She Beast

She Beast

By John Saleeby
January 1, 2008


Comedy Horror Movies are tricky. Or maybe that should be”Horror Comedy Movies are tricky”? Is “tricky” the right word? See? I told you it was . . . Uh . . . tricky. Now I have to start all over again. I saw a Cut of “Shaun Of The Dead” before they got that tricky Comedy - Horror balance just right and had to start all over again “Eh, all this stuff about how everybody hates Shaun’s Wacky Fat Guy Roommate is TOO FUNNY! People won’t know how to respond when the Zombies show up!” “Let’s start all over again and leave out the Fart Jokes.” “But the Fart Jokes are so funny!” “It’s either Fart Jokes or Zombies and we’ve already hired all these people to walk around looking all vacant and listless.” “Can’t they go make a Movie about an Oasis Concert or something?” See what I meant about these Comedy Horror Movies being Tricky Dicky? I’m trying to Write an Article about “She Beast”, a Kick Ass Blast of a British Comedy Horror Movie from 1966 and now I’ve got thirty eight pages of Comedy Bits about “Shaun Of The Dead”. No wonder “Abbott And Costello Meet Frankenstein" made Eisenhower want to invade Transylvania.

But “She Beast” is worth all the confusion. “She Beast” is more fun than a Barrel of Monkeys that falls into a Lake and is possessed by the Spirit of a Barrel of Witches that was thrown into the Lake Two Hundred Years earlier. See “She Beast” and that will make sense. Oh, even MORE confusion! In “She Beast” a Beautiful Woman falls into a Lake and is possessed by the Spirit of a Witch that was thrown into the Lake Two Hundred Years earlier. It’s not a complicated idea for a Movie but they made a Comedy Horror out of it just to make the ScriptWriter cry when they left out all the Fart Jokes “Okay! Fine! I’ll just save the Fart Jokes for my ‘Eisenhower Invades Transylvania’ Script!”

“She Beast” is a Big Deal because it is a Michael Reeves Movie and there are only three Michael Reeves Movies. Michael Reeves Movies are so Good that Michael Reeves is a very respected Director even though he only made Three Movies. And “She Beast” is a Very Big Deal because before I found out about “She Beast” there were only TWO Michael Reeves Movies. Imagine my excitement when, after Years of Living in a World with only Two Michael Reeves Movies, I suddenly found out there was a THIRD one! Let’s bring out Legendary Actor William H Macy to Perform “John Finds Out That There Is A Third Michael Reeves Movie”–

“What? There is a THIRD Michael Reeves Movie? Another one? I thought there were only TWO Michael Reeves Movies! And now you are telling me that there is a THIRD one? That . . . That’s INCREDIBLE!”

William H Macy everybody! William H Macy!


But getting back to Eisenhower . . . I mean, getting back to Michael Reeves - Michael Reeves was a Young British Director in the Sixties when being Young and British was a Good Thing. Don’t say anything, Johnny Rotten! He made two Excellent Movies - “The Sorcerers” and “Witchfinder General” and - “Hey! We’ve found a THIRD Michael Reeves Movie!!!” Don’t fuck with me, Johnny Rotten! Okay, we’ll cut out the Fart Jokes and start all over again. Michael Reeves was a Young British Director who made THREE Excellent Movies “She Beast”, “The Sorcerers”, and “Witchfinder General” before he died of a Drug Overdose. Why do I find it hard to Write the next line? Oh, my Pen is out of ink (The rest of the Paragraph is Written in Crayon) “WITCHFINDER GENERAL” GOOD! “SORCERERS” NOT SO GOOD BUT GOODER THAN AMY SCHUMER MOVIE.

The Beautiful Woman who falls into that Lake is played by Barbara Steele who is beloved by Horror Fans for being so Pretty in “The Pit And The Pendulum”, “Black Friday”, and “I’m So Scared But Gimmee a Smooch, Barbara!” Steele looks Great in those Movies but in “She Beast” she is SO CUTE you will want to go jump in a Lake. WHAT A BABE! “She Beast” was a Low Budget Production and they could only afford to have a Classy Gal like Barbara on the Pay Roll for Four Days. Guess this was before the Movie Industry knew about Cocaine, huh? This Tight Schedule might be why Steele’s character is covered with Heavy Facial Make Up while she is possessed and then returns to Super Barbara Cuteness once everything goes back to Normal. Boy, that is one UGLY Witch!

Anyway, Barbara winds up in the Lake when the Car she is riding in with her Husband loses control and splashes into the water. We see her Husband swimming safely ashore, realize that she is still inside the sinking car, and we think “Wait a Minute! Is this that ‘Chappaquidick” Movie about Ted Kennedy they just put out? I don’t want to see that shit!” That would be a good Comedy Horror Movie - Ted Kennedy drives his car into the water, Mary Jo Kopechne is possessed, and turns into HILLARY CLINTON!!!!! HAW HAW HAW!!! Whoa!!

Well, that was the Acid Logic Motherfucking Masterpiece about “She Beast”! Check that Movie out. It’s Good!

John walks out of the House, across the Back Yard, and into the Garden Shed. Inside the Shed She Beast Hillary Clinton is chained up and playing a Video Game. John sits next to Hillary and joins her in the Game.

MUSIC : “You’re My Best Friend” By Queen

John Saleeby wrote for The National Lampoon while he was in high school, was a stand up comic in New York, and has contributed to the net humor zines, Campaign Central, and the legendary American Jerk. He's on medication now so he's probably a little nicer now than he was when you met him earlier. Email -

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