(*Only fans of NWA's "Straight Outta Compton" will get that reference.)
posted by wil forbis 7/31/2002 01:12:40 PM

Monday, July 29, 2002
Here's an article about an amazing dog who saved his owner from an attacking alligator. He managed to leap on the 'gator and actually ride him into a mess 'o quicksand. Then he pulled himself out by grabbing onto a vine, Tarzan style. Then he built a spaceship and went to Maars where he started a colony and interbred with Martians to create a race of Martian dogs that eventually conquered Earth. Then he did other amazing stuff.

That's one amazing dog!
posted by wil forbis 7/29/2002 12:26:34 PM

Sunday, July 28, 2002
So for the next week or so, I'm sort of housesitting for my girlfriend as she's out of town. Just yesterday I was over there, and I'd gotten pretty sweaty rifling through her drawers so I thought I'd take a shower. I walk into the bathroom and realize that she's got all sorts of bottles and scrubs and ointments, but get this.... no soap or shampoo!She's got hair exfolients and eyeball mosturizers and liquids that even out the ph balance of your eyelashes - but no soap and shampoo. I don't get women.
posted by wil forbis 7/28/2002 12:20:43 PM

Saturday, July 27, 2002
Boy, this stock market crash is awful. I've lost 2.3 billion so far.
posted by wil forbis 7/27/2002 03:40:32 PM

Friday, July 26, 2002
Good Lord... the madness continues as reported in this article about a fat guy suing fast food restaurants for making him obese. I think this is the best line: "He said he ate fast food for decades, believing it was good for him until his doctor cautioned him otherwise."

I'm quite serious when I say that this man, as well as all the idiots who sue tabacco companies for giving them cancer, should be executed.

There's some sort of bird making strange sounds outside my apartment window right now.

posted by wil forbis 7/26/2002 01:02:02 PM

Tuesday, July 23, 2002
I don't know of you've read my acid logic column on the Pledge of Allegiance controversy, but it's created a discussion on the guestbook. I found this link rather relevent and informative. It basically goes into detail about how they the Court made their decision.
posted by wil forbis 7/23/2002 11:51:55 PM

Heh... Tarryn was talking about that english doctor who killed something like 200 of his patients. I have to admit, I saw the headline and was like "Holy Fuck!" But then I read the story and all these people were like a hundred years old. It's just hard to get morally righteous about these things when the victims can barely chew solid food.

It's like babies. I think we all recognize in this society that's it's all right to kill babies... you know, throw them off buildings, stuff them in the dryer, freeze them in the ice box. When I was a kid, I made a big photo collage called What To Do With Unwanted Babies. It was a collection of images showing babies being dispensed with in a variety of ways. My favorite was Microwave-Baby. But Hanging-By-The-Doorbell-Baby was pretty good too.

Ahhh... one day I'll have my own babies to kill.
posted by wil forbis 7/23/2002 11:40:34 PM

Monday, July 22, 2002
You know, horror films don't get enough credit for showcasing strong female characters. I mean, "Halloween" had Jamie Lee Curtis, "Nightmare on Elm Street" had Heather something orother and one of the Arquette sisters, even "Ghosts of Mars" had Natasha Hestridge. I'd think all the feminists would be giving mad props to Freddy Krueger and company.

Anyone out there remember Love/Hate? The band, not the relationship.
posted by wil forbis 7/22/2002 11:21:23 PM

Sunday, July 21, 2002
So my mom was here for a couple days. the first night we had a couple martinis and then watched John Carpenter's "Ghosts of Mars." Let me tell you, nothing unites mother and son like watching "Ghosts of Mars." We both unequivocally agreed that it sucked.

Saw "Mishima" a few weeks ago too. Can't say I went batty over that one. It's just too high falutin' for my dumb american brain.

I think I'll have sushi tonight.
posted by wil forbis 7/21/2002 04:37:56 PM

Friday, July 19, 2002
Hey Tarryn - you should enter the Best British Weblog compitetion.

Then you should eat Satan!

Hey, what's with all these terrorists? First Johnny Walker pleads guilty like a two-dollar whore, then Moussaoui tries to pull the same stunt. What's with these pussies? Ain't they never heard of O.J.?
posted by wil forbis 7/19/2002 12:34:45 PM

Wednesday, July 17, 2002
Boy, I know what you're saying, Jesss. I've been craving some Hole myself.

Oh...

...you mean the band.
posted by wil forbis 7/17/2002 03:06:56 PM

Tuesday, July 16, 2002
I've been talking about Starbucks a lot lately - here's one of the problems I have with them. Their smallest coffee (12 oz) is called a "tall" and then their next biggest is like a "giganto" and after that is a "Super Giganto Enormi." - But they will, if prodded, server coffee in an 8 oz cup - something I've heard them refer to as a "small." But not all Starbucks employees recognize this, so you may go into one and order a "small," but end up getting a "tall."

For this I hope rabid buzzards claw open the skull of every Starbucks employee and eat their brains.
posted by wil forbis 7/16/2002 07:21:11 PM

Sunday, July 14, 2002
This just in: Chilli favored Top Ramen Rocks!!!

To make it a semi-healthy snack, add steamed vegetables!

