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Ten Pictures of Thandie Newton

By John Saleeby
October 1st, 2012

1) I Love Thandie Newton!   2) She Is So Cute!
3) I Wish She Was My Girlfriend.   4) I Could Make Her Happy.
5) But I Will Never Meet Thandie Newton.   6) My Dream Will Never Come True.
7) I Just Swallowed A Bunch Of Pills And Sliced My Wrists.   8) I Can't Find The Phone To Call 911.
9) Bury Me In A Coffin Lined With Pictures Of . . . Who Was That Woman I Was So Excited About? Eva Mendez?   10) I Don't Care. I'm Dead.



John Saleeby wrote for The National Lampoon while he was in high school, was a stand up comic in New York, and has contributed to the net humor zines, Campaign Central, and the legendary American Jerk. He's on medication now so he's probably a little nicer now than he was when you met him earlier. Email -

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