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More Literature in the Style of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"

By Wil Forbis
February 1st, 2012

In 2009, the publishing house Quirk Books released the novel "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." The book was a satirical farce, combining classic text from Jane Austen's literary masterpiece with scenarios of zombie violence right out of the films of George Romero. Scenes of stiff upper lipped denizens of British high culture contemplating hordes of flesh eating undead proved to be a combustible comic explosion and catapulted the book to the top of the bestsellers list.

We here at Quark Publications were greatly impressed with the concept of taking previous works of literature and interspersing them with scenes of zombie mayhem. As a result, we would like to offer some preview snippets from some of our upcoming releases following this motif.

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The Graphic Designer's Sourcebook of Advanced Techniques for Photoshop Elements 10 and Zombies.
By Alison Wilson and Donald Harvell

[SAMPLE TEXT]
Page 147

A frequently requested graphic design technique in the world of advertising and magazine design is to "callout" an object or figure by placing a drop shadow effect around it. Some of the tools and effects included in recent versions of Photoshop Elements make this quite painless to implement. Just follow our six step process.

1) Using the lasso tool, select the image or object from the larger picture (using the techniques described in Chapter 2) and copy it onto its own layer.

2) Smell the festering stench of death and decay as the undead rise to surround you.

3) Press "CTRL-A" to select the object on the new layer. Then, click on the Effects pull down (marked as "FX") from the Layers menu. Choose the "Drop Shadow" option.

4) Scream in agony as the recently deceased corpse of your mother-in-law bites into the carotid artery of your neck causing a spray of blood to spatter across your computer screen.

5) In the "Layer Style" pop-up window, edit the various property options for the type of drop shadow effect you would like to present.

6) As a group of zombies who were your former friends and neighbors descend upon you, gaze in terror as hundreds of maggots and worms fall onto your body, crawling into your ear, nose and mouth holes.

Congratulations! You have successfully applied the drop shadow effect. Next: restoring the colors in poorly compressed image files!

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My Summer Vacation and Zombies

By Billie, age 7, and Donald Harvell

[SAMPLE TEXT]
Page 1

I was really happy to get out of school last summer. Me and my dad and my dog, Rickles, went fishing a lot down at Bellow Creek. My dad kept complaining about the dead fish and the funny green water. One day Ricklesis ran off, and when he came back he had a severed hand in his mouth.

I think girls are gross.

I had to go to summer school. Our teacher was Mrs. Arbinger. One day, lots of really old men broke the windows of our classroom and started climbing in. Everyone was screaming. I was worried because I hadn't done my math homework.

Some of the men grabbed Mrs. Arbinger by her arms and legs and pulled at her so that instead of being in one piece, she was in five pieces. I was happy because I hadn't done my math homework. I laughed, and then we all got to go home. The End!

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Bloodlust of the Zombies and Zombies: Part Three in the Bloody Zombie Apocalypse Trilogy By George Argento and Donald Harvell

[SAMPLE TEXT]
Page 162

(Donald Harvell's note : I was at first a little surprised when Quark Publications suggested taking George Argento's classic horror novel about zombies and adding even more unrelated zombies. But I took to the task like a zombie feasting on the entrails of a bisected six-year-old girl and I feel the end result is poised for commercial success.)

Pvt. Anderson Dobbs replaced the still steaming empty magazine of his M-16 and spun around. Stumbling towards him like Irishmen after a night of binge drinking were four of the undead. "Crawl back to hell, you bastards!" Dobbs screamed, squeezing his trigger. As the hot bullets rendered their flesh, the zombies moaned, falling into a grey pile on the hard concrete.

Behind Dobbs, two zombies approached, each one with his fist wrapped around a leg bone containing still warm human flesh. Their glassy eyes seemed to take delight at yet another meal. (Donald Harvell's note: Just to be clear, this paragraph was not in the original text.)

"Dobbs!" shouted a voice off in the distance. It was Cpl. Stanislas, bloodied and ragged but still alive. He was 30 yards down the street, coming out of a now deserted bakery. As Dobbs watched, two zombies leapt from a second-story awning and tackled Stanislas. A third zombie crawled out of the window and encircled a group. (Donald Harvell's note: okay, so those first two zombies are in the original text, but the third zombie is my addition.) Dobbs switched his M-16 into single shot mode and trained in on one of the zombies menacing Stanislas. He fired, once, twice, but each shot pinged off in the distance. A new zombie, dressed as a clown, appeared round the corner. (Donald Harvell's note: this zombie is my insertion.) As Dobbs watched, one of the zombies bit into Stanislas's arm. Suddenly, a ninja zombie leapt into the fray. (Donald Harvell's note: you might think the ninja zombie was my creation, but he was actually in the original text.) A sexy librarian zombie stumbled onto the scene. (Donald Harvell's note: Umm, I can't actually recall whether I came up with this one. I once dated a librarian. I might've been thinking about her.)

There were lots of zombies.

 

Wil Forbis is a well known international playboy who lives a fast paced life attending chic parties, performing feats of derring-do and making love to the world's most beautiful women. Together with his partner, Scrotum-Boy, he is making the world safe for democracy. Email - acidlogic@hotmail.com

Visit Wil's web log, The Wil Forbis Blog, and receive complete enlightenment.

 

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