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Stop or I'll Shoot (Heroin.)
or Why We Should End the War On Drugs.

By Wil Forbis
November 15th, 2000
By the time you read this, we can only hope that the powers that be have decided whom to elect as president of our fine nation, and have allowed us to focus our attention back to more important issues such as whether to wear matching socks or how to get the VCR to record "The Michael Richards Show." I say this not to belittle our new leader (he will be more than capable of doing that himself) but rather as a grim nod to the fact that on a variety of issues, the two candidates thrown before the American populace on Election 2000 had frighteningly similar opinions. On subjects like the death penalty, the WTO, or three strikes laws, Gore and Bush offered little to distinguish themselves from each other. And perhaps nowhere was this clearer than the United States war on drugs. Both supported it, wholly and unconditionally, and for the most part had the will of the people behind them.

I have to confess, that at one point I supported the war on drugs myself. This was back when I thought that by "war on drugs" they meant, "Let's go have a war while being on drugs." I found the thought of taking out Charlie at three o'clock while being under the effects of two grams of cocaine nothing sort of exhilarating and fully endorsed the concept. It wasn't until much later when I realized that the war was actually against drugs, that I had to re-examine my views.

When I found out what the war on drugs really was - a well intentioned but ignoble attempt to do away with something than has been with mankind through its evolution, and a bloody campaign that has left a trail of destruction from the ghettos of America to the villages of Central America, and leading up to the American Bill of Rights - then I knew it was time to lend my powerful but underused voice to the cause and write this piece.

A variety of anti-drug war treatises have been published in recent years laying out the facts for the cause of reforming the drug laws. I myself, have always found facts quite burdensome at best, and avoid their use. Besides, I'm sure you're all quite familiar with the facts that the pro-drug camp uses - the 1976 study that shows marijuana ingested by monkeys actually caused them to show an increased interest in Russian novelists, Nabokov in particular, or that squirrels on cocaine were able to perform even the most complex Kirov ballets. These studies however, only argue for legalization of drugs from a cold, statistical viewpoint, whereas I'm more prepared to make my case on moral grounds.

Now, I've always been wary of crimes where both the supposed victim and perpetrator are making and active attempt to avoid being caught (e.g. prostitution, drug sales, etc.) These are called "consensual crimes" because nobody involved is doing anything they don't want to be doing. There is perhaps one consensual crime I can think of that I would not support, and that would be selling dangerous and illegal weapons to terrorists, as it most likely the person buying the weapon has some type of non-consensual crime (e.g. mass-murder) on his immediate to-do list. This is not the case with, say, buying pot, where the immediate plan is to run home, watch late-night infomercials and consume an entire bag of Fritos. Clearly, that act should not be a crime. (Though a strong case could be made for it being a misdemeanor.)

This is the ethical basis upon which I question the validity of the modern drug war. In an attempt to stop people from doing exactly what they want to do, we've managed to fill our prisons up to such a degree that we have to parole violent offenders early to free up space. We've had to pressure our South American neighbors into launching doomed police actions against drug cartels whom have responded with numerous acts of violence against civilians and legal officials. We've allowed segments our own city streets to be taken over by criminals who have no qualms about murdering innocents while our police kill American citizenry when cases of mistaken identity occur during the enforcement of drug laws.

Critics of the drug legalization will always state that this is all done for the greater good, because drugs take lives. If so, why aren't we criminalizing alcohol or tobacco, both of which kill in far greater numbers than illegal drugs (Click here for actual numbers.) Or more importantly, why don't we acknowledge that, hey, people die, whether it be from drinking, drugs, red meat or hang gliding. Such is the cost of liberty.

Now that I have armed you, the loyal Acid Logic reader, with this impassioned plea, I implore you to join me in more direct action. United, let us storm the nation's capitol and show our country's politicians that the readership of Acid Logic is a force to be reckoned with. When armed with the truth we have the power to bring forth justice in this country and our vast numbers will put right what has been wrong for so long. No longer will this country's politicians laugh at us (particularly me) when we call their offices and tell them that Acid Logic is a potent political tool. No longer will this country's politicians imprison us (particularly me) when we hide in their closets wearing only a water bucket and knee high striped socks and leap out at their arrival in an attempt make a social commentary that's purpose has long since faded from memory. I summon you, my brethren, to join me in a Million Maniac March upon this nation's capitol next Thursday. (Friday, if I can't get my hair appointment moved.)

See you there.


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Wil Forbis is a well known international playboy who lives a fast paced life attending chic parties, performing feats of derring-do and making love to the world's most beautiful women. Together with his partner, Scrotum-Boy, he is making the world safe for democracy. Email -

Visit Wil's web log, The Wil Forbis Blog, and receive complete enlightenment.