By John Saleeby
July 1st, 2018

Still More John Saleeby Predicts the Future!2028 - Johnny Depp wears a Charlie The Tuna costume in a Sunkist Commercial for a case of Beer “Hey, it’s a case of BEER, man!” Depp is so fat he can’t get out of the Tuna costume and has to have his name legally changed to Charlie The Tuna. “Hey, it’s worth it for the BEER, man! Maybe I’ll feel different in ten minutes when I’ve finished the last can but for now I’ve got four cans of BEER and I’m glad to be Jerry The Tuna. Charlie, I mean. Uh, I’ve only got three more Beers, I’m getting nervous. Two more . . . Mmmm . . . I’ll just sip on this last one for a while . . . Oh, to Hell with it . . . Chug Chug Chug . . . I’M A FUCKIN’ TUNA FISH, MAN! Shit.”

2020 - The “Rosanne” reboot without Rosanne Barr is so successful they do a “Modern Family” reboot without Satan.

2024 - Democrats get bored with calling everybody “Nazis” and decide to be Nazis themselves. “What the fuck, we couldn’t be any worse!” Then they try to invade Poland and get their asses kicked.

2022 - David Letterman, Jay Leno, Steve Martin, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, and some other old Comedian we can’t quite identify have a Press Conference in which they admit that none of them are as funny as Tommy Chong. “Tommy Chong is The Best” says Letterman. “No doubt about it, Tommy Chong is funnier than all of us!” agrees Leno. Steve Martin just sits there. “Do you have anything to say, Steve?” “Aw . . . SHIT!” Martin puts Gasoline all over himself, strikes a match, and goes up in flames. “Funniest thing he’s done since ‘The Man With Two Brains’!” says Leno. “I think this guy sitting with us might be Chevy Chase” says Aykroyd. “No, man, that’s CHEECH!” says Tommy Chong “No way are any of you Squares as funny as My Man Chevy Chase!” Cheech throws himself in front of a Truck.

2019 - CNN admits that all of those Anthony Bourdain Episodes were shot in a Hollywood Studio. “There is no World outside of America. We only did that Show to give People who hate Living here a reason to keep from Hanging themselves.”

2025 - Acid Logic Produces a new Movie version of “The Caine Mutiny” in which, instead of Strawberries, Captain Queeg loses his Mind over Hot Tamale Cinnamon Flavored Jelly Beans. The Script was Written by John Saleeby after Living on a Diet of Hot Tamale Cinnamon Flavored Jelly Beans for Eight Years “I PRAY TO HOT TAMALE CINNAMON FLAVORED JELLY BEAN JESUS!!!!” “Eh . . . “ wonders Wil Forbis “Exactly what is this ‘Caine Mutiny’ of which you speak?” Saleeby puts a finger over one nostril, blows out the other nostril, and a Hot Tamale Cinnamon Flavored Jelly Bean shoots out and hits Forbis in the eye. “OW!”

2021 - Artie Lange and Anthony Cumia return to Sirius Satellite Radio with a new Show called “Opioid And Anthony.” “STUPID JOKE, MAN!”

2019 - Hollywood makes a Comedy Movie out of a Script Written by John Saleeby, Creator of the “Opioid And Anthony” Joke! The Movie Stars Vince Vaughn as a guy who takes his wife to see Springsteen but doesn’t find out until they get there that “The Boss” will be performing the entire “River” Album from Beginning to End that Night! “THE WHOLE ALBUM!?! Every Song? Even ‘Out In The Street’? And ‘The River’ is A DOUBLE ALBUM!?! I’m going to need some Coffee. And I spent all that Money on these Beers . . . “ “I’ll give you a hand with those BEERS, man!” “Oh, FUCK, it’s Charlie The Tuna!!!”

2062 - The final surviving “Brady Bunch” Cast Member reveals that Cousin Oliver was Robert Reed’s cock with glasses and a blonde wig.

John Saleeby wrote for The National Lampoon while he was in high school, was a stand up comic in New York, and has contributed to the net humor zines, Campaign Central, and the legendary American Jerk. He's on medication now so he's probably a little nicer now than he was when you met him earlier. Email -


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