By Pete Moss
I'm just a little dog, what do I know?
I wish these humans would get their shit together. I mean why do I always have to be watching out for them.
I wish I didn't care about them.
Why can't they be more like dogs and just live in the moment?
Oh well, YoYo told me to watch that van.
And those two people came back.
I like that one guy Pete. He gave me a nice piece of salmon that time. That small female smells nice, even though she just showed up and I really don't know her yet.
So I'm just sitting here watching the van. If they come back I'll go get YoYo.
And they come back.
It is them. I watch the van for awhile to see what they're doing. They come out and go somewhere, then come back.
While they're gone I go and sniff the van. Whatever they were doing they didn't have sex. I can smell that easy.
So now I'm thinking it's time to go tell YoYo.
I wonder what she'll do. I hope she's not gonna hurt Pete or the small female. I know YoYo can be mean. She would kick me sometimes. I didn't like that.
Well now, Pete comes out of the van. I forget myself and start across the street, thinking, maybe he has more of that salmon, that was good, I would like another piece of that.
But then I recall I'm not supposed to hang around with Pete.
Too late! He's seen me. He starts across the street. I gotta go as fast as my four little legs will take me.
I get back in the van.
Spela is awake. "What was all that commotion?" she says.
"Pedro was staking us out."
"You say we were being staked out by a dog?!"
"That's what I said."
"Oh Pete, you really are coming unhinged."
"No I am not. Pedro is a Jackahuahua. He's a really smart little guy. I bet he's at least as smart as one of those Capuchino monkeys."
"A Chupacabra? What?"
"A Jackahuahua. A Jack Russell-Chihuahua mix."
"Sounds like a yappy nightmare."
"Not at all. He knows how to keep his mouth shut way better than most humans I know."
But then there's banging on the side of the van.
"Open up! Police! Come out with your hands up!"
"Oh shit!" I say "What now?"
I get out of the van with my hands up and am immediately swarmed and cuffed.
"Is there anyone else in the van?"
"Yeah, my PI, Spela Byaliak. What's going on here?"
"Shut the fuck up!" says a cop. And into the cop car I go for a ride down to 850 Bryant.
Back in a cell and this is getting old. Nothing to do, I go to sleep.
Until I'm yanked out of the bunk and yanked to my feet. Marched to another interrogation room.
There's a female detective, Sonja Teagarden.
"So, you know why you're here."
"Think, Mr. Mossotti."
"I'm tired of thinking."
Sonja Teagarden stares hard at me. I stare back. I don't care, I can play this all day long. At this point I'm resigned. Whatever will be will be.
"You know Patrick O'Hanlon."
"You had him killed."
"I did nothing of the kind."
"He was run down by a hit and run driver about 45 minutes ago."
"I want my lawyer, Dragen Swoboda."
"A ha! You gonna lawyer up. If you have nothing to hide just tell me what you know."
"I have nothing to hide because I don't know anything and I'm not saying another word without my lawyer."
Sonja Teagarden looks at me like she'd just as soon shoot me dead and be done with it. Then she goes out of the room.