Seven Movies You Can Watch on Youtube RIGHT NOW!

By John Saleeby and Wil Forbis
November 1st, 2013

Back when I was a kid, if you like a movie you saw in theaters you could only hope it would reappear on cable or network television or late night theater showings. You had a definite sense that after a movie did its initial run it could vanish forever. But these days, with the internet, everything is permanent. on demand! Our entertainment doesn't disappear into thin air, it piles up into a heap in our cyber basement. Finding your way through the muck can be intimidating. This is why John and I decided to compile this handy guide of movies you can watch right now on YouTube. Right now!
W.F.

Dance Hall Racket
"Dance Hall Racket" was Written by Lenny Bruce years before he became King Of The Sick Comics. Lenny appears in the Film as a slimey thug but his performance is so lifeless the Show is stolen by his Mom's rendition of The Charleston, a dance which was popular in the Nineteen Twenties. "Hey, Sally, make with the Charleston!" commands the Boss of the seedy Dance Hall this thing is set in and Lenny's Mom gets up to deliver such a delightful little dance you will be on the Phone to all of your Friends screaming at them to watch "Dance Hall Racket" on You Tube. Tell em, Saleeby sent ya! Is Lenny Bruce the Second Most Interesting Person in the Movie after his Mom? Unfortunately, no - That would be some mook named Bernie Jones who plays a guy named "Punchy". He wears a stupid hat! So is Lenny Bruce the Third Most Interesting Person In "Dance Hall Racket"? Shit, Lenny don't even make The Top Ten! "Dance Hall Racket", Produced by the same guy who did all the Ed Wood Movies. And "Ben Hur". No, not really. Too bad he didn't Produce the Julian Assange Movie!
J.S.

Sleepaway Camp
I've longed considered myself something of a connoisseur of 1980s horror movies but I was entirely unfamiliar with "Sleepaway Camp" (1983) when I stumbled across it on a list of recommended films. And the movie is indeed creepy, mainly because most of the youthful protagonists are young - much younger than the 30 something actors playing teenagers in most schlocko horror cinema. The kids (and some adults) in the film get knocked off, one by one, by a masked killer who may be a child as well. In fact you'll never guess what the killer is - the movie has one of the most surprising endings of any in the genre. Several sequels were generated and I've even heard rumor a remake is on the way.
W.F.

Coonskin
Is Ralph Bakshi The Most Horrible Man In The History Of Cinema? At least Roman Polanski invented Television. He didn't? Well, I should have strangled him when I sat next to him on the Subway. But seriously, how can Ralph Bakshi show his face in Public without getting strangled? Does he wear a rubber Roman Polanski mask? I thought Bakshi's "Wizards" was the lousiest Animated Feature I've ever seen until I saw his "American Pop" but, now that I have seen "Coonskin" I will never see another Animated Feature for as long as I Live. Not even if they allow "Song Of The South" to be released again! You think "Song Of The South" is racist just look at "Coonskin" on You Tube! But racism isn't the only problem with "Coonskin". Paris Hilton is racist but she's kinda nice to look at, "Coonskin" is so ugly it looks like the Nottie in Paris' "The Hottie And The Nottie". Yes, "Coonskin" - A Movie so bad it will have you talking about "The Hottie And The Nottie"! But I'm sure it's better than that Julian Assange Movie. J.S.

Fertile Ground
Hmmm, what to make of "Fertile Ground?" It's got more than capable actors, a gorgeous soundtrack and lush bucolic sets. The plot never quite takes you on the suspenseful merry-go-round ride you'd like (and it will bring to mind a certain Steven King classic) but it's not bad. For an example of a movie that uses its (presumably) low budget well, you could do worse.
W.F.

Xtro
"Xtro" is a 1983 British Science Fiction Movie so crazy it will cause you to tear all your clothes off and run into the Street yelling "Xtro! Fred Astaire lives in my Left Nostril! Xtro! Ginger Rodgers lives in my Right Nostril! Xtro!" If you have ever seen a naked person running around in the Street yelling about the Stars of "Top Hat" residing inside their nose "Xtro" is to blame. Fortunately for me, Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon had already moved into my face when I saw "Xtro" way back in '83 so I just took off my clothes and took a bath. That's why one was missing! But Fear Not, 2013 Movie Fans! Because on You Tube "Xtro" has NO SOUND which renders it incapable of turning you into an "Xtro! Fred Astaire blah blah blah! Xtro! Ginger Rodgers blah blah blah!" Public Nuisance. Fantastic! Watch it while listening to Queen and you will have the Spiritual Strength to face Life without Writing Letters To The Editor or calling a Radio Phone In Show to complain about John Saleeby. You're gonna tell me you'd rather watch that Julian Assange Movie?
J.S.

The Driller Killer
Holy Christ, this is a masterpiece! Going off the movie poster you'd think guerilla filmmaker Abel Ferrara's debut was a cheesy urban slasher flick. Instead it's a bizarre performance art piece that captures one man's mental unravelling in the shithole that was 1970s New York. The city, before Giuliani's clean up, is the star of the film, and its moral decay and hopelessness (keep in mind this is the stanky, primordial soup that gave birth to east coast punk) makes you wonder why everyone who lived there didn't become a serial killer.
W.F.

Panic In The Year Zero
"Where were you in '62?" posters for "American Graffiti" inquired. Well, Ray Milland was in the country side outside LA with his Family when the Russians dropped a Hydrogen Bomb on the City and Ron Howard, Richard Dreyfuss, Cindy Williams, and everybody else in "American Graffiti" was incinerated. Oh, wait - "American Graffiti" wasn't set in LA. Well, good thing I'm not Writing about it, huh? Yes, Ray and his Family are in the California Mountains as Civilization collapses and Ray is the only one with the sense to know that California no longer exists and there is nothing left but the Mountains - The Mountains! Do Ray's cold calculating tactics to ensure his Family's survival make him the only Principled Human in a World of Savages or just another Savage? I dunno, I just killed a guy for dropping a cigarette butt in the Parking Lot outside my Apartment. I did it because of the scene in "Panic In The Year Zero" where Ray casually shoots a couple of punks with a shot gun for raping his Daughter. You think Ron Howard or Richard Dreyfuss would have done that if those bums had raped Cindy Williams? No. Too bad Ray wasn't in that Julian Assange Movie!
J.S.