Acid Logic - Pop Culture and humor in one easy to digest package!
home columns features interviews fiction guestbook blogs
The low calorie pop culture web site for people on the go! A production

Mothers: Society's Greatest Evil!

By Spoiks
May 1, 2010 can be shown, beyond a reasonable doubt, that mothers are responsible for everything wrong with the world.

Every culture in the world has a reverence for the role of the mother in the family unit and larger society. Indeed, the word "mother" is often treated as being synonymous with "love" or "purity." This is an unfortunate situation since it can be shown, beyond a reasonable doubt, that mothers are responsible for everything wrong with the world.

"Don't touch that!" You probably heard that a lot as a child. And it was usually your mother saying it --- you might've even heard her voice as you read the sentence. What was she doing? Warning you not to touch a snail, frog, severed head or any other understandable target of a child's curiosity. In doing so, she was passing on the message that the world was a place of constant, unseen dangers. She was ensuring that you would grow up intimidated, even terrified by the world around you. (Roger Waters of Pink Floyd captured this in lyric form, when he sang "Mother's going to put all her fears into you" in his song "Mother.")

Such matriarchal concern might seem touching, even cute, but it's had an undeniable role in stifling human progress. Generation after generation of children has had their natural curiosity stamped out by their mother's naggings. Why don't we have a cure for cancer? Because the vast majority of the human population has been convinced not to explore the world and mysteries of biology and science. Why haven't we set up a space station on Mars? Because we've internalized our mother's fears of the unknown. "Don't set up a space station on Mars!" you can hear her whining. "You might run into some sort of horrible space monster. Here, come have some apple pie instead."

"But my mother loves me," you moan. But, does she, really? Let's consider the science of evolution. The genes that thrive are the genes that pass on behaviors that promote a life form's survival in a particular environment. You might have a yearning for life, but it's really a yearning of the millions of voices encoded into your DNA. And your DNA is, of course, an extension of your parents' DNA. Your mother yearns for survival too, and she sees your existence as a continuation of hers. She seeks immortality by parasitically living off you. She doesn't love you because you're a special person with an interesting personality; she loves you because you are a continuation of her life.

We often talk about a mother's propensity for "unconditional love," but we never acknowledge that it is the worst form of love possible. Should Hitler's mother have loved him unconditionally? Of course not -- she should've placed conditions on her love, namely no mass genocide, no fascism, no stupid mustache etc. But she did not because all Hitler had to do to please her was merely exist. As a result she empowered his actions -- I think it's fair to say that Hitler's mother was a million times more evil than the Fuhrer himself.

Some might extrapolate from my condemnation of motherhood that I simply hate all women and think they should be removed from the human species. Well, that's an interesting idea and definitely worth discussing, but that's not my short-term goal here. I'm merely trying to open up discussion on ways we can remove the hideous, detrimental effect of mothers on mass culture. Perhaps, upon birth, children should be removed from their mother's arms and raised by disciplinarian robots. Maybe, after a mother projects an infant from her womb she should be cast into an underground tomb that could also serve as a sewage system. I don't know -- I'm not saying I have all the answers, but it's something we need to think about.


Columns - Features - Interviews - Fiction - GuestBook - Blogs
View for more sin and wackiness!!!

Email Publisher