An individual exhibiting such uniqueness or individuality that he or she will cause a roomful of bar cronies to exclaim, "That's one interesting motherfucker!" Actual sexual relations with one's mother are not required.
Wil Forbis and John Saleeby
Several weeks ago, a controversy of epic proportions erupted on the Acid Logic guestbook, in which a substantial portion of our readership (two people) left postings indicating that they were refusing to visit acid logic due to acrimonious statements made by John Saleeby in his article about Dave Thomas. (John had stated that he would rather "inject a hypo full of Magic Johnson jism into my head before I eat anything from Burger King.") Allegations ran wild that John was a racist, homophobe and a cat molester. Instantly, celebrity pundits used the media to strike against acid logic. Aaron Sorkin said Acid Logic was the antithesis of everything he thought acid stood for. Rosie O'Donnell claimed a key reason she became a lesbian was to escape a mating pool that included neanderthals such as John. And for the first time ever, I was not invited to Martha Stewart's annual drum and bass rave in Manhattan Beach. Such was the pall that Saleeby's comments had cast onto the world of Acid Logic.
Slowly, I began to realize that our critics had a point. By allowing Saleeby to continue his demonizing of the oppressed, I was giving tacit approval to the ideas he espoused. By providing a forum for the rantings of Saleeby's embittered and wounded ego, I was, in effect, as guilty as John. Once the horror of that observation came over me, I knew that I had to give John the opportunity to work with me and prove that he could be a decent human being. Clearly, the only way we could do this would be to write an article about Yoko Ono together.
Yoko, after all, is everything that John isn't. Yoko is an ardent pacifist while John encourages violence in all its many forms. Yoko promotes tolerance for diversity while John makes every effort to cordon people off into narrowly pre-defined categories and then mock them for their supposed faults. Yoko is a feminist, while John is. well, I'm not sure there's a word for it but I'm pretty sure he thinks women should be reverted to a slave class that should be called upon only to satisfy the sexual needs of whatever male is nearby. (One of the few areas where John and I agree.)
Thus, I encourage you, the loyal acid logic reader, to join us in welcoming a new era in the history of Acid Logic. An era of peace and understanding, of joy and mutual satisfaction, of singing puppies and dancing kittens. Welcome to INTERESTING MOTHERFUCKERS: YOKO ONO.
(Note: You can tell John's sections as they are contained in green boxes.)
I've got to admit, when it came to the subject of Yoko Ono, I was just like everybody else. I loathed her. I thought she broke up the Beatles. I thought her music sounded somewhere in between a the sound of ferret caught in airplane engine and a beer bottle stuck in a garbage disposal. I thought her "art" was incredibly stupid and weak minded. And I thought she was amazingly unattractive, to the degree that I was stupefied that John Lennon, a man who could've bagged any bird on the planet, would waste his time with such a talentless, droopy-breasted shrew.
However, since then time and many bowels have moved on and I've had to change my views. What forced this change you ask? Well, for one thing, I've always believed that my opinions should be in direct opposition to the majority of the American populace. And if the whole of American thinks of Yoko as a screeching, preening harpy, then shouldn't I revere her as a feline, serene goddess whose work had been woefully maligned by the menace of John Q Public? After forming this opinion, I started to make attempts to validate it, beginning with an examination of with Yoko's music. (I recommend "Walking on Thin Ice" as a good compilation of her seventies and eighties work.) And I discovered, it ain't all that bad. In fact some of it was pretty fucking great. While not so esoteric to be unlistenable, Yoko's tunes do manage to have a healthy avoidance of the status quo, which keeps them lively and interesting. As such, I decided Yoko would be an excellent target. erm, subject for an Interesting Motherfuckers article.
Yoko inescapably rose to mega fame in the arms of John Lennon. And when you start talking about John and Yoko, you have to ask some hard questions. Did she break up the Beatles? Would Yoko, a quasi-feminist celebrity, ever have had any recognition, without the aid of her partner, John? Did she really even deserve success? These are the difficult questions that we must ask. And it's even more difficult to answer these questions. But I will try. You see.... oops, I guess my section is up. So it's up to John to answer these difficult questions.
Uhh, yeah, moving past John's aberrations there, let's take a look at some of Yoko's music. Now some people are going to read this article and say, "Darn it, Wil. You spent all this time focusing on Yoko's musical output and not her groundbreaking film, writing, visual or performance art pieces." Well, there's a reason for that cucumber-breath, and that's that still I think all that other stuff is pretty crappy. Especially her performance art. God knows I loath to share an opinion with the mass populace but in the case of performance art, Yoko's or otherwise, I agree with all sane people that it's a giant fucking sham. Performance art is for talentless people who can't make it in real art forms - like painting, music or the most challenging of all: web zine-writing.
So with that out of the way, let's spec out some choice Ono compositions. Yoko was doing quite a bit from her teen years into the sixties, but I think her best stuff came after the John Lennon merger. Lennon's presence managed to give her a grounding in rock (starting with the Plastic Ono band albums) which made her stuff more accessible. Albums like "Approximately Infinite Universe" and "Feeling the Space" had fairly traditional 70's rock/pop combined with Yoko's ethereal lyrics, omnipresent Japanese accent and offbeat sense of composition. Another seventies album, "Fly" is worth noting if only because it has, dig this, Yoko singing the blues (on the tune, "Midsummer New York")
better stuff was yet to come. In 1980, John and Yoko released the acclaimed
"Double Fantasy" album. A sizeable chunk of this album is John and Yoko
making musical doe eyes at each other, (I will eat a live baby if I ever
have to hear "Dear Yoko" again) but Yoko's got some great cuts on here,
like the freaky "Kiss, Kiss, Kiss" (featuring the sounds of Yoko having
sex, which probably sounds a lot like Yoko doing the dishes.) and the
kooky "Walking on Thin Ice.*" Yeah, "Double Fantasy" was good,
but if you want a seriously concentrated dose of Ono-strangeness, nothing
beats the 1981 album, "Season of Glass." While "Double Fantasy" was mostly
happy, luvy-duvy nonsense, SOG (produced by fellow weirdster, Phil Spector)
is all about what's really important in life: loneliness and fear. (John
had just been plugged by Mark Chapman.) The songs are disjointed and angular,
often featuring Yoko singing a straight vocal line while backed up by
her own wolf-howl harmonies. "No, No, No" has Yoko reprimanding an un-named
lover for his patronizing attitude. And after hearing a song entitled
"She Gets Down on her Knees," you gotta forgive Yoko for stealing John
away from the Beatles. Right, John?
Jesus Christ, John - "No music but Yoko music?!?" I ask you for a thoughtful, soul-searching analysis of the work of Yoko Ono and you send in a series of half-truths, pornographic Late Show jokes and accusations that I'm attempting to fondle children. Well, you're finished here at acid logic, do you hear me? FINISHED! Right after you turn in those 564 additional articles you've been working on. Then you're out the door!
* Available only on the remastered version.
What do you think America? Leave your comments on the Guestbook!
Wil Forbis is the pen named shared by such noted authors as James Ellroy, Katie Roiphe, and Jim Thompson. E-mail him, I mean, them, at firstname.lastname@example.org
View Wil's Acid Logic web log, a stirring endorsement of sex with pandas!
wrote for The National Lampoon while he was in high school, was a stand
up comic in New York, and has contributed to the net humor zines Schmuck.com,
Campaign Central, and the legendary American Jerk. He's on medication
now so he's probably a little nicer now than he was when you met him earlier.
Email - email@example.com
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