By Wil Forbis
You ever the hear the deal on Tom Scholz of the
rock band Boston? Apparently, the demo tape he made for the band that
got them their record deal was his "last shot" at rock and roll stardom.
He was like 28 at the time and said to himself, "If this doesn’t succeed,
I’m going to just continue being an electrical engineer and go on with
my life." So not only was he an outstanding keyboard player, decent
guitarist, skilled songwriter and recording engineer, he was also an
electrician*. I hate people
like that, people who are multi-talented. People who can say things
like "Well, even if I don’t win the Gold in this year's Summer Olympics
I can always fall back on my first love, advanced gynecology!" Where
do these bastards come from?
I’ve always been more of a "Jack of All Trades,
Master of None" myself. Sure I’ve dabbled in music, art, writing and
whatnot, but I never really mastered any of them. And frankly, I think
it’s just my lot in life. I’ve known people who’ve had a "genius factor"
that allows them to really take off in a certain pursuit, but in some
ways that seems to be their undoing. Because it’s so easy for them,
it doesn’t present enough of a challenge to make them really go all
the way with it. It’s like those guys that can casually whip off an
almost perfect rendition of "Eruption" on the guitar and then toss the
instrument aside into their pile of empty Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets
and 1978 CHIC magazines. Meanwhile, the rest of us pat ourselves on
the back for a meager version of "Greensleeves." Makes you really sympathize
with Salieri .
Course these days you really wonder why anyone
tries anymore. Most fields of art and music have been taken over by
hacks anyway. Why learn classical painting when some Greenwich Village
hippie will pay a prostitute to throw up on a canvas and sell that for
$23,000? Why pick out some interesting scales on the guitar when a bunch
of tone deaf, college drop outs will come around, squawking meaningless
lyrics over a chord progression they ripped of from Bob Dylan and go
platinum? Why hone your craft as an actor when Keanu Reeves will just
grabbed up the role from underneath you? ("Brilliant, Keanu, you remind
me of a young Olivier, with the subdued presence of a pre-Graduate Hoffman!"
"Whoa… Thanks, dude.")
Ahh, I’m not really as bitter as I sound. I’ve
long since learned life isn’t fair and that the pain of being passed
over by the unskilled can be dissipated by taking your frustration and
rage out on those you love. People see me as the demon when I throw
broken whiskey bottles at 5 year old children and/or chase Mexican housewives
through their homes in my 1973 Honda, but really, I can’t help myself.
I’m just protesting against a world gone mad. Instead of locking me
up they should be locking up Leonardo DeCapprio, Jackson Pollack and
Yo La Tengo (preferably in the same 4" by 4" cell.)
But it’s all right. I’m sure everyone will appreciate
me once I’m dead.
*A career
he actually proved his merits with when he invented the "Rockman" -
a sort of Walkman/Amplifier/effects-pedal unit that was pretty nifty.
Wil Forbis is a
well known international playboy who lives a fast paced life attending
chic parties, performing feats of derring-do and making love to the
world's most beautiful women. Together with his partner, Scrotum-Boy,
he is making the world safe for democracy. Email - acidlogic@hotmail.comVisit Wil's web log, My So-Called Penis, and receive complete enlightenment.
