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Irish pt. XXXV

By Pete Moss


We're at Ramona's RV. Ramona is counting her take from the Scrabble. I'm steaming some Trader Joes potstickers.

I set out plates, condiments, chopsticks. The pot stickers take a few minutes to steam up. I dish them out when Ramona is finished counting her money. Ramona slips me and YoYo a C-note each.

"Well, thank you. Pacoima Larry already gave us some money. You don't have to do this," I say.

"But we'll take it anyway," says YoYo, giving me the stink eye.

"That's fine. I want you two there, from now on," says Ramona. "You're my good luck charm. I draw good tiles with you there."

"In that case we'll be happy to oblige," says YoYo.

We start eating the pot stickers. The dogs sit waiting for hand outs. Except Daisy, who sits on YoYo's lap. YoYo feeds Daisy with chopsticks. I've heard it's very bad manners to let any part of one's mouth touch the chopsticks while eating. In a past life Daisy was apparently a Tokugawa Geisha.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" says YoYo to Ramona. Ramona looks up from rolling a pot sticker in plum sauce.

"Uh...OK," says Ramona.

"You got a man?" says YoYo.

"A man?" says Ramona.

"Yeah, you know, a boyfriend."

Ramona furrows her brow.

I eat a pot sticker. 

"You gotta have a man somewhere," YoYo plows on. "A smart, good looking, rich young woman such as yourself must have your pick of men."

Ramona looks at YoYo then looks away then reaches down and scratches a dogs ear.

"Wait...You a dyke?" says YoYo.

"A dyke?" says Ramona.

" a virgin???" says YoYo. The look of astonishment on her face is priceless.

"I'm not a virgin." says Ramona.

"Well where's your man?" says YoYo.

"I had one once. He was so handsome. He was in a band. He forced me to get an abortion."

"Oh." says YoYo.

There's a long silence.

"Men are scum!" says YoYo.

YoYo and Ramona look at me.

I eat another pot sticker.