So I saw The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys this weekend. I'm genuinely interested in what people thought of this movie. I found it intensely depressing, to the degree I thought it had been misadvertised. It's promo-ed as this kind of cartoony, cutting edge coming of age story but it's really about... well, I don't want to give it away, but it's pretty heavy stuff. I do want to give Kieirin (sic) Culkin a shout out - he delivers a solid performance (as do most of the cast.) But I couldn't help feel that the characters undergo some pretty life changing events simply so the filmmakers can create a "heavy" movie. I understand it's based on a book, but my point stands. If you saw the film, I'd like to hear your opinion. If I like it enough I might include it in a blog and humiliate and degrade you.
posted by wil forbis 7/14/2002 12:01:57 PM

Saturday, July 13, 2002
You know, it's funny... you're sitting there, innocently playing on the web and then you post a blog and people go crazy. I got inumerable comments about my now infamous "soup" blog. It seemed to really hit people where they lived. Well, I thank you for your feedback and I'm glad I was able to provide a voice for this controversial and untouched topic.

Man, I'm listeing to the "Forbidden Planet" soundtrack. This shit'll fuck you up, dawg!
posted by wil forbis 7/13/2002 12:40:25 PM

Wednesday, July 10, 2002
You know who I'd like to kill? The guy that said chicken noodle soup should be eaten with a spoon. It clearly requires a fork, motherfucker!

No wait, I'd do something even better than killing. I break into his house before he got home from his job at the company that decides how people should eat soup. Then he'd show up and be like, "Hey, where's my wife and kids?" and I'd say, "Never mind that - try this soup." and he'd eat it and say "This is pretty tasty. What's it made out of of?" and I'd say, "YOUR FAMILY!!!"

That'd make him think twice about saying chicken noodle soup should be eaten with a spoon.

Hey, this is a cool site: findagrave.com. You can use it to find the graves of famous people. Maybe you can use it to find the grave of the soup guy after I kill him.
posted by wil forbis 7/10/2002 01:35:57 PM

Tuesday, July 09, 2002
Well, hell, I'm the first to admit that I haven't had much worthwhile to talk about lately. I mean, who wants to hear me rap about potato chips? Or give shout outs to Ben Kweller? Maybe, this is it - I'm no longer funny. That's life, ain't it - you have a few good years and then you begin your slow descent into mediocrity and obsolescents. Well, it's not like I didn't have my glory days - hell, there we're periods where tens of people visited my blog. Pornographic email came in by the byteload! yeah, I've got something to tell the grandkids....
posted by wil forbis 7/9/2002 02:31:28 PM

Saturday, July 06, 2002
You know one thing I really love? Cape Cod Potato Chips. Especially when I haven't had any in a while. The feeling of opening a fresh bag... ummm, it's delightful!

Look! I like Cape Cod Potato Chips so much I wrote a poem about them.

Cape Cod Potato Chips


In the morning sun


Rolling through the 'hood

With my niggaz G-Dawg and Spazz*

*Poem completed by the rapper D-Run.

posted by wil forbis 7/6/2002 08:58:26 PM

Thursday, July 04, 2002
Yeah... ummm...

So you seen ads for this new Ben Kweller cat? He's some kid with a new solo album. I saw it and thought it looked amusing (that's music these days, it doesn't matter if it sounds amusing, it has to look amusing.) but not enough to buy. Then I read a review and found out he was in the band RADISH. I actually read a New Yorker article about those guys years ago. Basically, RADISH was a band fronted by a then 15 year old Ben Kweller. At the time they were signed it seemed like they were going to take over the world. Ben was hanging with Courtney Love and Dre - but the album came out and went nowhere. I picked it up for a couple bucks in a bargin bin - it wasn't too bad, kind of a Nirvana rip off without Cobain's whining. Now Ben back for the attack doing the solo thing.

I can dig it, I can dig it....
posted by wil forbis 7/4/2002 06:38:35 PM

Tuesday, July 02, 2002
You know, we we're talking about Starbucks over in the acid logic guestbook, and it kind of reminded me of a little Starbucks... uhh... phenomenom that's been happening to me. There's a Starbucks near my house and a while back they started giving me free coffees. Id walk in, expecting to pay, but they'd turn that bitch out, "on the house." At first it was mainly this heavyset Mexican guy doing in, but then I noticed other people doing it as well. And once, I saw the heavyset guy talk to another guy getting my coffee and say something like 'give this guy a freebie.' So it seems this heavyset guy is orchestrating all these free coffees.

I have two theories about this.

1) These people think I'm so poor they've taken pity on me and give me free coffee.

2) The heavy guy is in love with me and is hoping if he gives me anough coffee I'll concede to make passionate love with him. (Sucker! He'd have to give me at least 25 coffees for that to happen.)
posted by wil forbis 7/2/2002 10:00:35 PM

Monday, July 01, 2002
Now folks, you know I've never steered you wrong when it comes to things like funny comics and child porn. Well you really should check out Jason Yungbluth's Deep Fried comic which is profiled in the newest acid logic. Funny, funny stuff.

Other good stuff: I just saw a pre-release DVD of Stuart Gordon's Dagon, which I believe is showing in some cities right around now. Holy Fuck! A genuinely horrifying horror film. Should be in video store at the end of this month.
posted by wil forbis 7/1/2002 10:25:26 PM