! KEEP IT TRUE! FIGHT THE BLUE!!
posted by wil forbis 5/18/2002 12:42:05 PM

Friday, May 17, 2002
I just sent off an e-mail to someone asking me a few questions about my Buggles review. I thought I'd share a paragraph from said email with you. I really can sound like a legitimate music critic if I try.

The Buggles as geek rock? That's a tough one to define. Ultimately any use I've heard of the term geek rock seems to have more to do with a groups physical appearence than musical style. I've heard Weezer called geek-rock, Devo as well... maybe the Rentals. Never heard the Buggles classified as such, but I suppose it could stick. Ultimately, I might use the term for any band that enshewed the classic machismo (Led Zeppelin, AC/DC) or feminine mysitique (Mick Jagger, Michael Jackson) that seems commonplace in the rock world. Geek rock could define any group that purposefully throws away any overt sexual identity (and often becomes that much more sexual to their fans - the distance created by a lack of sexuality makes them that much more desirable.)

posted by wil forbis 5/17/2002 09:47:22 AM

Thursday, May 16, 2002
I gotta tell ya Tarryn - now that all your stuff is in some language I don't understand - it makes a much better read. Hah!
posted by wil forbis 5/16/2002 11:36:38 PM

In a way, love is sort of like cocaine. The first time you do it, it's great and you can't believe life could feel so good and it lasts a long time. The second, it's not quite as great, but still pretty good, but when it ends you feel a slight pinch of depression. The third time lasts less, and the depression grows. By the fifth time it seems like there's hardly any joy and the depression hits quickly and the next morning you're going up to your roommate saying, "What's up man! I know you took my stash." and he's like "What are you talking about, I didn't know you had a stash," and you say, "Fuck you! I knew you were gonna lie to me, man! You owe 100$" and he's like "Eat dick. I don't owe you anything!" and you're like "You're selling me out to the cops aren't you? They're right outside aren't they?" and then you climb out the bathroom window naked and go hide under the neighbor's porch for three days subsisting on a leftover candy bar and some lint.

Yeah, love is like that.

posted by wil forbis 5/16/2002 01:35:47 PM

Wednesday, May 15, 2002
You might have seen the news article stating that the $900 million anti drug commercials that taxpayers have paid for over the past five years have done nothing to curb drug use. In fact, some ads might have slightly encouraged it.

However, I'll tell you what does end drug abuse. Those little plastic things in the bottom of men's room urinals that say "Say No To Drugs." I tell ya - those things pulled me out of the gutter.

RE: Reports that Bush may have in some small way known about the possibilty of terrorist hijacking planes to fly into buildings. Ouch. That's gonna hurt him. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure at some point I looked ap at a plane in the sky and said "I wonder why no-one ever flew one of those into a building. (Actually, someone did. Pre-WWII, someone did fly a smaller plane into the Empire State Building. It resisted the attack - obviously.)
posted by wil forbis 5/15/2002 10:41:10 PM

Tuesday, May 14, 2002
You know Carter's trip to Cuba seems to be having the exact opposite effect its supposed to on decent Americans like myself. Throughout my life, I've always been dimly aware that I'm supposed to dislike CUba, but was never really clear on the reasons. And many of my pinko-commie friends would propose that Cuba was a modern Utopia - despite the fact that dozens of people would try to escape each year by riding an innertube across the ocean. But this Salon article, detailing Carter's trip, makes the place sound pretty miserable.

However, I don't think either faction - left or right - are really on in their assessments of Cuba. A friend of mine visited the place a year or so ago, and he made it sound like capitalism is alive and well, just somewhat underground. The "hotel" he stayed at had a TV satellite dish (something supposedly illegal) in plain view of the police (Dishes are kind of hard to hide.) but no one seemed to care. Cuba gets a healthy amount of money from tourism, and western tourists require all the sinfull decadence that Cubans themselves may be denied.
posted by wil forbis 5/14/2002 03:49:51 PM

Monday, May 13, 2002
Wow... check out how much I suck. Not only did I not call my mother on mother's day, but she called my and I remained oblivious to the fact that it was mother's day throughout the conversation. After the call I realized it, then later, she called back, by which point I'd forgotten again.

This is almost as bad as the time I siphoned off her pension fund to pay my gambling debts.

