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Irish pt. XLII

By Pete Moss


YoYo is trying to get her sister and auntie interested in Scrabble. I got the kids.

I get three cups and a bean and run the kids through the basics of the game.

They pick it up real fast. In no time the second oldest kid has all the candy.

It's getting late.

"Time to get back to the motel," says YoYo.

"No!! Uncle Jimmie has to stay with us," say the kids.

YoYo laughs. "No, Uncle Jimmie is mine. He has to come with me!" says YoYo.

"When you gonna have a baby?" says one of the littlest kids

The other kids all hush up. It's a serious question, even if it is from a little kid.

YoYo is out of words, for once.

"When the time is right," I say. I look at YoYo.

Her face is full of contradictory information.

"If you guys made us a little cousin we wouldn't mind. I bet he would be one smart little fuck!" says one of the bigger kids. Then he looks around, realizing he's said a rude word.

YoYo laughs. I laugh. Then Regina comes into the room. "I drive you out to the motel," she says.

Regina doesn't say much driving us down 3rd St and out Bayshore, but something is on her mind.

Finally, at the motel, she comes out with it: "I don't know what you two are mixed up in, down there in San Diego, but you better be careful. Remember who your family is."

"We OK," says YoYo. Then they hug and kiss and we get out of the car.

We let ourselves into the room.

About an hour later Larry is banging on the door.

I open the door.

"C'mon," says Larry. "Time to catch the plane."

"Right," I say.

"Where's Ramona?" says Larry.

"I thought you had her?" I say.

"Dammit!! How could you guys let her disappear?!" says Larry.

"Oh, I see, we supposed to keep tabs on Ramona 24/7 now? We gettin overtime?" says YoYo.

"We're gonna miss the plane!" says Larry.

"Larry, sweetheart, chill out," says Desiree. "You scored the payday of your life. You can afford to miss the plane. We can drive the Escalade to San Diego. It'll be fun. When was the last time we took a road trip?"

"That'll be two grand, at least," says Larry. He does a facepalm.

"Have you tried calling her phone?" I say.

"Left it in the Escalade," says Larry.

"Here's something that'll cheer you up," says Desiree, looking at her phone. "Ramona is back in the top 10 in the Scrabbalero rankings. C'mon Larry, Ramona is a grown woman. She's entitled to a little fun after her big win."

"Does anybody know anything about this Pete Moss jerk?" says Larry. "What kind of name is that, anyway?"

"It's probably a Nom de Punque. I think Ramona knows him from when she was writing for a 'zine back in the day," I say.

"Great! She's probably doing heroin in some squalid squat," says Larry. "What the fuck is a 'zine??" he adds.

There's a knock. Everybody starts towards the door. YoYo gets there first and opens it.

Ramona walks into the room. Pete Moss walks in behind her.

"Hi everybody," says Ramona, breezy as can be. "This is Pete Moss."

Everybody shakes his hand, except Larry. Larry checks the time on his phone. "Well, we missed the plane." says Larry.

"We might as well get lunch," says Desiree. "Would you care to join us Mr. Moss?"

"There's a pretty good ramen joint on Grand Avenue," says Mr Moss.

"Oh I loooove ramen," says Desiree.

"Their specialty is Tonkatsu. The broth is so thick you can eat it with chopsticks," says Moss.

At the ramen joint Larry brings up Ramonas' rise in the Scrabbalero rankings. But Ramona isn't interested. YoYo and Desiree are both bursting with curiosity over this Pete Moss character.

"So how do you know Ramona?" says YoYo. Pete looks at Ramona.

"He was the only straight white guy who ever got published in Girlburger," says Ramona. "He sent in this review where he trashed Sleater Kinney, if you ever heard of them. I knew we had to run it. Kat didn't want to. But I was so sick of how all the critics fawned over that band," says Ramona.

"I felt bad about that. You quite writing for Girlburger the issue after that," says Pete.

"That wasn't cause of you. Truth is, Kat thought the internet was a fad. She flat refused to set up a website. She was 40 years old and had a kid. If you talked to any teenager in 1999 it was pretty obvious the 'net was definitely not a fad," says Ramona.

"OK. So you're Pete Moss. What was Ramonas name back then?" I say.

"She called herself RaDar," says Pete.

"Like in that TV show? That's not very punk," I say.

"She did have an uncanny ability to be the 1st to hear about groundbreaking new bands. But think about it: Ramona Darby? RaDar?"