By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby
Throughout the years, acid logic has focused its licentious eye on the babes of television, movies, the internet and even history. But we've hit a a snatch, er, snag---we've run out of babes! It seems only wise to starting highlighting the women of comic books and cartoons, dames who don't even exist! (Don't tell that to the overweight kid down the street who thinks he's an actual Dungeons and Dragons character.) Thus we present...
Daphne from Scooby-Doo
But perhaps most distraught is Scooby himself. If ever a gal could cause a dog to consider human/animal relations, Daphne is it. The big guy would clearly like nothing more to take Daphne in his paws and moan out, "I ruv-ruv-ruv youuuuuuu!"
Robert Crumb’s “Big Foot”
By the way, guys, learn from my mistake - Never show “White Man Meets Big Foot” to your Girlfriend! Human Females do not respond well to Comics in which a Human Male has a Happy Relationship with a Non Human Female. Especially when the Human Male showing her the Comic has been Living in her Apartment for three months without paying any Rent. That might be where the “Douche Bag” thing came from.
Morrigan Aensland of the Darkstalkers series
But, jesus... just look at her... WF
Wilma Flintstone and/or Betty Rubble
That said, Wilma has some charms. No one ever looked better while pushing a miniature-elephant-operating-as-a-vacuum-cleaner than her!
Hansi, The Girl Who Loved The Swastika
Yeah, “Hansi, The Girl Who Loved The Swastika” - Tom Petty’s Favorite Comic Book! Hansi goes from being a Nazi in Germany to being a Christian in America “So what’s the difference?” Get the fuck outta here, Joy Behar! The worst part is when Hansi is in a Russian Labor Camp. But the Russians don’t rape her because she’s too skinny “A skinny Nazi girl? You mean Anne Coulter?” Yeah, Joy Behar, you’re a funny chick! Go get me a beer - HEINEKEN!!! I’ve seen a lot of the artwork from this Comic on the Internet but none of the Rape stuff. I’d look around for it but my Lap Top already smells like Burt Reynold’s House in “Boogie Nights”. After the War Hansi’s U-Boat Sailor Boyfriend comes Home - WHOA! A German U-Boat guy who SURVIVED?! This guy is even more of a Super Hero than Spiderman! Is that where the Submariner came from? Wow! - and they accept Jesus as their Savior. That’s nice, but it might have saved us a lot of trouble if they had tried that in the First Place! But at least now we don’t have to worry about em voting for that God Damn Hillary Clinton! Yeah, Joy Behar - I’m messing with you! Get the fuck outta here before I put on a Ted Nugent CD!
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