Happy Mother's Day, MOM!!!

Hey, Saleeby, you'll dig this: In the course of our conversation my mom mentioned that she liked your stuff, going as far to say "He has a real command of the language." She even said, from a writing point off view, she considered you superior to me.

Course, I don't see anyone translating your stuff into Spanish, do I?
posted by wil forbis 5/13/2002 05:27:25 PM

Sunday, May 12, 2002
Boy, this takes the cake. Every so often I'll come across people who steal things I've written and post them on their site (It's kind of flattering really.) But here's someone who not only stole my interview with Poison's Rikki Rockett, they translated the whole thing into Spanish!!! Hats off to you, my amigo!
posted by wil forbis 5/12/2002 02:23:31 PM

Saturday, May 11, 2002
You know what I hate? Doctors who go by their first name. Like this Doctor Phil cretin who's always showing up on Oprah. Or this Doctor Drew who answers questions in the USA Weekend magazine. I want a doctor I can respect, not some clod who goes by his first name. Whatever happened real doctors, like Doctor Doolittle, or Doctor Zhivago?b
posted by wil forbis 5/11/2002 09:21:54 PM

Friday, May 10, 2002
You know, there's been something weighing on me lately and I thought I would finally address it here in this blog. I speak of course, of the tragic death or singer/rapper Lisa Lopez. Lisa was undoubtably the key influence on my life, both with her wacky mannerisms and randy musical style. Many a day would pass in my teenage years where I would lie in bed, listening to her music, dreaming that I actually was Lisa. No performer had a greater impact on me. As such, I would like to offer a mini biography of here below, for those that may be unaware if her accomplishments.

Lisa debuted on the scene in the early nineties, with her band, En Vogue. Their first hit "We Are Family" caused an instant sensation and cast the media's glare on the band. Gradually, the pressure of stardom took its toll, and lead singer, Diana Ross, left the group to pursue a solo career. The group then rebounded and had a surprising flurry of hits last year, including "Survivor" and "Independent Woman."

Farewell, Lisa - you shall be missed!
posted by wil forbis 5/10/2002 02:23:37 PM

Thursday, May 09, 2002
Hey - so I finally saw the Osbournes. Seemed pretty funny, not the greatest thing in the world, but worth a gander. However, it was immediately followed by the Andy Dick Show. Not let me say - I loved News Radio and I always though Andy shone - but this MTV sit-com he's got seriously blow ass. On top of that, I saw him on Howard Stern a few weeks ago and he was kvetching about some girl who left him. His whole appearence on the show was some lame attempt to win her back. Dorks that care about skirts should get a life.
posted by wil forbis 5/9/2002 06:38:31 PM

Wednesday, May 08, 2002
A couple weeks ago I picked up a cheap Gretsch bass guitar - mostly out of the need to have one for home recording, but I've really been getting into the beast. There's just some great pleasure out of picking up a bass and plugging out some low end bass lines. I particularly like the look of a hand playing bass. Guitar playing with its zippy fretting and picking has a certain "wanker" quality, but you gotta dig the quiet noblity of a pick hand plucking at bass strings. In general the bass player is the least overt member of the band - he just chills in the background, holding up the low end. Let's have a moment of silence for this esteemed breed.

So I had dinner last night night in one of those quientessential Nevada Casino/Diners. Had the the Prime Rib special. I haven't had Prime Rib in years - what a strange meal. What part of the cow is it culled from?

By the way, if you've been trying these new Oberto Turkey Jerkies packs, lemme hear you say, "Yeah, Yeah."
posted by wil forbis 5/8/2002 05:22:21 PM

Tuesday, May 07, 2002
So this past weekend I went to Tower Records and decided to purchase several albums by musical acts I would never normally entertain. I got on this kind of top 40/urban soul kick and bought:

Mary J Blidge

Destiny's Child

Nelly Furtado

THe Def-Tones (here's where I started to get of the urban soul thing)

Space Jazz (haven't heard it yet, but it's a sort of electronica jazz album.

Seseme Street: THe Best of Elmo. (I love that little fucker!)

So far, all the big hit albums sound like you'd figure. The hits are great, but the rest of the tracks suck. Some of the Def-Tones are allright, but some of it's got that Korn sound you hear coming out of the cars of those big jock-punks who look like they're always pissed off about something.

