Are Shonen Knife Satanists?
By Pete Moss
Sept 1, 2019
My very close friend Patty and I are old, but not one foot in the grave old. Last month we flew to San Francisco and saw the Mekons at the Chapel on Valencia Street.
This month we drove over to North Park and saw Shonen Knife at Soda Bar.
For those of you who are unaware of Shonen Knife, they are a Japanese girl group who play punky power pop.
They are ostensibly wholesome Japanese school girls. Their songs are about food and cute animals. Their musicianship is superb and their choreography is tight and well practiced.
They work hard and put on a good show for their fans, who adore them in return.
For all appearances, they appear to be a bunch of nice, polite Asian girls who are having fun in their little power trio rock band playing their energetic songs about their favorite stuff, none of which is at all threatening to anyone.
Who would feel threatened by a song about an ice cream sandwich?
The guitarist even sews their outfits, which consist of rather shapeless smocks with abstract blobs of color in asymmetrical patterns.
Patty and I enjoyed the show quite a bit.
The warm up band, Me Like Bees, from Joplin, Missouri, wasn’t bad either.
However, later on, I woke up, near dawn, with an uneasy feeling gnawing at me.
What if Shonen Knife were not really as wholesome as they strive to appear.
What if they were really a front for a sinister Satanic infiltration of the Christian Nation that is the United States?
No, I am not just being paranoid.
I have a rock solid reason for what I’ve perceived.
Among the plethora of routine rock star moves that the guitarist and bass player made throughout the show, one of the most common was holding up their hands over their head, waving the ‘Satan’ sign.
That is: two middle fingers bent down, pinky and pointer finger extended.
This is a well known signal that Satanists use to alert each other to their covert beliefs.
Upon reaching this startling realization I reviewed the show in my head and found many other telltales that Shonen Knife are very likely agents of Baphomet.
They say their song is about the ‘Sushi Bar’ but the lyrics are largely unintelligible. All of them have a heavy Japanese accent, or at least pretend to, for the purposes of their performance.
Nonetheless, the middle aged white guys in the audience seem to know all the words and sing along like rapt schoolboys. Where do these guys find the lyric sheets for an obscure song by a relatively unknown band from Japan?
Is there some sort of cabal that deals out this information to acolytes?
So how does one who is not a Shonen Knife acolyte know what is actually passing between performer and audience?
Perhaps ‘Sushi Bar’ is code for some weird Satanic child sacrifice ritual?
Aside from that, Shonen Knife has been around for 40 years. Yet none of the performers on stage appeared to be any older than 40.
How could this be unless they have sold their soul to the devil in exchange for having the aging process arrested?
Now I’m not trying to cast aspersions on Shonen Knife. They are a fine band who take their craft seriously. They take seriously the duty of providing a good show in exchange for their audiences hard earned money.
But the USA is under attack from forces outside it’s border, these days.
Many of these threats are easy to identify, such as caravans of Hondurans wending their way through the jungles and deserts of Mexico so that they can obtain backbreaking jobs picking strawberries and gutting chickens in rural Texas and California.
Others may be more stealthy.
Such as smiling, polite Japanese girls, covertly peddling subversive religious beliefs to innocent, American, 55 year old IT guys.
What do you think? Leave your comments on the Guestbook!
Wil Forbis is a well known international playboy who lives a fast paced life attending chic parties, performing feats of derring-do and making love to the world's most beautiful women. Together with his partner, Scrotum-Boy, he is making the world safe for democracy. Email - email@example.com
Visit Wil's web log, The Wil Forbis Blog, and receive complete enlightenment.