Still more insane predictions from John Saleeby.By John Saleeby
December 1st, 2010

2011 - Television News History is made when Anderson Cooper and Julian Assange start making out in the middle of an interview. Luckily it's on CNN so nobody sees it.

2011 - A Married couple in Ohio pays for a house before moving into it. "I don't like the sound of that!" says Barak Obama "Somebody look into that."

2011 - American men learn that sneaking across the border makes watching a Mexican woman having sex with a burro even more exciting.

2012 - Sarah Palin is elected President Of The United States. Millions of liberals commit suicide and Palin allows Barak Obama to remain in office "My work is done."

2012 - Doctor Laura begins a new show on satelite radio "Who knew it was possible for a satelite to get sick and vomit?"

2012 - A Mexican woman sneaks across the border while having sex with a burro.

2014 - The most popular Movie of the year is a Horror film about a serial killer who wears a Nancy Grace mask. "I haven't been able to sleep since!"

2014 - Chinese Democracy, Wil Forbis and John Saleeby's Guns N' Roses Mach 2 Tribute Band featuring Forbis as Buckethead and Saleeby as the Nine Inch Nails guy . . . Aw, we don't wanna talk about it!!

2014 - Every hash shop and brothel in Amsterdam is shut down and the entire nation of Holland dissolves into fluid, drifts off to sea, and disapears.

2015 - Leslie Neilson stars in . . . Oh, wait - He died while I was writing this. Shit!

2015 - John Saleeby suggests another "John Saleeby Predicts The Future!" article. Acid Logic Editor Wil Forbis says "Uh . . . No."

2016 - The California Gubernatorial Election is rocked by the revelation that a candidate employed a Mexican woman having sex with a burro as a maid for several years.

2017 - Roger Ebert dies and his Life is given a "Thumbs Up" rating by the fat loudmouthed queers of the World.

2019 - No More Corn Rows, Wil Forbis and John Saleeby's Guns N' Roses Mach 3 Tribute Band featuring Forbis as Wolfgang Van Halen and John Saleeby as some other Nine Inch Nails guy . . . Okay, okay, a spider monkey as Axl may not have been that great an idea but it was kind of funny. At least until we turned on the amps and the monkey ate that guy from Def Leppard's face. No, not some guy pretending to be a guy from Def Leppard - An actual guy from Def Leppard. You think those guys are down and out now, by 2019 Def Leppard will be REALLY down and out!

2024 - Natalie Portman stars in a remake of "The Professional" in which she plays a forty year old woman saved from criminals by a ten year old French Hit Man.

2026 - The first Mexican woman to have sex with a burro on the Moon reveals that she and the burro were on the Moon but the sex was faked in a TV Studio in Phoenix.

2027 - The active ingredient in alcohol is found to be tiny little people who run around inside your head shouting and breaking things.

2028 - It becomes acceptable to go into job interviews accompanied by a "Wing Man".

2032 - Improvements in job training and education backfire when it becomes impossible to find pornographic pictures of hot black women on the internet.

2060 - John Saleeby realizes that the Writing thing is not working out, starts taking saxophone lessons.

John Saleeby wrote for The National Lampoon while he was in high school, was a stand up comic in New York, and has contributed to the net humor zines Schmuck.com, Campaign Central, and the legendary American Jerk. He's on medication now so he's probably a little nicer now than he was when you met him earlier. Email - jacksaleeby1@hotmail.com

 

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