They need to listen to some Best of Elmo - that'll calm them down.


posted by wil forbis 5/7/2002 06:11:41 PM

Monday, May 06, 2002
Being a lifelong Devo fan, I have to reprint this note from Amy Reiter's Salon column about the band's use of subliminal messages:

Mark Mothersbaugh, Devo's lead singer, currently at work on a new CD, "When Pigs Fly," has just come forward to admit that he and his fellow bandmates put subliminal messages in their music. They have, he tells Wireless Flash News, instructed people to buy jeans because they're "the uniform of the proletariat."

But that's just the tip of the subliminal iceberg. Mothersbaugh says he's sneaked the message "question authority" onto the soundtrack of "Rugrats, " for which he wrote music. And says it's "entirely possible" that a cereal commercial he worked on secretly featured the phrase "sugar is bad for you," just to be subversive.


posted by wil forbis 5/6/2002 05:39:55 PM

Friday, May 03, 2002
I seem to be developing a new habit where the beginning of each new blog contains some ruminations on yesterday's blog. For instance, I was thinking about yesterday's post and realized, that for some reason, despite the onrush of political correctness and diversity, it's still okay to make fun of the French. I had no fear of any repercussions when I did yesterday's attack on the pencil-moustached frog people (and that's just the women!) Even here, now, as I continue my attack on them, I know that no-one will call me on it. Why is that? Replace the word "French" in my posts with "Blacks" or "Chinese" and people would be all over me - but no one rises to defend the French.

I suppose, being that I see myself as a champion of the underdog (Thus my fetish for heavy metal and comic books), I should make the French my cause celebe'. But even I have no interest in defending them - what a misbegotten lot.

Well, onto other things: I've been meaning to draw your attention to this site. I worked on it years ago and it went into limbo for a while but I was always partial to it. It's a buffalo wings joint in Seattle.
posted by wil forbis 5/3/2002 02:58:15 PM

Thursday, May 02, 2002
On a more serious note stemming of my Le Pen joke yesterday, I'm a little flabergasted by all the Americans who are up in arms about this Le Pen cat. I mean, when was the last time we were even dimly aware of a French election. Hell, I didn't know the French even had elections. I just figured they determined their new leader with some sort of contest - who can go the longest without taking a bath - that sort of thing. But suddenly some neo-conservative guy arrives confirming that, yes, the French are elitest, nationalistic snobs, and the American Op-Ed pages go crazy. Let's be real, people - it's the French. The only thing they've ever been world leaders in is hiding and sniveling. If they wanna elect Froggy Le Hitler, let 'em!

Hmmm... that "serious note" didn't stay serious very long, and probably ensured that I lost the totality of my French readership. Well, see you around, Maurice!
posted by wil forbis 5/2/2002 09:34:00 AM

Wednesday, May 01, 2002
a
posted by wil forbis 5/1/2002 06:00:38 PM

Hey, dig this headline: 500,000 French rally against Le Pen. It's about time too - I think Sean Penn's gotten away with murder. First he broke homegirl Madonna's heart, then he's always punching people. It's about time the French reclaimed their role as the moral leaders of the world.

You know, buried in yesterday's blog was what I believe to be a valid point. I mean, was Horowitz's line any worse than the millions of Def Jam comedy jokes that start off, "I'll tell you what's funky about white folk."? Or the hundreds of times I've heard some gay guy say "Sometimes, I just don't understand why you straight people (insert reprehensible act here)"? I never get pissed at those comments so I think Brock is definately setting the bar for moral righteousness a little high here. Or low - I can never figure out how those metaphors are supposed to go.

I'll tell you one thing - none of these fuckers could ever survive in Hawaii. If Brock can't handle comments like that, he'd be dead in two days. Hawaiian comedy takes no prisoners, braddah! Frank Delima to da max!

So you know what - Now I'm not really sure it's even worth telling you my lesbian story. Basically, me and a friend ended up Saturday night at his lesbian neighbor's apartment. Numerous lesbos showed up and we all tried on clothes and they had a big wrestling war. Not that big a deal really. I feel like such a straight, white schmuck....

I rounded the corner just in time to see a knife flying towards me! Tune in next time.
posted by wil forbis 5/1/2002 05:53:34 PM